I was called a Spinster at work today, I was really offended.

I worked with lots of eastern Europeans and found many young women to be extremely conservative - on a par with my mother's generation.

It sounds to me as though her English is actually imperfect.

My dad's side of the family is from the Balkans and I'm currently learning the language. I've used online language schools with teachers who speak 'perfect English'. Newsflash - they don't. They're very good indeed, but they don't understand all the nuances of the language the same way that a native speaker would.

That works both ways, of course.

I did a degree in Russian many years ago and had stints in Russian universities as part of my course. I recall one of the lecturers getting very upset at us Brits one day...

The (Russian) conversation starter concerned 'racism abroad'. All was well until someone said in Russian "But of course, there's also racism in Russian..."

Well! The wee Russian wumman became very agitated and insisted that this was not the case. It turned out that at that time "rasizm" had connotations of institutionalised racism akin to apartheid in South Africa at that time.

You will be doing the Bulgarian woman a favour if you explain the negative connotations of "spinster".

I'll add, however that - in my experience - Slavic countries pay lip service to equality but are very patriarchal. As I said to my teacher one time: "Women now get to work and do all the housework and most of the gardening."

I recall my mother being appalled when we visited Dad's relatives for the first time: "The girls are being trained to do all the work; the boys are sitting like little princes."

I'll add that it in the big cities in those countries there's also an expectation for women to look glamorous on top of everything else - women are there to be the object of the male gaze.

No, sorry, still not clear.

What subject is arising?

Do you ‘own’ being a complete moron?

Read again.

Blimey. This might be the most condescendingly hectoring post I've seen on here, and that's really saying something. The last paragraph is particularly unpleasant (as well as absurd).

The idea that recognising words have power is 'following the crowd' is ridiculous. I take it you're unmoved by poetry, for instance, since you seem to be saying words are just a collection of sounds with neutral meanings attached?

No. Language is constructed by human beings to convey what human beings mean. As such, words that become freighted with negative connotations tend to become negative themselves.

I also don't know why people keep insisting that this word isn't insulting when dictionaries note this aspect of it. I'd expect the people who compile dictionaries to know a thing or two about language and how it works. Sadly for those posters who are relishing putting the op in her place, society at large doesn't use this term to refer to never-married women in the 21st century. It won't be making a comeback any time soon. So, no, nobody is obliged to 'own it', no matter how furious you get.

Oh do I laugh when the subject arises at family gatherings or anniversaries. I laugh right next to her frowns and glaring eyes. I never bring it up myself, because that's dickish. But when it happens, she takes it because she knows it's just a word. She doesn't like it, but she's a bigger person and knows that the word "spinster" is part of her history (UK), like it or not. And still, I laugh. So should you. Own it.

You often talk about the word 'spinister' at family gatherings and on anniversaries?

It’s “couldn’t care less” btw. You’re clearly ok with using terms that make other people’s teeth itch, so you do you. Also, why did you put feminist in inverted commas? We are all laughing at your mansplaining word salad telling us how we should feel about words attributed to woman. You are being obtuse…oh and stupid and unintelligent too, if the shoe fits. It’s pretty clear what country you come from, so nothing in your comment surprises me 🙄

You are being obstinate. Not stupid or unintelligent, just obstinate. I'm sure you know the definition so I won't repeat it. This is a real English word that some people have adopted into their lexicon. It's not insulting.

You are following the crowd with believing that words have power. They don't. YOU allow words to hurt you. Stop it. It's an accurate and specific word that describes your current marital and child status.

As a side. My wife, who is a "feminist", is labeled as a spinster on our marriage certificate from 2016. She accepted the term as she didn't have a choice and the law had no other option. But in the end, she could care less.

The social weight arises from the feminist carpet bombing of anything historically feminine. It's only a cultural insult to the weaker thinking who believe words have power and women are men.

Oh do I laugh when the subject arises at family gatherings or anniversaries. I laugh right next to her frowns and glaring eyes. I never bring it up myself, because that's dickish. But when it happens, she takes it because she knows it's just a word. She doesn't like it, but she's a bigger person and knows that the word "spinster" is part of her history (UK), like it or not. And still, I laugh. So should you. Own it.

