Page 8 | To stop visiting if my sister brings her dog

Seagullstopitnow · 26/01/2026 11:03

I've always had dogs and I'm a bit sick of people that take their weird doodle crosses absolutely everywhere.

YANBU

Chisbots · 26/01/2026 11:03

I think it's the golden child dynamic in full force here.

If you don't live in this sort of family, you won't get it but my cossetted relative, who can barely do anything for himself can do anything with few consequences.

Sounds like she is pissed your DC have taken her place as the "baby" of the family.

And whilst I do treat my dogs like they're kids, there is no way I'd be letting a baby crawl anywhere if there was a possibility of dogshit or wee on the floor, being bit or trampled or harrass a small child.

Sit back, observe, be as objective as possible. Once you see this shit, you can't unsee it...

PorridgeEater · 26/01/2026 11:03

Possible Compromise
Good weather: one sister am, other sister arrives for lunch, dog outside while people eat together, morning sister leaves, other sister stays pm.
Bad weather: one sister am, other sister pm, alternate whose turn it is to have lunch.
But I have a feeling op won't like it. Would take co-operation / planning....

RedToothBrush · 26/01/2026 11:01

carnivalqueenthethird · 25/01/2026 22:19

It is ridiculous, I really want to take my mum to the Chelsea flower show for her birthday, but I know if I book the tickets a fight will ensue because sister wasn’t invited, so she’s getting a garden centre voucher instead!

Show quote history

Two words for you.

Surprise Present.

Don't tell her. Just say you've got a surprise, but she can't have it immediately for reasons that will become clear. She can't tell your sister what she doesn't know herself.

Turn up and take her on the day.

Then its too late for the tantrum.

This is clearly actually something that means a lot to you. Do not give up on the idea. Find a way to make it happen without your sister by any means possible.

RedToothBrush · 26/01/2026 10:53

Your priority is to protect your child from a dog that bites. There is no compromise on this. Your sister and mother can whinge all they like.

You have suggested a range of perfectly reasonable solutions or compromises to ensure this. They have rejected them all.

THIS IS THEIR CHOICE.

I would spell it out that this is their choice and that you don't have a choice about protecting your children.

This isn't your problem to fix. Its up to them to find a solution that protects your children from the dog.

Otherwise you might end up in a situation where you have reasonable grounds to report a bite incident and the dog ends up getting put down. Thats probably not going to work for your sister either now is it?

Ball is in their court.

Let them get on with it in the meantime.

Gggh · 26/01/2026 10:51

Perfectly reasonable OP. I have dogs but they are well trained. Even so if a kid or adult was uncomfortable I would keep them away.

Can your sister get a foldable pen to keep the puppy in when she visits? That way it can have a bed, food, drinks and wee pad. People can interact with the puppy and it has a boundary.

Original poster

carnivalqueenthethird · 26/01/2026 10:46

skyeisthelimit · 26/01/2026 09:56

YANBU OP. Anybody with common sense knows that you don't mix babies and animals. Humans should trump dogs every time and your sister is being ridiculous and so are your parents for not seeing that you cannot take your DC there if the dog is on the loose.

Even when it grows up, if it has a wonderful temperament, the lovliest dog in the world can still bite if somebody hurts it by accident.

I don't know anyone who has had a puppy and taken it to somebody else's house before it is toilet trained. Cockapoo's can be very excitable. I love dogs, but my friend always shut hers away because it would jump up at my legs, and I have a condition where I get cellulitis if my legs get scratched.

Your sister and partner leave it alone when they are at work. If they choose to go to your mum every weekend, then they should leave it alone that day too.

The obvious question is, why on earth did they get a dog when they are out 6 days of the week.

The other point is, that you are not going to want to/be able to keep going to your mum every week as your DC grow up. There will be birthday parties and sports matches etc and you just won't have time. When I met XH, he worked every Sat and saw his family every Sun. I had to ask in the end to cut it back because I wanted to vist my family on occasion or go out for a day. Things change.

Maybe it is best to cut it back now, invite them to yours sometimes without sister, or your mum alternates, so each you go there EOW.

