To stop visiting if my sister brings her dog

Your sister's attitude to the bite, which no doubt she'll describe as a nip, tells me all you need to know about the kind of owner she will be. While it's v v normal for a pup to do this especially to small children which I've heard they think are also pups (!), it is up to the owner to correct this. My DB has a v big dog and was so vigilant when he was a crazy puppy. He'd have been mortified if an of his nieces or nephews were bitten or frightened. It's really unfair to out any one or any animal ahead of others. But I'm afraid your sister doesn't sound like the type to accommodate others unfortunately. Crate training is v normal I thought, and effective.

Your sister hasn't got the time to train the puppy but she's got time to sit on her arse every weekend in her mothers house for hours and let it shit and piss everywhere and potentially hurt the kids ? The puppy needs routine and disipline. It's cruel not to train it. Dogs love the reward of good behaviour and it makes for a much happier calmer environment for everyone. Sorry, but your sister and her man do not deserve the joy that owning a dog brings and the dog deserves so much better than those two Morons.

Where does the OP say how old the puppy is for you to know it should be pretty much toilet trained? We have a 16 week puppy and it’s not 100% yet, usually due to us not spotting him going to the door but he definitely still has the odd unexpected accident. As the puppy is very mouthy I would assume it is still pretty young.
It also depends on the age of the puppy how long it can realistically be left alone, they do generally need to be taken pretty much everywhere. At 16 weeks we wouldn’t leave our puppy alone for a couple of hours, even though he’s crated and can’t actually get in any trouble or trash the house! He’s left completely alone every day for around 40 minutes whilst I go for a run and then usually another 15 minutes once I’m back while I have a shower but if I need to go anywhere for longer than that I drop him to my husband in work. We will slowly start to leave him longer periods but it’s not a quick job.

YANBU. Not sure why some posters are giving you a hard time or why they can’t read your updates about your family refusing to have a playpen or crate for the puppy.

We are new puppy owners. We have what we consider the most adorable puppy in the world but she is being trained. We use a crate at home for her too. I do have older children than you and I wouldn’t bring them somewhere to a house where the puppy was out of control and biting little ones. Even if that means I would have to miss out for a while. I don’t get how we went from being a country that loves dogs to dogs have to go everywhere too. A well trained dog is a happy dog.

Your sisters dog will a nightmare as it gets older, no recall and no training.

Stick to your guns @carnivalqueenthethird

The guilt tripping is unacceptable. Your kids come first every single time.

Not the point of the thread, but you all sound very enmeshed. You go to your parents every weekend, you can't do anything with your mum without your sister...

OP, you have your own family now. Invite your parents over instead. Tell your dsis the puppy isn't welcome.

Had any dog, puppy or not, drawn blood from my 4yo, they wouldn't be coming anywhere near them again.

You know if you read ALL of OP’s posts you would have seen she has made the suggestions you have mentioned.

Bit hypocritical to call her judgemental.

Part of the problem though is your incredibly judgmental attitude towards your sister

hahahahahaha. That is precious.

If my sister's dog bit my child, and she and my mother had the attitude of OPs sister and mum? I would bite my sister and tell them that they need to grow the fuck up and that my child and the feral dog would not be in the same room. How they cope with wanting to see me/my child would be up to them to work out given the options i have given them.

Your entirely reasonable boundary - you don't want an untrained bitey puppy around your children - is being ignored and disrespected by your mum and sister.

There's no point trying to debate as they will continue to try to guilt trip you and gaslight you. You have made your position clear and the ball is in their court now to find a way that they can see your family on terms that are acceptable to you.

I agree with a PP who talked about your family of origin being the primary unit and it is time for your new family to take precedence, it sounds like some really unhealthy behaviour is facilitated - you absolutely should be able to take your mum out for the day alone!

They are ignoring the core issue and blaming you for this situation because you are the one that is finding it a problem, it's nothing to do with who's right and wrong, you are the one who doesn't want to continue coming at the same time as them, so in their minds YOU are the cause of the problem, it's bonkers but true. Puppy bites are painful and they are being dicks to your son by finding it funny, I'd be refusing to go too unless compromises were made.. but I'm a dog person and would never suggest a dog being crated for 5-6 hours.

There are ways of temporarily fixing this problem, go at separate times, on separate days or alternate weekends, you host at yours and don't allow them to bring the dog, you go to parents early, they go later and just cross over for dinner, take a playpen for either the dog, or the baby.. I'd let them know that is is temporary and you're open to all being together when the dog is no longer play biting and has better training.

If no compromise can be had then say your parents will just have to visit you.

Part of the problem though is your incredibly judgmental attitude towards your sister, if you are the same in real life as on here it is not a surprise that they all see you as the problem, you need to pick your battles more carefully IMO and keep your nose out of their business the rest of the time, what they do is up to them and you are way too opinionated of things that are nothing to do with you.

I knew it was going to be a cockapoo. A dog walking friend in the village has got one and it's now 5 - and totally untrained. If you see her out on a walk it jumps all over you, covering you in mud. I now have to turn and walk off quickly if I see her out as I know that my coat will get filthy. I've got 2 spaniels and they were trained by 16 weeks not to jump up.

Cockapoos are super intelligent dogs, and can easily be trained but in the wrong hands (and most of the ones I've met are) they're a liability. I wouldn't hold any hope out for this improving, OP.