You are being obstinate. Not stupid or unintelligent, just obstinate. I'm sure you know the definition so I won't repeat it. This is a real English word that some people have adopted into their lexicon. It's not insulting.

You are following the crowd with believing that words have power. They don't. YOU allow words to hurt you. Stop it. It's an accurate and specific word that describes your current marital and child status.

As a side. My wife, who is a "feminist", is labeled as a spinster on our marriage certificate from 2016. She accepted the term as she didn't have a choice and the law had no other option. But in the end, she could care less.

The social weight arises from the feminist carpet bombing of anything historically feminine. It's only a cultural insult to the weaker thinking who believe words have power and women are men.

Oh do I laugh when the subject arises at family gatherings or anniversaries. I laugh right next to her frowns and glaring eyes. I never bring it up myself, because that's dickish. But when it happens, she takes it because she knows it's just a word. She doesn't like it, but she's a bigger person and knows that the word "spinster" is part of her history (UK), like it or not. And still, I laugh. So should you. Own it.

You are being obstinate. Not stupid or unintelligent, just obstinate. I'm sure you know the definition so I won't repeat it. This is a real English word that some people have adopted into their lexicon. It's not insulting.

You are following the crowd with believing that words have power. They don't. YOU allow words to hurt you. Stop it. It's an accurate and specific word that describes your current marital and child status.

As a side. My wife, who is a "feminist", is labeled as a spinster on our marriage certificate from 2016. She accepted the term as she didn't have a choice and the law had no other option. But in the end, she could care less.

The social weight arises from the feminist carpet bombing of anything historically feminine. It's only a cultural insult to the weaker thinking who believe words have power and women are men.

Oh do I laugh when the subject arises at family gatherings or anniversaries. I laugh right next to her frowns and glaring eyes. I never bring it up myself, because that's dickish. But when it happens, she takes it because she knows it's just a word. She doesn't like it, but she's a bigger person and knows that the word "spinster" is part of her history (UK), like it or not. And still, I laugh. So should you. Own it.

You are being obstinate. Not stupid or unintelligent, just obstinate. I'm sure you know the definition so I won't repeat it. This is a real English word that some people have adopted into their lexicon. It's not insulting.

You are following the crowd with believing that words have power. They don't. YOU allow words to hurt you. Stop it. It's an accurate and specific word that describes your current marital and child status.

As a side. My wife, who is a "feminist", is labeled as a spinster on our marriage certificate from 2016. She accepted the term as she didn't have a choice and the law had no other option. But in the end, she could care less.

The social weight arises from the feminist carpet bombing of anything historically feminine. It's only a cultural insult to the weaker thinking who believe words have power and women are men.

Oh do I laugh when the subject arises at family gatherings or anniversaries. I laugh right next to her frowns and glaring eyes. I never bring it up myself, because that's dickish. But when it happens, she takes it because she knows it's just a word. She doesn't like it, but she's a bigger person and knows that the word "spinster" is part of her history (UK), like it or not. And still, I laugh. So should you. Own it.

Is She still married?
I would have replied to them " no I just have more sense and don't feel a man would add anything to my life at this point in time"

My friend's husband (in his forties) called me this in 2016. He was dead serious as well 😂

My friend was pregnant at the time and he had just asked ne if i was "jealous" of my friend "being pregnant and all." I replied that I am not jealous though it is lovely to see my friend so happy.

Reader, he did not like it 😂

I do one day a week volunteer work, and today a woman I work with who I don't know very well asked me if I was married or had children. I replied that I wasn't and didn't have kids and she said disparagingly 'Oh, so your a Spinster. I have an aunt who's a Spinster.' It's such a horrible, judgemental term with negative connotations. No one has ever used it to my face before. I have a reasonably successful career behind me and I like my independance. I've had long term relationships with men but I'm currently single and have a lot of single friends. I feel belittled by this comment. AIBU?

Spinster has always had a negative connotation because it implies failure.

Why is it a rude word? It sums up someone’s situation. Like the word widow or widower.

Which is exactly what Op is ENTIRELY BY HER OWN CHOICE. Why is she offended that the correct word for that has been applied to her.