I have a sneaking suspicion that my mum has been going round every day for a hour or so to check on the dog, but she won’t admit it. Before they got the dog, I had an argument with my mum about it and in that argument, told her she would end up looking after it for them. So she won’t want me to know and prove her wrong.

I agree with you and this is why I am so surprised at my mum. Our family dog who died 2 years ago was the kindest , most well behaved dog I have ever met, never hurt a thing and used to come and say hello and bugger off to her bed. My mum was very on top of the dog never going near my oldest when he was a baby and used to keep her separate, so I have no idea why all of a sudden this out of control puppy is different.

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CautiousLurker2 · 26/01/2026 10:46

Dog lover and owner of 2 myself (and former childminder). You are not being unreasonable. They should be crating the puppy at that age when visiting away from home so it has security and familiar items around him, and taking him out on a lead into the garden for toileting and supervised petting.

And no, with young children, it is totally reasonable to refuse to be there with an unmanaged puppy. It can needlessly instil a fear of dogs/animals and is not a positive experience for either the children or the puppy. They sound appalling owners.

Original poster

carnivalqueenthethird · 26/01/2026 10:41

SJM1988 · 26/01/2026 09:56

As someone who has a child who is now very wary of dogs due to an incident when he was little (around 3-4 years old he was knocked over and nipped by a puppy of a family member), I don't think you are unreasonable to not put your DCs in that situation. We have spent the last 4 years trying to undo one small incident and ensure DS is more comfortable around dogs. Most family and friends understand that and compromised if they wanted to us to visit. Which now means DS is comfortable around those dogs of those family/friends....those that did not and we didn't visit....he still wont get near those dogs.

I also don't think your mum is unreasonable to not ban the dog from the house.
Or you sister not wanting to leave the dog at home.
I think the no crate is a unreasonable as I know alot of people that do this around children.
But they do need to understand if they don't compromise then there is a consequence to that.
You've offered compromises (a crate, leaving the dog home or going alternative weekends) which I think are suitable for the situation. From your posts I gather you don't mean never bring the dog again, just until they have better trained the dog.

Yes absolutely. I love dogs, always have done. The puppy is gorgeous and I have no issue with the dog. The issue is with my sister and her partner who are refusing to train it. If I could see every week it was learning how to behave, I wouldn’t mind as much (obviously not the biting), but the dog is just getting worse as every week goes by. If they trained it, I would be more than happy to introduce my kids, but I’m not happy to continue going when the dog is out of control. I have a friend with a put of control cavapoo so a similar breed, and it irritates me so much as all it does the whole time you are there is jump on you, at you, constantly brings toys over for you to throw. I tend to meet her elsewhere now.

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Knitterofcrap · 26/01/2026 10:41

I have a solution!

Buy DPs a lovely cat (that’s terrified of dogs)

Original poster

carnivalqueenthethird · 26/01/2026 10:37

LiveToTell · 26/01/2026 09:55

I don’t think it’s a coincidence she got a puppy the same time you had a new baby OP. Is she an attention seeker?

No my husband doesn’t either. Yes she is an attention seeker. I’m sure someone will come at me for this as I apparently hate my sister but I do think she is jealous of the attention my oldest gets and now I have a second it will only get worse. She absolutely hates the fact that my son likes her fiancé more than her. It’s not just her, my son loves men. He would much rather be with my husband, grandads on both sides and my sister fiancé than he would with any of the women.

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MrsLizzieDarcy · 26/01/2026 10:34

My DC all come home on a saturday and are often here for 5 to 6 hours. It's my favourite part of the week especially seeing my grandkids. We are a close knit family and it's just something we do.

Monty34 · 26/01/2026 10:34

You are not mad for refusing to go anymore.
Your sister knows she is causing a problem.
Your mother won’t tackle her about it. It is easier to upset you than upset the golden sister.
But you cannot tolerate going in the current situation. You have explained why. Time to stop going around every week and when your sister is there.

Saladbrains · 26/01/2026 10:34

carnivalqueenthethird · 25/01/2026 20:38

My family (husband & 2 kids) and my sister and her fiancé go to our parents every weekend for a roast. It’s something we’ve always done so nothing new.

