To stop visiting if my sister brings her dog

are you crazy? have you read the thread? OP suggested all manner of compromises that were rejected and yes, her children are more important than a dog.

Agree completely with this.

Oh my goodness. Your baby comes first. Dogs are dangerous if untrained especially with babies that can't defend themselves...ssssooooo many horrific stories in the news of dogs killing children. Just refuse to go

Don't back down op, your sister sounds like a complete eejit!

Compromise.

Your sister keeps the dog under proper control eg on a lead, and acknowledges that the dog and the children need to be kept apart., and that it is her responsibility to stop the dog approaching your DC. Your sister & fiance teach the dog how to behave around children.

You take a playpen or something like that for your baby, so she can be on the floor but protected from the dog. And you start to teach your 4 yar old about how to approach a dog - young children often don't know how to approach even the most friendly dog, and do things which put dogs on the defensive. It's a good thing to teach a child how to behave around dogs.

But you've gone in nuclear and emotionally blackmailing.

You & your family are not more important than your sister & her family in your mother's home.

If you'd RTFT, you'd know that the house is open plan, so not possible to have dog in a different room, and sister refuses to train the dog OR buy a crate.

Good for you OP. You’ve done the right thing. And don’t let them bully you into changing your mind.

I got sick of my brothers dog constantly knocking my children over. It’s a huge staffy and they would pop balloons around it to wind him up even more. My mum would sit on the couch encouraging my young daughter to give the dog a kiss when she clearly didn’t want to. If he knocked one of the children over they wouldn’t bat an eyelid.

The dog (who is absolutely massive and is like a dog version of the Incredible Hulk - just not green) would clamber all over my lap, and they would act as if I was a fool when I reacted badly to it. I don’t see them anymore anyway, but I don’t understand why people get dogs and just expect everyone else to put up with them when they didn’t ask to.

They aren’t training the dog.

Exactly what I was going to say. Crate train the puppy so it can be in the same house, but it learns when it is in the crate, it is quiet time to sleep and rest. The owner (Dsis) should be doing this, so it learns not to jump up and bite. Good luck x

This OP.

But you can’t put a 4yo in a playpen for the day- the 4yo certainly wont want to go to grandpa and grandmas anymore if that’s what they do. So in your compromise the op has to care for her baby in a playpen and keep a 4yo away from the dog, or ask someone else to keep the dog away from the 4yo while she changes or feeds baby- sounds exhausting, better to just not go.
also a poster said it’s only temporary until they train the dog- they aren’t training the dog. They are shit dog owners, they aren’t training it or walking it so it’s all going to get worse.

It must be very disappointing/upsetting that your family are down playing the seriousness of the situation.

Not managing dogs appropriately in any context is a risk and setting the dog up to fail. The puppy has bitten, not maliciously because it’s aggressive, but because it doesn’t know how to behave with equally excitable and goofy kids.

Your son has already had a scare which you don’t want compounded into a fear of dogs or any more injury. There are serious consequences if the puppy caused more harm - which no-one wants. I can see how you absolutely need your family to recognise and manage the situation until (hopefully) the pup matures and is trained.

The priorities of your DM and DSIS seem very odd for what might be a short term timeframe. They are easily fixable via training and risk reduction - leads, pens etc. I know use of crates is divisive but can be very helpful if used appropriately. Pens are in no way restrictive - quite the opposite and could really help. Most people I know use them to keep their puppies safe in the first few months.

I think you are right to stand your ground on visits and what you feel comfortable with. @Shutuptrevorhas some good options but be good to see what your DSIS thinks will work - fairly. I think she’ll find friends with kids will feel the same.

I absolutely agree with this. You must put your own DCs first. Coming from an enmeshed family myself (i am the scapegoat - i escaped!) i can completely see how the dynamics are at play here.

Good luck and love to your DS - my own DS was terrified of dogs for years after a big dog ran at him when he was 2 - the dog didnt even bite him but jumped up at him. The size dimensions were akin to a horse jumping up at us.

Why are your family putting a bloody dog before your children??

You have parental responsibility for your children and their safety.
This is not about you, this is about your children.
This could be potentially a safeguarding issue.
Make your decision based only on their safety and wellbeing.

My parents have a big garden so they are using the garden at the weekend as a way of getting out of taking it for a walk

So that'll be the garden covered in crap as well and the kids won't be able to play outside.

In regards childcare when you return to work... l don't think you can trust your parents to keep the dog away from your baby.

Great post.
Honestly OP, it is so unfair that your child was not safe from this in his grandparents house.
The dog drew blood.
You could have years and years of debilitating fear from your child will carry.
My youngest does as the result of an incident 15 years ago when an off the lead dog went for her, she wasn't engaging with it but was playing with friends nosily and the dog got a bit excited with the noise.
I was close by and she jumped into my arms but the little dog was snapping and jumping up.
We both got a fright.
So annoying as she is still very wary.

No it doesn’t. It’s got teeth and it bites. It’s annoying her children and stressing her out. It’s a dog and they do not get parity with humans in any circumstances.

Cocapoos are particular nightmares, too. My DD has one and he took ages to train but is fine now. They work full-time but one of them is always wfh every day. They also crated him as a pup. IMHO, OP's sister is being very unreasonable. And it is cruel to have a dog and not pay attention and train it.

I would not bother with a crate, not that it is viable anyway. My experience of people who put dogs elsewhere in the house because someone else needs them to be separated is that it doesn’t last long. Invariably, they let them out at some point.

I am interested to know why your sister can do no wrong and her whims are catered to at the expense of DGC. What has happened to make her the golden child and why is everyone unwilling to say no to her?

I know you said she will kick off, but we don't teach our kids not to kick off by giving in to them.

The dynamic here sounds really unhealthy.

This is a tricky one. I absolutely would not want my kids around a puppy that has bitten one of them already! However, if the puppy cant be left at home then by default your sister is being uninvited from her parents house which I can see feels unfair to her. The most sensible option is to keep them separate in some way. Ie play pen for baby/ baby under adult supervision if playing on the floor, dog kept away from 4 year old and 4 year old taught to not grab dog etc.
For what its worth I am very much not a dog person and felt nervous this year at Christmas as my baby and small children were around a family members small but jumpy dog. However I understood that to them the dog is part of their family and so a compromise has to be struck- I brought babies play pen and dog was kept distracted by other adults/ lots of walks/ seperate rooms when necessary. If you want to keep attending then i think its fair that some of the compromise comes from you ie play pen for baby. If your sister won't agree to any compromise herself and wont agree to keep the dog away from the children then you are right not to go!

Thing is your sister is the worst sort of dog owner. She’s got a breed that is wrong for her lifestyle, can’t be arsed to train it properly, is treating it like a human baby rather than a dog and is blind to the fact that combo plus babies could be a terrible risk. Your mum is enabling this behaviour and her judgement is also seriously flawed which means you can’t trust her to make sensible decisions. It
also feels like you’ve become quite emeshed. Soon enough your kids will be wanting their own social life and not spending 6 hours of a weekend at your parents. Stepping back a bit now while the dog is an excuse may actually help you in the long run.

Your children only have you to advocate for them. How would you feel if you let the guilt trip from your mum/sister get to you and the baby is bitten badly.

I am shocked your mum even lets it in the house. Maybe an accident once could be acceptable. After that i would be frogmarching the dog and your sister out of the house and telling them not to come back until its house trained.

Acceptance is worse than the ignorance. Who the fuck lets a dog piss and shit in their house? Its not difficult to train a dog something so basic.