AIBU to put my child in full time pre-school even if I don’t need to?

This was our plan. I was so looking forward to the freedom 😂

Lasted 2 days and by the end of the week I had decided he’s coming out a full day and an afternoon. So he’s in 3 and a half.

So glad we did that. Honestly it’s actually up there with the best thing I have done in my life.

It wasn’t unstructured. He came from a very good nursery and went into a state preschool school. His old class mates went into the private prep. Part of it I was panicked by the provision difference. I probably didn’t need to worry the school is great.

But it has made such a difference to him. I basically treat that day and a half as homeschool. Widening his provision and targeting it to his weakness and strengths. We do drama, forest school, home ‘lessons’ (phonics, reading, writing, art, maths, history chosen interests) and a few different sports. Also get a few subscriptions each month like kiwi box and Lego.

Mine was 3 1/2 and in 5 days a week preschool (9-3) when I was on maternity leave with my second, it was not a nursery, it was attached to a school. I found 5 days to be easier as it was a consistent routine for him. That was the plan even before I found out I was pregnant. I don’t see it as dumping you older one off because you have a new baby at all, 5 days of preschool at that age has always been the norm in places where I have lived even if there was a SAHM or a nanny

If it is a school nursery they seem fairly inflexible. We had to send them 5 days a week either all mornings or all afternoons. This may have changed since the free 30 hours, but what they did not like was people not sending them regularly, just like school they were supposed to be there all the time. I left mine in private nursery so I could use the free hours in a way that suited me better.

I was where you are now last year and please heed me, apply for 5 days.
My daughter was one of the older ones in year too so turned 4 not long after starting preschool.
If things are going well you can pick up at lunchtime and have a half day or skip a day and keep at home whenever you so like. However, if you end up with a boob barnacle who won't sleep anywhere but with you then you might well need that time!
I understand what people are saying about only getting the time with them once but honestly, there are so many holidays, there's the weekends and after school. It's just not the same as going somewhere 8-6. It's also fantastic educationally and socially.
Let's face it at home with me and the baby she'd be having an afternoon of cbeebies, not making paper mache dinosaur eggs like at nursery!
It's not doing away with your eldest- remember how much 1:1 time they got- your second needs some of that too.
I love my firstborn so much and I do sometimes miss when it was just us two, but I definitely feel I am doing the right thing for her and her development. I make as much of a fuss of her as I can in the evenings, we go to the park after school, I do her bathtimes while daddy has the baby, she picks where we go on weekends.

I wouldn’t send him full time. Enjoy having them both together, it’s good for them. School is 14 long years, have time with him at home while you can.

No it’s fairly normal to do 5 days in preschool where I am. It’s only 9-12 though unless you pay extra for the wrap around care.
My DD did 9-12 though two days a week (9-3 the other 3). Could he do a half day once or twice a week maybe so he gets a full afternoon at home?

Will the school let you do part time hours?

One thing to double check is that your employer and your DH’s are happy for you to take your leave in the school holidays as in some places, those days are fought over and not everyone can have their first choice of days off.

As someone rapidly approaching an empty nest I'd say if you don't need to use external childcare then make the most of the chance to have them home with you. While it's nice to have some one on one time with the new baby, the older sibling also needs one on one time with you, and to spend time with their sibling. This time when they are little goes by so fast and once they get to school you see even less of them. It's an adjustment, and hard work having two little ones at home (I had two under 2) but it's also the most precious of times.

I get this if you have a two year old in full-time nursery (although the language is a bit ott) but at almost 4 they are almost at school. DS has been at school for half my mat leave. We did do 4 days at preschool for a term and then six weeks of summer holidays! I'd do 4 days if possible but 9-3 is hardly ignoring your older child.