My kids are 4 and 4 months old.

My sister has a new puppy - very cute but obviously hyper. At some point she has agreed with my mum that she can bring the dog round with her every weekend and I’m not happy about it for a couple of reasons.

Firstly the dog albeit a puppy is not being trained so it’s a complete nightmare, shits and wee’s everywhere, no recall etc. I know it will take time but my sister and her fiancé don’t really have the time to train a dog (not sure why they got one in the first place, because their work patterns and lifestyle do not lend themselves to taking care of a dog), so this isn’t going to change any time soon, if at all.

Secondly the dog is constantly jumping up at everyone, playing but biting, its teeth are needle sharp and my 4 year old got bitten last week and it punctured his finger, he now doesn’t like the dog. I also can’t put my baby down on the floor at any point because I know the dog is going to jump all over him and potentially scratch/bite. We are there for a good 5/6 hours every time we go, so to hold a baby for that long is difficult.

I told my parents that we won’t be coming round every weekend if the dog is there. My sister has flown off the handle, which I’m used to, but is saying she can’t leave the dog alone as it’s too young. My mum has started guilt tripping me by saying I’m keeping her grandchildren away.

I have said, I’m not keeping the kids away maliciously, I’m happy to come round if the dog isn’t there, but im not prepared for my oldest to be scared in a house he should feel safe in, and for us to not be able to put the baby down on the floor to play all day. I have suggested if my sister can’t leave the dog, maybe she or her fiancé should be the one staying home.

The conversation hasn’t gone down well at all, totally blown out of proportion to be honest and now I’m starting to second guess myself on whether I am being unreasonable or not?

Thoughts?

Dog crate

Original poster

carnivalqueenthethird · 26/01/2026 10:34

Citrusbergamia · 26/01/2026 09:54

YANBU. You've (by the sounds of it) been there numerous times now with the dog around, seen no improvement in its behaviour, have expressed concern, its bitten your DS and it sounds like you've offered suggestions which have all been dismissed because they don't fit with your Dsis.

I'd be hurt because it seems that your parents, whilst trying to please both their DD's, are putting your Dsis and her latest fad before their own DGC.

Sounds dramatic but how would your parents/DSis etc. feel like if the dog turned on one of them or even worse, managed to get hold of your tiny baby? You hear these kind of news stories all the time. Just doesn't bear thinking about I know, but that is what you are protecting your DC from. It's a no brainer.

You said your DSis and her 'fiance'....I can't wait to read your thread about 'bridezilla'...

Oh goodness, well I could easily write a whole new thread about the bridezilla 😂. I won’t go into too much detail as there’s already been so much, but the dog is supposedly walking down the aisle.. I’m using the word walk very loosely here as I can’t imagine it will walk nicely anywhere as it currently stands. More like run riot, jumping up and ripping people’s clothes. I keep imaging it pulling my sisters veil off her head and that is giving me some sick satisfaction at the minute!

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Citrusbergamia · 26/01/2026 10:28

carnivalqueenthethird · 26/01/2026 10:12

Thanks for much for all your responses, I had read through them all so just wanted to do a big update to clarify a few things instead of clogging up the thread replying to everyone individually with the same answers.

The dog is a 12 week old Cockapoo.
It isn’t being trained and it’s very unlilkely (as it stands) that it ever will, because my sister and her partner are out of the house 6 days a week and have no time to do it. I told them they didn’t have the time to look after a dog and should go for another pet instead but they obviously went for the dog which is their choice.

My parents house is open plan downstairs except the small downstairs toilet (literally has a toilet and sink in and just enough room for me to go in with my 4 year old).

My sister refuses to use a crate/playpen because she thinks is cruel. This is despite us having dogs our whole lives until 2 years ago when my parents last dog died. They all had crates although were never rarely locked away as they didn’t need to be. When my eldest was born my parents dog used to be kept in the kitchen with a stair gate but since the dog died, they have moved to a open plan house so this now isn’t a option.

My mum has also refused to have a crate/playpen. Not because she doesn’t believe in using them like my sister, but because she doesn’t want to store it there for the whole week as my sister won’t be bothered to bring it backwards and forwards every week.

