Page 2 | To not want to meet friend for coffee today?

ThestoriesIcouldtellyou · 2026-01-26T11:17:43+00:00

Just back from a girls weekend. One of my friends didn't organise a way to get back home and slept on another friends sofa last night. Now it's Monday morning and she is at a loose end. All her friends (including me) are working. I work from home. She has asked me for a coffee either after lunch or later l, but I only have an hours lunch break and don't finish work until 5:30pm. Then I'd booked the gym for 6pm, haven't been for a week due to illness and was really looking forward to it. AIBU to just say no? I wouldn't mind meeting for a quick coffee at 1.45 for ten mins but I think she will expect to come to my house and then I have no way to get rid of her.

ThejoyofNC · 26/01/2026 15:18

muggart · 26/01/2026 15:16

There is no way out of this OP, you are just going to have to see her this evening.

Are you joking?

HisNotHes · 26/01/2026 15:16

“Sorry can’t do today as too much other stuff going on”. Easy.

muggart · 26/01/2026 15:16

There is no way out of this OP, you are just going to have to see her this evening.

GalaxyJam · 26/01/2026 15:15

ThestoriesIcouldtellyou · 26/01/2026 14:41

Yes I think that's the best plan, best on the way to the gym, then I can come back from the gym and enjoy my precious two hours of peace. I know some people say wet lettuce, but I say lots of people need to read the room better.

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Read the room better how? She’s a cheeky fucker, you’re a people pleaser. What else do we need to ‘read’?

ThrowingDi · 26/01/2026 15:11

ThestoriesIcouldtellyou · 26/01/2026 15:08

She is blunt to the point of impolite quite often. I am extremely polite and wouldn't dream of asking people for what she does. We're just very different.

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Sure, but maybe you need to tell her in a way she understands and respond in kind. Your way of communicating is nice but it’s not appropriate in this situation. Her way of communicating is better bc it’s not ambiguous here.

Original poster

ThestoriesIcouldtellyou · 26/01/2026 15:08

ThrowingDi · 26/01/2026 14:59

To be honest your friend sounds quite blunt and direct and I think you need to respond in kind. Bc she will take advantage if you’re wishy washy.

Just tell her, you cannot accommodate her. So you’re happy to drop the calendar off, say hello, but you can’t offer accommodation or take her out etc. if that is her plan she needed to give much more notice for you to sort things out to accommodate that.

She is blunt to the point of impolite quite often. I am extremely polite and wouldn't dream of asking people for what she does. We're just very different.

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ThrowingDi · 26/01/2026 14:59

To be honest your friend sounds quite blunt and direct and I think you need to respond in kind. Bc she will take advantage if you’re wishy washy.

Just tell her, you cannot accommodate her. So you’re happy to drop the calendar off, say hello, but you can’t offer accommodation or take her out etc. if that is her plan she needed to give much more notice for you to sort things out to accommodate that.

PloddingAlong21 · 26/01/2026 14:58

The most ridiculous thing is offering a coffee in ten mins 😂

”sorry but I won’t be free this evening. Have a safe trip home. Great seeing you!”

LittleBitofBread · 26/01/2026 14:57

I’d say ‘I’m not around this evening’ (how dare she assume you’ve got loads of time?) and suggest another day that does suit.

Trallers · 26/01/2026 14:51

"I'm not available later at all in the evening, sorry. I can bring the calendar to coffee or drop it into X's on my way out this evening - which works best for you?"

Original poster

ThestoriesIcouldtellyou · 26/01/2026 14:50

She's lovely in some ways but has no filter and is also when of those people who is completely comfortable for you to turn up any time and stay the night..I'm not.

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ThejoyofNC · 26/01/2026 14:50

Just forget the silly calendar. She hasn't even paid for it so it's not like you owe it to her. She's 100% going to try and use it to trap you.

Original poster

ThestoriesIcouldtellyou · 26/01/2026 14:49

MyCrushWithEyeliner · 26/01/2026 14:45

😂

I don’t understand it either

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I don't bloody know why she doesn't go home either! This morning there was an early bus that would have got her halfway home and from there she could have taken the train. It's because it's easier for her to sofa surf another night and get a lift in the car tomorrow. And because she is a housewife with nothing to do as her kids are adolescents.

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MyCrushWithEyeliner · 26/01/2026 14:49

Wemdubz · 26/01/2026 12:36

Why is this woman not going home? Even I’ve had enough of her.

