Husband left his friends who I don’t know alone in our house with our 6 month old

Her husband knows them, and none of those things happened, so clearly he was right to trust them.

Yes and it doesn't mean that is wrong. I remember when it felt weird just being in a different room to my baby. Leaving the house without them felt like chopping my arm off.

Whether it's innate, or just because men typically have to get accustomed to separation from their child often from day one (leaving them in the hospital overnight), men's typically more able to manage being apart and leaving their child in the care of others.

And in this case I think it meant that DH could probably think more rationally about what made sense in the situation than the DW would have done.

Why wouldn't you be able to trust them? Did they do or say anything that made you feel they were anything but trustworthy? It's his baby too, these are his friends, he trusts them, and if you don't trust his judgement you shouldn't have chosen him to be the father of your (shared) child. He was in a difficult situation and clearly left the baby in good hands.

If you'd had to rush a loved one to A&E and leave your baby at short notice with one of your trusted friends, would you think your husband reasonable to object?

I think, in light of the fact that your DH has known his friends since childhood and that you say they come from a very family orientated culture, so probably had experience with nephews and nieces, that your DH was most definitely not unreasonable in leaving your six month old with his friends. He obviously felt they could be trusted to keep DD safe and cared for while he dealt with the unexpected emergency.

I really think you are over reacting Op and should just be glad that your DH was able to get his sister and Mum to A&E and was lucky to have trusted friends to leave DD with during the emergency.

I wouldn't be happy either

One of the friends could have taken the sister to a and e

Or, a sensible adult would have just called you, op

I would imagine that he said he had an emergency. His friends said they would help out, so he went off to help his mum and didn't disturb you as you were getting a well earned break. It might be a different call to the one you would have made, but it's an entirely understandable one. He knows these people well. He thought this was the best solution. Try to feel grateful he didn't just ruin your lunch.

Why does not having children of your own make you incapable of caring for a baby for a few hours in an emergency?

Except he did

Exactly this and no one has still explained how the car seat would fit on the back with the young girl in a lot of pain having to be helped in and out, held up, sitting in a strange position with her mother trying to help out

With baby screaming in the car seat no doubt

How anyone things this would be less disruptive for this baby I do not know.

I think a lot of parents have to go through an adjustment when they have their first baby. Your DH needs to understand that his priority is now his baby, no longer his mum and sister. It's a balancing act that he has to go through each and every time he's pulled in different directions, but it gets easier. He made the wrong call this time imo - because he has duties to you and his baby, too - but it's understandable and no harm was done. But it might not always be so.

Just have a calm conversation about it. You're right, he should have sent his friends home and taken his DD with him, even if his friends had protested that everything would be fine (what if she'd choked, what if she'd banged her head when one of them was playing with her etc), but it's not easy going from "free and responsibility-free" to always having thoughts about your children in your head.

She said it was a few hours. How long was her DH allowed to be alone with the baby for before he invited friends over?

A close family member has had nasty accident and I'm suddenly called to take her to hospital but I have my six month old baby to look after, and I'm maybe in a bit of panic. Friends say "don't worry, leave her with us - we've got this! Go look after your sister!". I'd happily take them up on this!

And objectively - baby will have been safer at home in the care of three adults than in a car driving to A&E with a potentially flustered driver.

It mightn’t have been a great experience for your DD to go in the car if his 11year old sister was crying or screaming with pain OP. She might have needed space too.

I think he did the best he could do in an emergency. He must have panicked and trusted his friends. You may not know them well but you’ve said he’s known them a very long time.
Yeah it’s unfortunate your parents weren’t the first to watch your baby but it all happened so quickly, waiting for you to come home first would have taken longer.

I think you need to try put this behind you, nothing can be changed now.
You can chat to him and discuss what you both could do in an emergency, who are the other trusted adults etc but it might be good to get to know friends incase you need to rely upon them at some point.

Again, ridiculous.
No, after having two children of my own and having worked in childcare for over thirty years, I didn’t know that 6 month old babies aren’t always scintilating company. How silly of me🙄
From what the OP has said, it was a brunch. So presumably a couple of hours. Not all day.

Taking care of a baby for an hour or two is not that hard.

I didn't say that.

I’d cut him some slack as it was an emergency situation. I agree it would have made sense to take the baby but equally I would trust my childhood friends with my baby.
All you can do now is agree what to do going forward

Do you call your husband every time you make
a parenting decision or is it just men expected to
do this?

He made a decision in an emergency and baby was fine so what’s the issue?

@Starlight1979 why would he have had to go into A&E, his mum would be able to go into the hospital with the sister. whole family doesn’t need to go in

I don't know if you know this but 6 month old babies aren't the most scintillating company. Hence why mums are encouraged to go to baby groups, coffee mornings etc. Because they need adult company and interactions.

But yes, of course because it's the dad it's completely different and he should have spent the entire day just gazing lovingly at his child and appreciating just having this time with her.

I agree a mother’s bond is different, but father’s are equal parents and I can assure you their instinct is to protect their child too.

But he knew them well. How is it irresponsible to
leave a baby for an hour with family friends?

Yes, it all sounds rather idyllic actually.

🥱

There was no ‘outrage’. How ridiculous.
Merely observing that he had friends over, on what seems like a relatively rare occasion to have his child by himself.