I don’t hate my sister, or my family. I love them enough to want to be around them for a day every week. This doesn’t mean I can’t have opinions and can’t feel pissed off by them. My sister has always been the golden child. Im not jealous of her because of it, I actually feel a bit sorry for her because the constant pandering has left her as a adult who can’t make sensible decisions, can’t take criticism and believes the world revolves her. Despite being in her early 30s she is very immature and irresponsible and lacks common sense. - hence her buying a dog she hasn’t got the capacity to look after properly, and despite being told by at least me several times, she didn’t seem to comprehend that having a animal of any kind means you sometimes need to make sacrifices and miss out on things.

I could see my parents on a different day but my dad still works so he only gets the weekend off and they wouldn’t want to spend the whole weekend seeing me on a Saturday and my sister on a Sunday which I can understand. Plus when I did suggest it, it kicked off because it would mean my sister never seeing my children and she took great offence to it.

The dog isn’t just a pain because it bit my child, in general it’s a complete liability. My 4 year can’t sit on the floor and play because the dog comes bounding over and jumping all over everyone. He has to sit at the dining table kneeling on the chairs, because the puppy thinks his dangling feet are a hanging toy. I can’t put my baby down on the floor and when he is asleep he is currently in a Moses basket on a stand but the dog is constantly jumping up at it, so me and my husband have to tag team and protect a child each which is exhausting.

I don’t know anyone else who has a trained dog that I can ‘socialise’ my son with to get him used to dog. My friend has an untrained cavapoo and that’s just as bad, constantly jumping up at my face and all over me constantly so I don’t take my children at all. My in laws have a lovely gentle dog but it’s absolutely massive and it intimidates my son as the dogs face is face height for my son.

Yes I probably could buy a playpen for my children, however I don’t see why my 4 year old and 4 month should have to stay contained to a play pen for most of a Sunday so a untrained dog can have the run of a house. Surely if a playpen isn’t good enough for a dog, I shouldn’t be expected to put my children in one? Plus I don’t see why I should have a to go out a buy one to accommodate my sister when she is unwilling to accommodate us on any of the suggestions I have made. Petty? Probably.

My opinion is that my kids came first (as in born first), this is something we have done nearly every Sunday for at least 10 years since I left home to move in with my then boyfriend (now husband). My children just slotted into that routine and my 4 year old in particular loves the time he gets every week with my parents. I could understand if my sister had human children and I didn’t want to do certain things because my kids came first, but this is a dog that has completely changed the dynamic. I tried to have conversations with them both before they bought the dog to make them think about what was going to happen every week and how they may have to compromise. They didn’t take it on board and now it’s become my problem.

I wrote this thread because the way my family were acting (completely of the rails angry) has made me second guess myself. I just wanted some reassurance from strangers to know I wasn’t going absolutely mad and they are the ones being unreasonable which it seems the majority of people do agree with.

no you haven't gone mad and they ABU.

Original poster

carnivalqueenthethird · 26/01/2026 10:27

PorridgeEater · 26/01/2026 09:20

"My parents have a big garden so they are using the garden at the weekend as a way of getting out of taking it for a walk."

Could the dog go in the garden when you visit?
Though still think alternate weekends would be good. Don't you ever need time to do something different?

In the summer when it’s warmer yes, but in the winter it won’t happen. My sister treats the dog like a baby anyway, and although I’m not its biggest fan at the moment, I so don’t think it’s fair to lock it outside for 5/6 hours. It would be much happier in its own home, I’m sure of it. That being said, in the summer my
oldest is outside all the time, so the dog would need to be locked inside. The issue is that my sister wants the dog to be as equally included as my children. And as much as I like dogs, I don’t consider them equal.

OP posts:

freakingscared · 26/01/2026 10:24

You are both being a bit unreasonable. She should train her dog and restrain him while at your mums and you should try and negotiate with her that she will contain him while your young kids are around . This way you both benefit , the dog gets used to children in a proper way and your kids learn to be around a dog . Win win

Crunchymum · 26/01/2026 10:24

Missing the point but you go every weekend for 5/6 hours?

I love my parents and my in-laws (and love to be fed and watered) but that is a huge chunk of the weekend.

