Husband left his friends who I don’t know alone in our house with our 6 month old

Yeah I mean everyone saying they'd take the baby?! Why?!

Why would you take her out in the cold, just to be sat in a car for an hour or two? And then potentially have to get her out at the hospital (you can't just drop someone off outside A&E these days!) when you have 3 lifelong friends in your home who are happy to look after her!

Echoing what a PP has said, I don't think men have the same visceral feelings about their babies that mothers do. Your DH did a sensible thing at a time when he had to think quickly. I wouldn't have liked it but I would have reasoned with myself about my reaction.

I also just think this was a genuinely unprecedented situation. He made a call he thought was right, you would’ve made a different one. The baby is fine and you can make an adult decision together as to how you’d handle this in future. I’m not going to tell you that you’re unreasonable for feeling the way you feel, but I think you’d be unreasonable to be outwardly angry or upset at him because I do think he’d tried his best. He sounds like a good partner so surely you can just say “hey, next time, just give me a call - I think I’d rather just come home in that scenario” and then move on. It’s not worth dwelling on and arguing with your spouse over when you’ve got a baby and other priorities to think about.

I wouldn’t like it either and if the roles were reversed and you were with friends I assume you’d have just put the baby in the car seat and taken her with you as I would have.

I think there’s 2 issues here. One he left her with people you don’t know and therefore don’t trust. Two he didn’t just take his daughter with him, just giving her to someone else to look after. Not particularly responsible.

Not fine at all and the first thing he should have done is ring you and check with you. He might know them but you do not.

Depends how well your DH knows them. If they’re lifelong mates it’d be fine I think, definitely not fucking ok if he doesn’t know then very well.

A gentle YABU from me. He obviously felt comfortable accepting help from his friends in an emergency and avoided making you come home during your first trip out after baby’s birth. Isn’t it nice to know that if you had an emergency there are competent people that can give you a hand? I understand it’s a bit jarring he didn’t consult you but he was probably just focusing on the emergency with his sister and the friends I’m guessing told him to just go. And he was back fairly quick and baby was absolutely fine. I’m sure if he got stuck there he would have let you know.

I really don't see the issue. Husband left his child with friends over that he has known his whole life, knows them and trusts them. Sure he could have taken the baby with him, but if I was in hia shoes and I had my trusted friends available and willing, I would leave the baby.

All of them had different needs and by doing what he did ALL their needs were met.. he's not prioritising one by doing the other, that's just ridiculous.

His sister - needed A&E urgently, very serious emergency, no money for taxis, taxi may not have even taken someone bleeding/being sick etc, ambulance not an option.

His wife - happily out enjoying herself for once - he made the right choice not to involve her in something she could do nothing about.

His child - happily left in the company of 3 people he has known his whole life.

He did good if you ask me, it's not ideal that OP doesn't really know these friends, but it was an emergency, he didn't fob the baby off to go to the pub.

The baby is 50% his, he trusted the friends, nothing bad happened and his sister had broken multiple bones and so clearly needed urgent help.

It's not optimal, but it sounds like he did what he had to.

And I understand that it makes you uncomfortable - it would me - but I wouldn't blame my dh for the decision he made.

You mention there's country they are from has a more family-oriented culture and your DH lived there most of his life. So I think you have to consider the cultural difference that he's probably approaching it more from an "it takes a village" perspective and that it probably seems more natural for him to a) drop everything to help his mum and sister and b) be comfortable to rely on the help of friends to look after your baby.

I've read your updates OP.
I think as he knows these friends VERY well, it was fine for him to make this decision.
It's fine for the parent caring at the time, to make a call like this. You did not need to be disturbed/consulted.
I'm glad everything is fine.

Absolutely this. I said it further up the thread but if the OP had posted that she was on a rare day out after having a baby and her husband rung asking her what he should do, he would be absolutely torn to shreds!

I do think you need to step away. There's a world of difference between the cost of petrol for (say) a 30 minute drive and the cost of an Uber for the same trip.

Hahaha rich 🤣

I would have expected him to take baby too.

maybe mind your own business?

Yes because his sister was having a medical emergency. I know that I am my DHs "priority" (and he is mine), however if MIL or another family member needed taking to hospital then they become the priority.

He didn't just leave the baby at home to fend for itself FFS.

oh please. His car runs on free petrol?

but if that’s the case I can see why your husband felt that was an only option. If you scraped money for this brunch then it explains why he didn’t call you - he didn’t want to ruin your only treat by either having to leave early or worrying about the baby.

Given the choice of leaving my baby with 3 of my lifelong friends in the comfort of my own house for an hour or so or taking him/her to a germ ridden cesspit that is A&E to sit amongst the great unwashed for hours whilst i waited for a collerbone and broken arm to be dealt with........well its not even close for me. He made a reasonable choice. It may not have been your choice but it is completely understandable, it worked out fine and showed he can cope in a difficult circumstance.

Is part of the issue that he actually coped without needing your help?

The op has told you to stop. So maybe listen eh

It's called emergency babysitters . Think your DH did the only thing he could do . Didnt stay at A&E and came right back . How long was he gone ? Plus he knew you were due back . Baby was fine , not a newborn. Don't make an argument about it . It's done now.

Your dh was the one in charge of dc so he had to make the call and did what he thought was right. He left dc with friends he has known all his life. He has as much say in these sort of decisions as you do and your rules/plans/thoughts don’t trump his or automatically come before his - this can be a hard thing to accept especially with a baby as young as 6 months. He didn’t put her in danger (the fact his lifelong friends don’t have their own dc is neither here nor there) - he actually did the right thing. Who knows if he might have been needed at the hospital with his dsis - and nobody takes their baby to a & e unless absolutely necessary.

Maybe you and your dh need to have a chat about how you deal with things in the future where you don’t necessarily agree. But on this occasion he has done nothing wrong - though he should have updated you as soon as possible just so you knew.

I see so many threads on here of men/male partners not taking initiative, ringing the child’s mother when she’s out and always leaving the woman to be the default parent. Then this man comes up with a reasonable solution to a difficult problem, and he’s done wrong. He probably thought you deserved to have your first day out childfree in peace and didn’t want to ruin it. Ultimately you feel how you feel; and if you’d rather he’d always ring you in a situation like this you simply communicate that with kindness because he hasn’t actually done anything wrong, you’d just rather be looped in in future.