😂 😂

Original poster

ThestoriesIcouldtellyou · 26/01/2026 14:47

Only someone without any job at all, who is utterly oblivious, could think it's ok to put upon people like this on a Monday. I felt sorry for my friend, who had to get her down into the centre of town at 7 am this morning with her two kids and hand her off God knows where before she went to work. Then again, I'd have told her that she needed to bring her car because the train plan was frankly half baked.

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MyCrushWithEyeliner · 26/01/2026 14:45

Starlight1979 · 26/01/2026 11:43

Sorry I'm really confused. She lives an hour away but had to sleep on someone's sofa tonight and spending all of today "at a loose end" because everyone is working. And is still going to be around tonight....?

Why does she not just, you know, go home?!?!

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😂

I don’t understand it either

Original poster

ThestoriesIcouldtellyou · 26/01/2026 14:44

RedStars · 26/01/2026 14:40

So stop being a total sap and getting her a calendar from work?

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I had the chance to get one for free so that in itself is not problem, but if I have to start organising postage etc and going out of my way then...no.

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Pistachiocake · 26/01/2026 14:44

Gingercar · 26/01/2026 11:23

Tell her you’ve only got ten minutes and suggest where to meet her? Then when you’re there you can suggest what shops she can check out nearby as you rush off.

Realistically by the time you travel there and wait for a drink it's likely to way over ten minutes, so unless there's a serious reason she needs to talk, I wouldn't feel bad saying it doesn't work for me today.

Original poster

ThestoriesIcouldtellyou · 26/01/2026 14:41

Zonder · 26/01/2026 14:39

She can only trap you if you let her.
Tell her you can pop the calendar in to the friend's house this eve but can't stop as you have loads to do after the weekend.

Yes I think that's the best plan, best on the way to the gym, then I can come back from the gym and enjoy my precious two hours of peace. I know some people say wet lettuce, but I say lots of people need to read the room better.

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RedStars · 26/01/2026 14:40

ThestoriesIcouldtellyou · 26/01/2026 14:38

It's A3 in a big do not bend box. I'm not paying 15 quid and organising to post her a free calendar that she was also cheeky enough to ask me to get her. I think I might drop it round at the place she is staying tonight, but much later. I am not making dinner for her and entertaining her on my only quiet evening. My friend offered, so she can have her.

So stop being a total sap and getting her a calendar from work?

Zonder · 26/01/2026 14:39

She can only trap you if you let her.
Tell her you can pop the calendar in to the friend's house this eve but can't stop as you have loads to do after the weekend.

Original poster

ThestoriesIcouldtellyou · 26/01/2026 14:38

It's A3 in a big do not bend box. I'm not paying 15 quid and organising to post her a free calendar that she was also cheeky enough to ask me to get her. I think I might drop it round at the place she is staying tonight, but much later. I am not making dinner for her and entertaining her on my only quiet evening. My friend offered, so she can have her.

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QueenTatianaIorekova · 26/01/2026 14:38

You shouldn't feel guilty - this nonsense is the consequence of decisions that other people made. It wasn't your idea for anyone to do the things they've done. The other friends have made their choices for their own reasons.

Can you drop off the calendar at one of the friends' houses on the way to/from the gym? You can also say that tonight doesn't work, and you'll post it to her.

RedStars · 26/01/2026 14:35

ThestoriesIcouldtellyou · 26/01/2026 14:32

I think as someone else said up thread, my gut was telling me she was going to make me babysit her and I knew I didn't want to. She'd asked me to get her this calendar from work which I need to give her, but she's using that as an excuse to hang out with me as she's bored.
Basically we got a plane back late last night and she already knew when she set off on Thursday that she didn't have a return train from the station to her house, as there are engineering works. Instead of actually making a plan to get home, she slept on my friends' sofa yesterday and a different friends tonight. Friend 2 has offered to give her a lift home in the car as she works in the friend's home town on Tuesday. In the mean time this friend is at a loose end.
The thing is, these two friends were kind enough to offer all this help. I feel almost obliged to take a chunk of time with her as she is basically just drifting between houses, but then again why the hell should I? I never agreed it and I feel like she's trapping me into it. She did something similar with her son once. I invited him to stay the weekend and then she never planned his return journey. I don't want to fall in the trap again. Wish I could find a way to get this calendar to her and avoid the whole thing. I'm tired and socialised out.

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Just post it to her! There's no need for all this drama.

Original poster

ThestoriesIcouldtellyou · 26/01/2026 14:35

Eggsandavocado · 26/01/2026 14:19

Do you not worry she will be bored browsing mumsnet and read this 😆

No because I live in Italy and she's Lebanese

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