To stop visiting if my sister brings her dog

At risk of repeating what everyone else has said - with reasonable dog owners there would be lots of options to have both dog and kids in same house at same time. These don't sound like reasonable dog owners. Be wary of sister 'agreeing' to crate/playpen/lead etc (esp if you stick to your guns and don't visit) and then conveniently 'forgetting' when you're actually there. I wouldn't trust her or your mum to put sensible measures in place every week unfortunately. It's a shame, it could have been lovely for the kids to have a pup to interact safely with, but it's just not possible if pup's owner is not willing to focus on the 'safely' part...
We have recently taken on a kitten with older children than yours. My older one is nervous because kitten is very fast and tends to climb legs. So they are not together unless I'm supervising. Younger child loves kitten but tends to get a bit bouncy so again I am supervising. Visiting children will be supervised very carefully to keep both kitten and child safe and happy.

I'd start making new family traditions and going out on Sundays or having your own Sunday lunches at home. I appreciate you like spending time with your family but every single Sunday sounds suffocating and you sound far too enmeshed with your mother and sister. It's your parents's fault that your sister is a spoilt brat vying for everyone's attention and and they will now have to live with the consequences of favouring her over you and her mutt over their grandchildren.

If you think your father could be persuaded to cut the apron strings you could invite him over to yours for a meal and to spend time with his grandson. If he hasn't got the balls to stand up to your Mum then his loss.

Honestly I'd be taking a huge step back from the whole dysfunctional lot of them. There is a big wide world out there that doesn't revolve around your ridiculous sister and her demands, get out there and explore it.

Don't let your crazy sister in your house. She needs to grow up. Yout mother appears to be enabling her ridiculous behaviour.

She is an amazing aunt in general, just not when it comes to this dog.

Leave out the dog. She's okay when she gets her way.

She called your son a name when he was bitten. She's cool with your baby crawling in the remains of her dog's urine and feces. That place needs professional carpet cleaning.

Your whole family is not amazing and I think the fog is going to be lifting a bit for you as to what's really going on here. Prepare yourself for a shit storm if you don't allow your children to be the dog's chew toys.

Her ideal of her dog dragging your kid around in his sleep suit, um, that's the opposite of cute. It's horrific.

I would step back. Maintain your position, keep a reasonable tone, offer to see parents at your house or at different times to the dog. Don't give any grounds for any reasonable person to lay fault at your door, it will work itself out in the end either because the dog will be rehomed or trained properly or can be left for longer periods to trash your sisters house.

Realistically even if your sister was religiously and firmly training the dog, you would need to be cautious for at least a couple of years with such young children and an excitable breed so you might as well assume that your visiting patterns would need to change anyway.

Why would we not ask about the most logical solution? OP’s mother presumably would also not be happy to put a puppy in a bedroom so instead she sold prefer her daughter to hold her baby for 5-6 hours instead of being able to put it him/her on the floor to play. She’s also happy to accept her other grandchild is scared of the dog as long as the dog is not put in a bedroom. You have to wonder sometimes about priorities…protecting the bedroom and making sure the dog is ok seem to be the priority here.

I don't think someone who called their 4 year old nephew a wimp can be called an amazing aunt.

Ok… but the OP won’t know unless she suggests it. So I think she should try that first to see if a compromise can be made. If not then she makes the decision that’s best for her family. Why is that so difficult?

Why do people always say this?
Many houses don't have separate rooms. Eg on the ground floor of my house there is a living/dining room and a kitchen. Nowhere separate to put a puppy unless it's on a bedroom upstairs and I certainly wouldn't be happy about that
OP I don't think he you are being serious at all. Suggest alternate weekends of your sister won't agree to that and your mother complains about not seeing the grandchildren invite her (not not your sister) to your house
Actually I think 5 or 6 hours every week at your parents house is a lot anyway. Doesn't it really restrict what you can do at the weekend?

🤷‍♀️ Not sure why it’s controversial when I suggest it but reasonable when someone else does.

Where did I say it was reasonable to one poster and controversial to you?

If it works great but considering how sister is as an owner, I doubt she is going to leash the dog for 5 hours. I’d bet she would put a leash on the dog and let it run around unless her, her guy and OP’s parents take turns holding the leash.

Your mum is enabling your sister.

Your Son should invite Grandpa, and JUST Grandpa, around to your home on Sunday for a Men-Only Lego Building Lunch.
No Dogs - they might get hurt ruining eating the Lego.

