He wants another child but at whose expense

Double up on birth control and tell him no, until he gets a higher paid more flexible job then it’s going to end up with you on the firing line.

Absolutely not normal. He is 100% choosing to do this. Anyone paid pro rata finishes the time of their contract and any outstanding work, reports, chats etc gets done the next day. Anything super important can be a quick email from home.

As of today I would be insisting that he comes home immediately after school finishes.

I worked in schools for years. TAs are out of that door when their contracted hours end. He’s sitting chatting in the staffroom because he doesn’t want to come home. You realise most of the teachers will have left before him? What a waster.

Why exactly does he want another child? I’d think about that hard if I were you. Keeps you right where he wants you doesn’t it. Have you heard of that phrase ‘barefoot and pregnant’?

I'd tell him if he wants another DC to either change into a better paid job or to get a second job. Working only 35 hours a week is not on if he is on minimum pay.

He looks after the Inclusion Unit?

Okay...My experience is Scotland, but - at best - it sounds as though your husband is being taken for a ride. A TA should not be responsible for this.

ETA It's just about possible he's been sucked into the "But it's for the good of the children!" culture.

As I said previously, he needs to start putting his own family first.

No is a full sentence OP. Even if the fact that it’s your body was the only reason, it would still be enough, and it sounds like you have plenty reasons to be one and done. You can’t afford it and it would be you experiencing the lions share of the stress it would involve.

Thank you for saying this.

As I said above, our PSAs wouldn't have dreamt of giving the LA free labour.

Or just the small matter of not being the one carrying the baby, with all the actual and potential negative health consequences!

When I was a teacher at secondary, our Pupil Support Assistants were keenly aware of how underpaid they were and there is no way that they would have worked an extra 10 hrs a week for free.

Your husband needs to start putting his family first.

I've not sat down in about 18 years.

I don't think I've ever seen motherhood summed up so succinctly 😂

You need to ask yourself why you are even thinking about sacrificing anything for a man who sacrifices absolutely fuck all for you.

With a partner who doesn't do fuck all with the children we have already, whilst bringing in much less than minimum wage

He needs to get a properly paid job, he can't just tit about at his own whim on peanuts and play the victim if you point out that's the problem.

Why isn't he doing pick ups?

Why would he give his work 2 hours of free labour a day, when they won’t even give him any flexibility when his child is sick?

I haven’t RTFT but I’ve done all the jobs in a school, from LSA, cover to teacher, and your DH is not being honest with you. Teaching is the only thing that would require him to do extra hours beyond the odd staff meeting. He absolutely could finish at 3.30pm and do pick ups. He is choosing not to and lying to you…

he needs a reality check - he thinks you do nothing all day yet bring in more than twice he does? He could finish work in time to do the pick up but is choosing not to

crossing your fingers and hoping it works out is what you do when you are a child. He needs to grow up and understand if he wants something to work out he actually has to do the work and not expect mummy to pick up the pieces.

given you also have a health condition then it is also selfish to put you through a pregnancy

Well that’s just peachy. Ask him if he also knows the winning lottery numbers because the only way this will work out is if you have a healthy bank balance and can give up work forever and a day.

I've worked in schools for 15 years, and I can tell you that TAs do not have to stay late and are not expected to. All the TAs I have ever known are out that door at 3:30 or 4, depending on their contract. Additional hours need to be logged and signed off. If they are not prepared to pay him overtime, he can't be expected to do it. If he feels he needs to , he needs to have a discussion with his line manager about what he can get done within his contracted hours.
TAs are not teachers, they have contracted hours.
If he is not prepared to do have the discussion, then he is not giving you the commitment to looking after the children that you need. Of course it is difficult, and some people find it hard to have the confidence to insist on their rights. I suspect he is one of these. Some SLT do make it uncomfortable for staff to take time off, but it doesn't mean parents can't take time off to care for their own sick children. He should join a union if he has not already done so.
But the bottom line is that either he agrees to share sick days etc with you or he doesn't have a leg to stand on.
And of course, if you don't want another baby, you don't have to have one.

8.30-3.30 is not a 35 hour week, unless he actually gets paid for his 30 min lunch break ? it's a 32.5 hour week and that will account towards his alleged £1200 pay

We have decent husbands. Yours isn't doing the bare minimum.

To be fair, he is NOT good enough. An adult man with young children should be striving to do a hell of a lot better.

And if he gets paid until 3.30, he needs to leave at 3.30. The extra 2 hours every day are 2 hours he is taking from you.

We had a childminder. DD was 2.5 when DS was born and the CM looked after her 4 days a week. I went back to work when DS turned 1. DD got 15 hours (or 30 can’t remember) a week at preschool at that point and CM dropped her off and did pick up. Then the following September she started school and the CM continued to provide wraparound for her whilst looking after DS 4 days a week. We paid between £1300 - £1500 a month during this period, the more expansive costs were obviously when she looked after both FT. At the time we were able to use childcare vouchers (they no longer exist for new applicants) which helped massively.

It was doable because we had a household income of about £100k and a low mortgage as we were in a tiny flat.

If your partner was prepared to be a SAHD so that you could continue to progress at work and increase your earning potential then I think you could just about manage. Babies are not too expensive in the first year and then would be fine on hand me downs from his/her sibling etc and you won’t have childcare costs. But if he insists he wants to work you will struggle financially because his salary is just too low.

However, laying aside the finances it doesn’t sound as if you want a second child and that on its own is enough of a reason not to. Your body = your choice.

Absolutely not OP - you will work yourself into the ground. It is simply not worth it at the moment unless you have ample, useful family support, a partner who is genuinely 50/50 in all aspects of domestic life and admin, or enough money coming in for one of you to stay at home. The burden of two children without any of this, and in the context of COL and general world disorder, is a maternal breakdown waiting to happen.