Can you sister not crate the puppy for part of your visit?

Sorry but if the dog is biting and being unhygienic then it’s not safe to have your kids there. It’s up to your sister to get the dog under control. Until then I’d also refuse to visit when dog is there. I was bitten by a dog as a child and am very wary of them now.

I think the dog needs to be on a short lead at all times inside. I think it’s unreasonable to say that the dog can’t be there. If the dog was on a short lead or in a puppy pen then everyone would be safe.

I love dogs, we don’t tell our cats to move when someone wants to sit in a space they are, when we get a dog it will not have a crate (but it will be trained)…I still think your sister is being ridiculous. And I don’t even think she’s treating the puppy like a human child - a human child you’d manage in a stage appropriate way - she’s not even doing that.
But I also think you might just need to let her (and your mum?) rage- be it the puppy or not being invited places. And you need to start making it happen much more often. You say it’s either the puppy or your family- you get there, you get out check if puppy’s at your parents if so you leave (no drama just leave and not engage in any fallout), she arrives after you with the puppy you collect family and leave; she rages that she can’t do flower shower tell her you’re sorry she’s upset and ignore her, she turns up anyhow with her own ticket (oh how lovely- see you for tea and cake in 2h). It all needs rebalancing especially if you want the option of your mum taking care of your younger one. Yes, there might be a blow out but you cannot go through life constantly appeasing people who are unreasonable.

Stop pandering to your sister and book the tickets to take your mum.

YANBU OP. Anybody with common sense knows that you don't mix babies and animals. Humans should trump dogs every time and your sister is being ridiculous and so are your parents for not seeing that you cannot take your DC there if the dog is on the loose.

Even when it grows up, if it has a wonderful temperament, the lovliest dog in the world can still bite if somebody hurts it by accident.

I don't know anyone who has had a puppy and taken it to somebody else's house before it is toilet trained. Cockapoo's can be very excitable. I love dogs, but my friend always shut hers away because it would jump up at my legs, and I have a condition where I get cellulitis if my legs get scratched.

Your sister and partner leave it alone when they are at work. If they choose to go to your mum every weekend, then they should leave it alone that day too.

The obvious question is, why on earth did they get a dog when they are out 6 days of the week.

The other point is, that you are not going to want to/be able to keep going to your mum every week as your DC grow up. There will be birthday parties and sports matches etc and you just won't have time. When I met XH, he worked every Sat and saw his family every Sun. I had to ask in the end to cut it back because I wanted to vist my family on occasion or go out for a day. Things change.

Maybe it is best to cut it back now, invite them to yours sometimes without sister, or your mum alternates, so each you go there EOW.

As someone who has a child who is now very wary of dogs due to an incident when he was little (around 3-4 years old he was knocked over and nipped by a puppy of a family member), I don't think you are unreasonable to not put your DCs in that situation. We have spent the last 4 years trying to undo one small incident and ensure DS is more comfortable around dogs. Most family and friends understand that and compromised if they wanted to us to visit. Which now means DS is comfortable around those dogs of those family/friends....those that did not and we didn't visit....he still wont get near those dogs.

I also don't think your mum is unreasonable to not ban the dog from the house.
Or you sister not wanting to leave the dog at home.
I think the no crate is a unreasonable as I know alot of people that do this around children.
But they do need to understand if they don't compromise then there is a consequence to that.
You've offered compromises (a crate, leaving the dog home or going alternative weekends) which I think are suitable for the situation. From your posts I gather you don't mean never bring the dog again, just until they have better trained the dog.

I don’t think it’s a coincidence she got a puppy the same time you had a new baby OP. Is she an attention seeker?

YANBU. You've (by the sounds of it) been there numerous times now with the dog around, seen no improvement in its behaviour, have expressed concern, its bitten your DS and it sounds like you've offered suggestions which have all been dismissed because they don't fit with your Dsis.

I'd be hurt because it seems that your parents, whilst trying to please both their DD's, are putting your Dsis and her latest fad before their own DGC.

Sounds dramatic but how would your parents/DSis etc. feel like if the dog turned on one of them or even worse, managed to get hold of your tiny baby? You hear these kind of news stories all the time. Just doesn't bear thinking about I know, but that is what you are protecting your DC from. It's a no brainer.

You said your DSis and her 'fiance'....I can't wait to read your thread about 'bridezilla'...

And the world doesn’t revolve around bloody dogs especially untrained ones and daft owners who treat dogs like accessories than actual animals.

The sister doesn’t even want to properly train the dog or properly care for it. OP is removing her children from the situation like a decent parent and nothing is really stopping her parents from visiting her instead. Pretty sure if the worse were to happen and OP’s young children were hurt by this puppy, you’d be blaming OP instead for having her children there in the first place, not the owner and their dog because it’s “a puppy”.

Under her sister’s care, it’s going to be another untrained dog and I bet the moment it bites sister, she is going to get rid of it or will get rid it of it once the “puppy stage” wears off and she can’t handle the dog. Few are going to go “awww it’s just a puppy” if it bites someone else and the sister calls them a wimp and: shows little remorse.

It’s only a bit of puppy poo/wee! Calm down and enjoy some fur baby cuddles, OP @carnivalqueenthethird

The puppy bit a child. Not much joy in that!