First thing you need to do op is distance yourself from people in RL saying you’re cruel

You don’t have children do you @ClaraThePigeon ? So thankfully no dd or DIL will experience your judgement

Could you do half days instead? Of course its up to you, but my eldest does mornings at preschool and it feels the best of both worlds - I get that break/he has fun at nursery (and gets used to the school environment) then we get the afternoons together. Though I had nearly a year with my eldest and youngest at home full time before my eldest was old enough for the free hours, and honestly it is fine - a baby doesnt really need much 'one to one' time and it meant we could have really lazy mornings as we didnt need to be going out anywhere, and fun family outings in the week when places are less busy

What will you do during school holidays? DS did pre school full time when I worked 4 days a week (previously did 4 days a week in childcare nursery) as he really enjoyed it and as it was slightly more structured it meant he didn’t miss out on any activities they were doing. However, I was lucky that my job changed so I was able to have the holidays with him.

Yes I think Yabu. I kept mine in nursery for 3 short days per week when I was on mat leave for various reasons - keep their routine to some extent, keep nursery place open, allow one-on-one time with new baby. But I would never have had eldest in 5 days if it wasn’t necessary, little children do benefit from more time at home with a parent if possible.

I would have at least one day with my child as they grow up so fast. I always had a Wednesday off with my daughter until school. When on mat leave I took my son out of paid nursery until school and it was nice to have that time. They are young adults now.

That depends. Do you enjoy spending time with him? If not he would be better off in preschool. He might feel that his younger sibling has "taken his place" though. I know mine was very upset because him starting school coincided with the arrival of his sibling. Up until then he had me to himself as I was a sahm. I def don't regret all the time we spent together and I think it laid the foundation for our relationship.

I don't think it is cruel at all but it may be tiring for DC, they will be more likely to pick up bugs the more they are there and it is time you cannot get back, eldest will soon be in full time school. Plus if you are taking maternity leave baby will be older and they msy play together making things easier for you. How about putting him in until lunch time on your day off and doing classes in the morning?

Not cruel. But you and baby might actually enjoy having both more than you realise.

I'm coming to the end of my second mat leave and for the first 6 months I was able to reduce DC1 to 3 half days. Which was the minimum to hold his place. It was actually lovely. And I've noticed a shift in DC1 going back to full days, he's seems more easily upset and regressed with potty training, but nursery wouldn't hold his place longer once the new 30 hours kicked in.

Totally understandable that you'd want some one on one time. Could DC1 do half days on the added days? You get a morning with baby and then early pick up for DC1 so they're not left out.

Although it can be a bit disruptive and knackering for DC2 when we're on the toddlers time, I do think they actually miss when they're not here. So far DCs get on really well too, which I think that 6 month period has helped.

Going back we'll each have DCs solo one weekday. Its going to hit DH like a truck 😅 but he'll figure it out and I'm sure will learn to love the chaos. The only thing that really suffered was the housework, but fuck it - it's a short time. I'll have a tidy house one day, right?!

Plenty of people have that age child, and much younger, in nursery for 12 hrs a day, five days a week all year round.

You do what works for your family and don’t feel guilt tripped by others who are probably trying to justify their own actions by criticising you as much as anything else.

It’s a forum called AIBU so I’ll post whatever I feel like thank you very much to the self appointed thread police. I genuinely do not understand it. If you are really struggling with your mental health then that’s different, it can be a genuinely good and helpful idea for the Mother and child or to keep a nursery place, that makes sense but it’s utterly bizarre to me to send a sibling away to nursery more than usual as though they’re an inconvenience. It’s not feasible to expect it to be the same with one child as it is with two. And building the sibling bond matters also. Fine to send them some days and keep some routine and let them enjoy the activities if they’re around this age but to increase it?

If you have a daughter / DIL…. Keep this little nugget to yourself @ClaraThePigeon

Although I would guess your cats bum expression will give it away

I don't think it's cruel, if it really bothers you though does the preschool do half days and would they let you do 3 full days and 2 half days so you get the morning to do baby groups etc and the afternoon with both?

I’ll never understand parents who seemingly want to pretend that their firstborn doesn’t exist when they have a second. You can’t expect it to be exactly like having your first child and have your undivided attention when there’s a sibling. He’s no less important than the baby and I’d want to work on building their bond and making him feel loved and secure as a new baby can be hard on siblings even if you do everything “right” to reduce the risk of resentment. He’s likely to need you more than ever. I’d do 3 days or 4 at most.