To stop visiting if my sister brings her dog

The OP isn't saying she's more important than her sister.

She simply doesn't agree with your bizarre view that in the eyes of the grandparents the sister's dog should be equally important as the OP's two kids.

It's a fucking dog, not a human being.

And it isn't part of anyone's "family"

Even it it was, if the "cousin" was a kid biting and shitting on the floor, I wouldn't want my kid associating with them...

I'd definitely fight this battle now as otherwise it's going to be one in the future, when she has DC and your parents are picking up all the heavy lifting.

I have read through the OP’s posts and most (but not all) of the other posts.

The thing is, an adult untrained dog is not cute - it’s just a pain in the arse. I can never understand why people with untrained dogs aren’t more embarrassed by them.

When a child gets badly attacked by a dog, it isn’t the case that the dog or owner have devil horns. They are usually a family member who thinks their untrained dog is “cute” or “harmless”.

Did you miss the part where OP said that her parents had a dog that died 2 years ago?

Our family dog who died 2 years ago was the kindest , most well behaved dog I have ever met, never hurt a thing and used to come and say hello and bugger off to her bed. My mum was very on top of the dog never going near my oldest when he was a baby and used to keep her separate, so I have no idea why all of a sudden this out of control puppy is different.

Missed the part about the leash, yeah?

Also yes children need to learn how to act around all animals be it the family pet or wildlife. Otherwise you end up with idiot adults that don’t know that animals bite, get scared, aren’t Disney critters that will prepare 6 course meals.

Do people even read anymore?

Sister refuses to control the dog.

The 4 year old isn't approaching the dog. The dog is jumping on him. And biting him. And drawing blood.

The sister and her fiance have zero intention of training the dog.

Maybe the OP's children aren't more important than a dog but OP can also decide to keep her children safe. That isn't emotional blackmail. It is basic parenting.

Time to spell it out clearly.
You gave your sister and her dog the benefit of the doubt and the result was your child was bitten. They have all minimised it and selfishly put their wants ahead of the health and safety of your children, their nephews and grandchildren.
As a responsible parent you are taking action to protect your children. They can't accept it, tough. Your children are your priority and should be theirs, especially the grandparents.
They have shown you who they are, don't ignore it. The priority is the pampered and spoilt daughter. The rest of you come a very distant second.

With everything that’s been disclosed so far about the people involved and the dog I’d say NO NO NO. Your children are being put in a risky situation by people who should be protecting them. The dog lovers on here are making suggestions which inconvenience you and your children at best and at worse put your children at risk of serious life altering injuries and lifetime trauma. Just don’t go if the dogs there and don’t leave your children alone with any of them. I’d like to exit this thread but my blood is boiling with some of the advice being given to OP. it’s a dog and it doesn't merit anything like the consideration your children do. I don’t think you will ever be able to trust any member of your family with your children.

You are very lucky to have parents who will cook you a roast every weekend.why can’t you cook the roast every other weekend and have your parents to dinner instead.

This seems that the family dynamic is that your Mum is more worried about upsetting your sister than you. Because your sister is clearly the dramatic one.

Does your Mum seriously expect you to bring your children around a dog that has already drawn blood in one of your children.

Honestly yes I do think you’re being unreasonable.

You don’t need to be a dog expert but ultimately this is a brand new puppy, like babies it will go through a teething phase. It’s not permanent and it can be managed. It’s different from out of control biting and aggression that you seem to be lumping it in with. Seems a bit OTT to split your family up over that. You just need to give the puppy some allowance to learn how to behave properly.

What you need is some sort of mutual understanding/agreement with your sister that she needs to keep the puppy away from your kids and redirect it when it’s teething. So if it’s being mouthy, she personally needs to step in, separate the dog? Redirect the teething urges with a toy or something. She needs to understand and acknowledge that your 4 year old is now scared of the dog and take you seriously with some sort of responsibility to prevent future issues

But ultimately I do think it’s something you can work out without a divide going forward. You can’t expect a fresh to the world dog to get it right the first time, this is the first time it has been around children whilst simultaneously going through teething etc. That doesn’t mean to say, the dog will always behave like this.