Because the sister is the one saying she wants to see the kids. Therefore OP now has leverage. If the sister doesn’t agree to the leash then the OP can make the decision to not go.

After going back and skimming the OP’s comments, she did think that approach would might work 🤷‍♀️ Not sure why it’s controversial when I suggest it but reasonable when someone else does.

If your sister thinks the puppy is a baby [as in like a human child] she has bigger issues to deal as well as training a dog.

Oh dear god!
I have kids, and dogs.
But never had puppies and toddlers. It is an absolute certainty that the dogs will harm the children.
Not just possible biting but
Snack snatching
Running through them rather than around them for a trigger .eg doorbell
Over them on the floor
Past them on the stairs.
Licking food off them and passing on germs....its just endless.

You are being pushed because I suspect you are the one who has always given ground before, but you can't now. You can't and its not a "want" . Its a can't.

They are asking you to care less about the safety of your children than they do about having family time just the same as they used to.
Than they do about having a pet they don't have time to care for properly.
Than they even do about having to store a crate for the rest of the week somewhere.

Wow. Cupboard space v child safety.

I don't know what to say.

Is it the one shown in the previous quote?

Also what makes you think that OP’s sister is going to accept a leash if she won’t accept any other suggestions? Really think the sister is going to control her dog if it’s on a leash?

I would not bother with a crate, not that it is viable anyway. My experience of people who put dogs elsewhere in the house because someone else needs them to be separated is that it doesn’t last long. Invariably, they let them out at some point

So true. Keeping their dog away from people is not as important to the owner as it is to the person who would rather not interact with a dog.

It's reasonable with your young children to say that they're scared and you can't relax while the dog's there so you can visit alternate weekends or whenever your sister can leave the dog at home until he's trained.

My stepdaughter was scared of my mum's dog when she was a toddler but we'd still visit and the dog (who was lovely and well trained) was kept in the utility room and garden while we were over for Sunday roast. I didn't have to ask, my mum just recognised that she was uncomfortable and made sure that both the dog and the child were able to feel happy and safe in the house.

My siblings and I all have dogs now and through the years, depending on how many children and how many dogs are over at my mum's sometimes our (now very old) dog will come with us and we'll stay longer, go on a big walk after the roast etc or sometimes we'll leave him at home for a few hours and everything's fine.

It's a nice idea for a dog to be in the house with everyone but your sister's particular dog isn't ready for that.

yikes - there is no way your child should be in ap piston where they are bitten.

did they have to get medical care?

It would be better to get the dog barred rather than having to avoid going

Quite. I've lived in the same house for over 30 years and never had a dog over the doorstep. Doesn't matter whose dog it is, it's not coming in.

She might feel the same about your kids?

Then presumably she's welcome to stay at home and OP will not kick up a fuss.

Your sister is an arse. She should be exposing her dog to different environments in a controlled way, (on a leash, separated by a pen, shorter visits) whilst she works on toilet training, distraction techniques and impulse control. What she's doing right now isn't exposure or socialisation, and the poor puppy knows no better.

In your shoes I'd say if they wont consider a pen, keeping on a leash or actively staying so on top of the puppy that they are ensuring your kids aren't impacted then you'll leave the next few visits and reassess after Easter.

We already had a dog when dd had dgs. Dog wasn't allowed near dgs, not a problem as she wasn't interested, is well trained and just took herself off elsewhere whilst he was here. He was five before he asked if he could stroke the dog. She greets his arrival now, he strokes her gives her the odd treat. When she's had enough she takes herself off to snooze and grandson knows he isn't to disturb her. I would have used gates and a pen had I needed to to keep grandson safe and happy.

and I don’t know where to start with the hygiene 🤢

This. I couldn't let my child crawl around and play on a floor where a dog parks its bum and poos and pees.

Did you miss where my original comment was about 200 posts before that one from the OP and I was replying to a quote?

Missed nothing as I have read the whole thread. Sister can’t be trusted and has demonstrated this clearly so won’t use leash properly even if willing to try which from her reaction to other suggestions and compromises it appears she isn’t. The children have not been given the chance to act properly round animals as the dog is very badly behaved, won’t stay away from them, hasn’t been kept away from them and has bitten one of them. She is teaching her children that sometimes your only option is sometimes to stay away from the animal. You don’t have to share a living place with an animal to know how dangerous they can be.