I was called a Spinster at work today, I was really offended.

The use of the term on my marriage certificate didn’t seem funny at all because it was an accurate description of who I was at that time when I was 21. It’s a bit of an old fashioned term nowadays but that doesn’t mean it’s rude. But some people love to find offence in anything.

I disagree. It is still her second language. And if she has a legal background I think even more there is a chance she thinks it is a technical term. It used to be.

But language changes. In the way lesbian, dyke or queer used to be insulting but have been reclaimed.

The modern narrative of women choosing not to marry, not to live with men, the male loneliness epidemic. Rebranding spinster wouldn't be a hard leap. In the same way that bachelor used to have connotations of homosexuality, it now smacks of incel-in-his-mums-basement or misogynist.

We are not passive receivers of language. We can help to construct the discourse. But wailing about the insult doesn't do that. Reframing it, including to the speaker, is a step towards change.

That was really rude!

Or a fallen woman.

Because it was always pejorative.

It meant "a woman who couldn't catch a man" even in it's earliest use. Being a spinster was not deemed to be a choice, it was deemed to be a failure.

II was today years old when I heard the term "thornback" for an unmarried lady over 26!! Love it

This in a nutshell!

Agree, it was/is used in an ageist way. And also with the implication that a woman of such status had been rejected as marriage material by men: ‘left on the shelf’ in a male candy shop. Whereas bachelor has the opposite connotation: a man who hasn’t yet chosen a woman.

Tinkly laugh: Well, yes, I suppose I am - in the same way that you’re clearly a Chattel!

2005

It does have negative connotations today and is usually used in a derogatory way. By ignorant people of course. If there’s a next time, beam with pride, as the original ‘spinsters’ were successful and financially independent women 🤷🏻‍♀️

I thought on official docs (until replaced with single) it meant never married. But I may be wrong. I guess it dates to a time when having kids out of wedlock would cause such pearl clutching you’d hide it or be called a harlot or suchlike.

Yes my first marriage certificate says I was a spinster on it. It is still used legally I believe or it was until very recently.

I think I would have just laughed it off and said something like ‘wow! That’s such an old fashioned word!’

Me too! I have in fact once laughed back at a bloke heading in that derogatory direction, querying my marital status, goading him with 'Definitely! Spinster of the parish!' (2015, at the photocopier, he was irritated at having to wait for me LOL).

DGAF what some boring conventional thinks of me.

I was married at 19 and it says spinster on my marriage certificate. I just means single in legal language nothing to worry about

If you don't act on it though, you're just silently seething.

If you're offended, say 'That is incredibly rude.' which is slightly less offensive in the workplace than 'Fuck off breeder.'

Doesn’t having kids mean you’re not a spinster? It’s more a term for never married or had kids.

Exactly. To me spinster falls in to the same derogatory category. Would people tell a single mother to not be so sensitive because her children are, technically, bastards? Some words that were common a long time ago simply have no place in the modern world.

YANBU

I’m proud to be a spinster. Never married. Lived with several men. Three kids.

To each her own. She’s comparing you to social norms. But not all of us want to comply. And to quote Groucho Marks: ‘Marriage is a wonderful institution. But who wants to live in an institution’.

TBF I’m tired of relationship status words encroaching into vocabulary: ‘single mother, divorcee, in a relationship with…’ etc. I don’t give two hoots about someone’s relationship status. They’re just them.

Also tired of people viewing divorce, or no longer living with a coparent, as a ‘failed marriage/relationship’. If you’re happier alone and accept all good things come to end, it’s not a failure to move on. IMHO failure is being stuck with someone who makes you miserable.

I would have laughed out loud. What an oddly old fashioned turn of phrase.

I think it’s one of those things that is only deemed to be offensive on Mumsnet, rather than in real life, because people here find offence in almost anything they can.

A spinster?

I’d have laughed in her face, and would be coming up with anachronisms for the rest of the day.

”Helen, could you lend me a groat?”
”Can I have a go on the spinning Jenny after you, Helen?”
”What of the clock is it, Helen? I don’t want you to miss your brougham.”