Tbh I think you and your sister are both being unreasonable and selfish.
Have the puppy on a lead at your parents, help the puppy learn how to behave appropriately around children. Help the children learn how to behave around dogs. Don’t have a free for all where the puppy just runs around getting excited and jumping up at everyone.
You all need to put effort in to make it work. I bet your sister has made efforts in the past with your children (which were your choice to have), now her choice is a puppy so try to help achieve a positive outcome.
A bit more support, love and flexibility from everyone and you’ll be back to regular happy meet ups. Good luck, I hope it all works out well.

Yes, I fear that when the OP shows she's serious, and no longer attends the weekend family lunch with the grandkids, that her mother will side with the sister and dog. That would be so heartbreaking for OP. I know all about this kind of dynamic.

If the OP’s sister hasn’t got time to train the dog, she could use one of her free weekends from not visiting mum and dad to do it.

Once dog is trained, OP and family can return.

Not to mention how unhygienic it is having a dog weeing and pooping where a child might be crawling around. It’s gross.

OP, I've read the whole thread and I just have so much sympathy for you. I have a similar family dynamic, minus the dog. I know the dog is what we're focusing on, but I actually think the problem is more that your sister rules the roost with her emotional immaturity, and everyone has to walk on eggshells around her.

Your mother is going to have a very difficult decision to make: Choose to see the grandkids at her house, or give in to her other daughter's batshit behaviour with her dog. I really hope that she chooses the grandkids, but knowing how these family dynamics play out, don't be surprised if your sister prevails, and you are labeled mean, unkind, paranoid, or divisive, because you've 'kept the family apart' due to having completely normal boundaries.

You are absolutely doing the right thing keeping your DC away from the dog. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise. Like a PP said, make your own traditions as a family of 4 on this precious weekend day, and then reassess if/once the dog is trained. Hopefully your sister will eventually grow tired of it, and the dog will end up with a more suitable owner.

I knew it would be a cockapoo.

YANBU at all, I say this as someone with kids and dogs. Kids safety and well being is a priority, especially with them being so young.

it sounds like you’ve made loads of suggestions and they’re not willing to consider them so it’s time for them to accept the consequences of that!

Given the dog is the one hurting the child, id say the child’s safety is more important than the dog’s comfort

Nothing will change until you stop going for a few weeks & they realise that you mean it.

Even then it might not as your mum won't push your sister to do anything.

Don't you all even go for a walk together with the dog rather than just the garden?

Please suggest a compromise that has not already been suggested by the OP. That would be a helpful contribution to the thread.

her children are more important than a dog.

But not to her sister, who is not less important than the OP. The OP is assuming that as the reproducer and producer of grandchildren she is more important than her sister. Compromise is needed.

I’d be in hospital for alcohol poisoning if I turned this thread into a drinking game of how many posters who have not read all of OP’s posts suggested a crate, a separate room, or made out as if OP is being unreasonable not to want her children around a bad owner and an untrained puppy they shouldn’t have gotten in the first place, especially since they couldn’t get a rescue due to their lifestyle.

The sister and her guy leave the dog alone while they work during the week but one can’t stay with it alone on one weekend day

Considering she called her 4 yo nephew a wimp after her puppy bit them, says a lot about how much sense she has.

Stay strong OP and don’t be bullied! Your sister sounds totally unreasonable and has obviously leaned that if she has a tantrum, your parents will immediately cave in and take her side. Your child has already been bitten, your baby is at risk, make alternative arrangements until such time as you feel you can visit without danger. You are completely in the right but are being gaslighted so that you doubt yourself. I feel angry on your behalf!

I also hate how some American words have slipped into our vocabulary. Hate play date what’s up with just going to Mary’s house to play?

Some now say stroller instead of pram or buggy.

Can no longer say the slang word for cigarette because fa*got is offensive in the US.

But the right wing still insist we are being taken over by Muslims. Even though we now have a lot of American traditions school proms gender reveals and baby showers. All while saying they won’t go to the US with what’s going on.

You are completely in the right OP and are handling this very well. It’s amazing you’ve managed to not have a family fall out/situation before with a sister like that!

I would be wary that when your sister has kids (if she does) they will be the focus of your mums life. Your sister will have her maternity leave- where do you think she’ll spend it, at your mums? I would just be on high alert for your kids getting sidelined and being upset at the favouritism. Obviously that is a long way away but sometimes it’s best to be prepared and quietly retreat.