Maybe this is a natural way to reduce the time a little / change the format / have you parents visit you.

Brefugee · 26/01/2026 10:24

i think it is lovely that you go to your parents, @carnivalqueenthethird i wish we had the option of that.

Your family's reaction (you haven't really said what your dad said/feels about all this?) is bonkers. Really bonkers.

I could see my parents on a different day but my dad still works so he only gets the weekend off and they wouldn’t want to spend the whole weekend seeing me on a Saturday and my sister on a Sunday which I can understand. Plus when I did suggest it, it kicked off because it would mean my sister never seeing my children and she took great offence to it.

In this case, i would make one final attempt to put your point across. As you have done here. And i would say this is my offer, and it is take it or leave it:
i will come alternate weekends with my children/DH but only if the dog is contained in a crate or absent.

The dog is not invited to my house until it is trained or goes in a crate.

The issue of not getting time with your mum without your sister is something else i would address. I am the mum in this scenario and my DDs get along really well. But even so, we make sure to do things separately. And as it happens i do things slightly more often with one than the other, but that is because the other is in a relationship and works full time, whereas the first is single and works part-time. It is what it is. Your mum needs a good talking to - leave your sister right out of any discussion, just tell your mum you want one-on-one time. And if she doesn't? That is sad, but at least you know officially.

Original poster

carnivalqueenthethird · 26/01/2026 10:23

Imbrocator · 26/01/2026 09:08

I’d be sorely tempted to try and address the real problem here with your mum prioritising your sister, as as it sounds like the dog will be just the tip of the iceberg in terms of similar issues coming up down the line.

For an easier route, could you ask your sister to compromise with a lead attached to something (the table?) in the open plan house? The dog would have free rein around, say, one end of the table, and your kids would be free to avoid or interact within the dog zone if they chose. It wouldn’t solve the problem entirely but at least there would be limits (provided your sister didn’t “accidentally” let the lead go long or similar).

This is a good suggestion. I will speak to her this week about it and see what she says. For the immediate term we won’t be going round until the dog has some kind of training. My 4 year old is now scared of it, so I think it even being in the house while he is, won’t go down well. Once/if it’s been trained the lead attached to the table may be a good way of making my son start to feel comfortable around it again.

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user2848502016 · 26/01/2026 10:21

Compromise, do alternate weeks or the finance stays home with the puppy until it’s trained.

It does take a while to house train and all puppies go through a biting phase so this is normal- but personally I wouldn’t have taken my dog to someone else’s house before he was trained, especially if there were young children there.

mikado1 · 26/01/2026 10:21

I think your only hope is if your DM/F stick up for you and insists on a crate in their house. Surely. Acrate can be left outdoors all week and dried if needed and brought in on a Sunday ie no space being taken up. But again, it seems like your sister will settle for no compromise. I'm annoyed on your behalf. They sound like a really unsuitable couple for a puppy and I'd question the breeder who gave them the pup.

TorroFerney · 26/01/2026 10:18

maxandru · 25/01/2026 20:43

Not your house; not your rules!

True it’s up to her mum who she has round but op controls what age can control ie exposing children to this so she just goes round at different times.

sympathy op. Im
Not welcome at my mums as I commented on the dog constantly jumping up (it’s not a puppy) and scratching and ripping my tights and I got told to not come round as she can’t stop it and it’s only me it does it with. This is the dog that when she got it as a puppy her arms were in tatters, bleeding from the repeated scratches. It can’t be trained apparently.

Original poster

carnivalqueenthethird · 26/01/2026 10:18

diddl · 26/01/2026 08:50

but I know if I book the tickets a fight will ensue because sister wasn’t invited,

Honestly if your mum would be pissed off that your sister wasn't invited I'd be pulling right back.

Can't help thinking that if your sister has kids yours will be pushed aside.

She wouldn’t be pissed off she wasn’t invited, but she would invite her because of the hissy fit my sister would throw if she found out we had gone out without her. My sister has to be involved in everything otherwise she takes great offence. I couldn’t care less if she gets arsey with me, but she constantly bugs my mum so mum does it for an easy life I think.

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