To stop visiting if my sister brings her dog

Maybe email the local dog warden for advise, then forward that on to your mum and sister.
They might listen to official advice, rather than have to face the dog warden when the dog, through no fault of its untrained self, bites one of the kids to the point the doctor has to report it.

have you read the thread? it's the kind of thing OP has offered. It is not her that is going to reject this.

Don't be a goady twit. It's tedious.

I got a gsd X puppy when my (now grown up) kids were 4 and 18 months. I got my current dog springer/cocker/poodle mix 4 years ago and he nearly broke me, he was much harder work than my gsd X puppy and 2 under 5's.

We needed a crate because if not then he'd have chewed and swallowed anything and everything he could get a hold of. I'm surprised your sister's house hasn't been trashed if she's leaving him to roam on his own all day. Which in itself is shocking as it's still just a tiny baby really, she's on the path to having a dog with separation anxiety.

We had a few sessions with a gun dog trainer which helped. Not gundog training as such, as the focus was on him being a pet. We learned how to tire him out by his play being focused on using his nose to search for treats and toys amongst loads of other things that worked in with his natural instincts. That breed are prolific resource guarders, my last 2 dogs would let you remove anything from their mouths, not this one -we made that mistake when he was tiny and now he can get aggressive if he thinks your trying to take something off him, we've managed that by teaching him to leave things and drop things to swap them for a better 'treat' - carrots are his top treat.

We used a soft slip lead type of lead for indoors, so he knew when it was on it was time for him to 'settle' at our feet. You also get collapsible crates which fold up and can slide under a bed or into a cupboard, that might help if your mum is opposed to one because she thinks it will be sitting out.

Also the puppy is going to need a safe place to go, they need lots of sleep when they are young.

Unless your sister and her partner are going to put the work in with the puppy then I think you're right to stop going. On the plus side my whirlwind of teeth and fur became super chilled when he got to around 18 months.

So they are ok to call you unreasonable for protecting your child but they are not unreasonable for ignoring an absolutely valid suggestion that the dog is crate trained.

TBH i would just be telling them straight that they cant even control the dog and there is zero chance your child is being put at risk because they are stupid. Fuck them. This kind of ignorance is how kids end up being scarred for life or even killed by uncontrollable pets (granted usually big dogs). If they cant see this, they are the problem, not you

There's so much going on here. The golden child dynamic is really in play. Your sister is it and you're the scapegoat. She is a terribly irresponsible dog owner. Your mom and dad enable her to the point of being ok with her untrained pup biting your child and your youngest crawling around where there's been recent dog pee and feces.

Your kids are sacrificed to catering to your sister to the point of endangering their physical safety.

Do you see how unhealthy that is?

You kids are going to develop a fear of dogs because of being around an untrained puppy that bites and jumps. Your 4 year old probably already has.

You have to stay firm with your parents. Your mom won't be able to watch your youngest when you go back to work, you can't trust her to not have sister's dog around. You're going to have to back off those long weekly visits. Once your kids gets older, you're going to be too busy for those anyway. And be careful of your dad, he might show a side you haven't seen before if you and your husband don't back down. He's going to be the enforcer type if you try to prioritize your kids over what your mom wants. And I hope it doesn't happen, but all hell might break loose if you stand your ground, even though it's the only choice you can make.

It's fair to say to your parents 'do you not think that Lisa insisting on bringing the dog is a bit of a bad idea?' then go on to list examples of its bad behaviour. Maybe try and encourage them to tell her it's no longer allowed. That you may no longer want to come if it is there.

It would be better to get the dog barred rather than having to avoid going.

It's absolutely gross to bring a non house trained dog to any indoor place. Unless it could be locked in the garden but I guess that's cruel and it would bark and shit all over the place anyway!

Your mum and sister are being VERY unreasonable.

Of course you’re not unreasonable

You haven’t said “Tell sister she can’t bring the dog” instead you’ve removed yourself and children from the situation so it’s not like you’ve given an ultimatum

The dog bit your child, you’re protecting your children by not being around the dog. That’s good parenting

If you are there for 5-6 hours it’s just going to me chaos and of course not do able with a 4 month old who won’t be able to be put down on the floor

Stick to your guns and ignore the guilt tripping

Your sister and fiancé are bad dog parents imo

Your sister has mad a rod for her back not training her dog already..I've got a pure bred cocker spaniel and she's a temper mental bitch..nearly 10 now and they are very set in their ways..but i had her trained by 12 weeks and she took to it really quickly but I was very persistent..now that shes gotten old shes gone very lazy with her wees,now the do love kids but are very jumpy uppy dogs..you're right telling her off and telling her to train her dog,not bringing her round your kids yet ..good luck OP you're going to need it xx

So have you messaged them all saying you won’t be there at the weekend yet.

