He wants another child but at whose expense

You dont sacrifice.

You partner ( not husband? ) is working unpaid while neglecting his current child.

"When he is not at work" is doing a lot of heavy lifting there as its included the time working outside his contract.

If he wants another baby he needs to be willing to make changes.

Like trying to find a better paying job to cover the extra costs

Like a new job which will allow him to do childcare for his two children.

If you wanted a second child with this man you would be posting asking about you (and it would be you) could make it work.

Both doctors and working FT. It is hard work. My husband does drop off (school/nursery) and I do pick up (school). It’s not just the dropping and picking up, it’s all the other stuff - laundry, home cooked food, reading etc. We don't have a nanny because the numbers don’t add up for us but I’m sure it would have helped!

Is your DC a daughter by any chance? Is he one of those men who won't be happy until he has a son?

Lots of my friends had to have this conversation with their DHs.

they had one, he said he wanted another. They said no, you haven’t stepped up and been a good enough parent to the one we have.

some of the Hs stepped up and there was another kid. Some didn’t.

either way I’d insist on him stepping up for at least a year before you consider ttc.

In some ways with him working in a school you’ve got an ideal set up. He can do all the school holiday childcare which is a massive bonus. However in term time it’s not fair for you to be working full time plus doing all the running around for your dc. But like others have pointed out really it comes down to whether you actually want another child or not. No one should be pressured into having a child. And yes quality of life, money and time, is important. The child you already have deserves days out holidays etc…

It’s very difficult to navigate - watch that he didn’t volunteer to be a full time dad

the easiest way is to be clear - for another child if we are both working we need to be able to pay for a cleaner and decent low hassle holidays and you estimate that between you you need another 1k a month at least

The main point is you're unsure if you want a child. Until you decide it's a no.

If he only works term time then it’s only full time for 39 weeks a year. It’s the equivalent of 0.75 when averaged out over the whole year.

DC should be going to his school and he should be doing dropoffs and pick up???

this doesn’t make any sense? You can do sick days and he can do the holidays. That would be a better balance.

either way do not have more as he isn’t using his reduced hours to ease the load he is instead staying and extra TEN HOURS a week for free! When he already on a tiny wage.

@Chattypatty1

So many questions...

Why does he earn so little for 35 hours a week?! £1200 a month, for full time?

I know a few people who work 24-28 hours a week, and they earn around £1500 a month. They are not on much more than minimum pay. How on earth can your DH be getting only £1200 a month for full time (35 hours a week?)

As has been said, do NOT have another child with this man. You will be doing everything. It will all be on you. He sounds feckless and irresponsible. A low earner, and quite flighty ... wanting another baby when money is so tight.

How can you not know exactly how many hours he works?

is he not realising the hidden jobs I do as a mum to keep us afloat?

get this sorted out ASAP. I’d bet not one of those things requires a vagina.

Please don't be bullied into having another child if you don't want one. Children take a lot of emotional support, especially as they get older, never mind the financial side of things. It's ok to feel that you can't manage that, or even that you don't want to. I have two DCs and I have worked part time since they were born. We simply wouldn't have coped well otherwise. I take my hat off to families where both parents work full time.

I recall that - in my region - the Pupil Support Assistants simply weren't paid in the holidays. They were all in a situation where they were either the second income earner or had a pension from a previous job and there's no way that any of them would have agreed to work extra hours for free.

At best, the OP's husband is being a pushover.

Surely if you don't want another baby that's that then.

It's a huge decision and something you both need to agree on. You've some very valid reasons OP and not into the idea, so quite rightly it should be a no. Hubby needs to be realistic and not think emotionally,

It's also the fact your youngest is in school soon. That will make life a tiny bit easier, so it makes no sense to go back again and make it harder. As lovely as children are, it is bloomin hard work!

Absolute chaos, but I do have a dh who leads work early to do pick ups and dinner and who does shopping and meal planning and washing.
we don’t even get bank holidays as there are basketball tournaments on nearly all of them so we never catch up.

'35hrs Monday to Friday. But he always stays an extra 2 hours (unpaid)'

well for a start he stops doing the ' unpaid ' overtime ! and collects your child from nursery.

If he is a TA then I suspect he is paid for 39 weeks a year and the pay is split over 12 months plus his annual leave entitlement i.e. 4 or 5 weeks ? so paid for 46 or so weeks a year

What actually are his contracted hours ? 8.30 - 4.30 would be 7 x 5 = 35 and 5 lunch breaks of 30 mins unpaid, and 2 hours free overtime brings him up to 6.30pm -- school is well and truly closed by then ! so does he start at 8 ?

Is he running breakfast club at 8am ? and after school club until 6pm ?

or is he maintenance ?

I have a family member who works in a school, works 2.75 more hours than your partner and brings home at least 25% more than your partner ! even with tax / NI and pension.

Good fortune, which includes decent incomes, no additional needs with the children and work flexibility, but most of all, my husband being very engaged, involved and hands on so it's not all on me!

I only have one child, but I think the main difference in terms of your job would be that you have twice as much opportunity for kids to be off sick etc., at least once they second is into the school/nursery routine.

We originally wanted two, but then DH got very sick. He still wants two, but I have said no as he won't be able to provide the extra support I'd need, plus no guarantee he wouldn't become more ill. I definitely see your side, and think you shouldn't have another unless you're very much in agreement.

Hang in he works in a school, presumably as a TA school hours and term time only.

Once kid school age you won't have any childcare costs if he works those hours

You never have to have another child if you don’t want to.

But even if you were to consider it, I would say not until he improves his employment prospects, with more flexible hours and doubles his income.

No he is not bringing that home, or what he tells you he brings home. Have you seen his payslips?

When he says ‘it will work out’ what he means is ‘you will work it out’ - I don’t think that’s the best basis to have another child tbh

you need to look after yourself here

Don't do it, he sounds like a child with " it will all work out " - he means you will have to work it out, you will have to compromise and go without or pay for more childcare.... just no! Tell him no.