Your sister got the dog to get herself attention and as a practice run for having a baby once she’s married. It happens all the time. I will be surprised if her children behave any better than the puppy so you have that to look forward to next and your mum and hers excuses on why her darling angels temper tantrums and hitting of your children is allowed as they are younger.

Start getting over the guilt trips and putting yourself and kids first. I would be clear to your mum she’s never going to be able to babysit with the way she allows this puppy to hurt her grandchildren. It might sink in if your mum isn’t going to get something she wants. You can guarantee if you let her babysit your sister will insist she needs to dog sit too and no crate and two kids guarantees risks you don’t want. I would suggest you get your dad to babysit at your house and tell them you can trust him to put grandchildren first or only use in-laws if they are willing to keep their big dog away.

Any temper tantrums would be met with me telling them I don’t put up with that behaviour from my children I certainly won’t put up with it from anyone else! Good luck

"She told my son he was being a whimp when he cried after it bit him, obviously felt bad when she realised he was bleeding, but it still pissed me off. She said today she can’t wait for the puppy to pull my babies sleepsuit and try to drag him along the floor 😬"

This tells us everything we need to know about your sister. Sorry but she is an idiot on so many levels and your parents are enabling her totally unreasonable behaviour.

She has her whole family running around trying to keep her happy - I'd drop the rope completely. Tell your parents you won't be coming over when dog is there and they are welcome to come and see you and DGCs any time. Then leave them all to it.

Because your mum and sister are already telling/showing you where you and your children come in their priorities. It's after your sister and it's after the new dog. Why would you play that game?

shouldn't laugh but 😂

Sometimes I think people have lost the plot. OP sorry but you are absolutely not being unreasonable and your mum and sis need to get real. The dog is just that - a dog! Until it's trained your sis needs to keep it away from your babies. Whenever I have taken my DCs to visit friends who have dogs/puppies they prep for our arrival by taking them out for a walk beforehand, and then putting them in separate room or cage so as not to frighten the kiddos. Thought this was pretty normal behaviour. As for weeing on the floor...your mum is a more tolerant woman than I am..!

Your sister is ridiculous and irresponsible. And no sensible dog owner on earth lets their puppy anywhere near babies/toddlers when the puppy is that young as they do bite. Honestly the world has gone dog mad (and I say that as a dog owner!).

Suggest they get a playpen and put the dog in it - will also localise the wee/poo issue!

Well then you are being entirely reasonable by staying away. Consequences.

Dog owner. It was harder to train my children not to wind up the dog, than it was to train the dog when we got one and my kids were substantially older than yours. Your sister and her husband are setting the dog up to fail and your parents are enabling it.

a key part of training is exposing the puppy to different scenarios including where children are present while it is young, especially if the puppy will spend a lot of time with those people in future.

You must be so frustrated Op. You told them all this would happen, now it's happening exactly as you said and they still won't listen.

When your mum complains to you, maybe just have one thing that you say in response, like "Mum do you remember how careful you were to keep old dog and oldest separate when he was a baby? The same thing needs to happen with this dog. We love seeing you, but we can't visit while you prioritise a spoilt dog over your grandchildren." And just repeat, and don't back down. Also maybe try getting your dad alone and telling him how much it means to your son to spend time with him and how sad it is to find that nobody but you cares about keeping your kids safe from this dog. Maybe he will be able to get your mum to see sense.

The anger you're getting over this is probably because it's the first time you've ever not backed down for an easy life, so it brings the whole rotten dynamic out into the light, and they don't like that.

Puppy playpen was useful for my son's manic BC puppy (1year on, beautifully trained, much calmer dog).

Please do not go, you have a job to protect your children. If your Mother cannot see that, she misses out on seeing the grandchildren.
I know it is hard but what about if one of your children got hurt because the golden child refuses to train her dog.
You have also tried to talk about the favouritism between you and your sister with you and your sister. All they can say is you are jealous, so to me they clearly know they are doing it.
Good luck OP this will not be easy.

They need to rehome their puppy. It’s cruel to not train and leave a dog on its own for hours on end. Shame on the breeder who let them have it in the first place. In the meantime they can bring a crate so that the puppy can have some quiet time away from the kids.