Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stop visiting if my sister brings her dog

535 replies

carnivalqueenthethird · 25/01/2026 20:38

My family (husband & 2 kids) and my sister and her fiancé go to our parents every weekend for a roast. It’s something we’ve always done so nothing new.

My kids are 4 and 4 months old.

My sister has a new puppy - very cute but obviously hyper. At some point she has agreed with my mum that she can bring the dog round with her every weekend and I’m not happy about it for a couple of reasons.

Firstly the dog albeit a puppy is not being trained so it’s a complete nightmare, shits and wee’s everywhere, no recall etc. I know it will take time but my sister and her fiancé don’t really have the time to train a dog (not sure why they got one in the first place, because their work patterns and lifestyle do not lend themselves to taking care of a dog), so this isn’t going to change any time soon, if at all.

Secondly the dog is constantly jumping up at everyone, playing but biting, its teeth are needle sharp and my 4 year old got bitten last week and it punctured his finger, he now doesn’t like the dog. I also can’t put my baby down on the floor at any point because I know the dog is going to jump all over him and potentially scratch/bite. We are there for a good 5/6 hours every time we go, so to hold a baby for that long is difficult.

I told my parents that we won’t be coming round every weekend if the dog is there. My sister has flown off the handle, which I’m used to, but is saying she can’t leave the dog alone as it’s too young. My mum has started guilt tripping me by saying I’m keeping her grandchildren away.

I have said, I’m not keeping the kids away maliciously, I’m happy to come round if the dog isn’t there, but im not prepared for my oldest to be scared in a house he should feel safe in, and for us to not be able to put the baby down on the floor to play all day. I have suggested if my sister can’t leave the dog, maybe she or her fiancé should be the one staying home.

The conversation hasn’t gone down well at all, totally blown out of proportion to be honest and now I’m starting to second guess myself on whether I am being unreasonable or not?

Thoughts?

OP posts:
Astra53 · 25/01/2026 20:59

How about a puppy gate and keep the dog in the kitchen? However, your 4 year old might be scared that it will get out? I was bitten by a dog at a young age and have been very wary of all dogs ever since. I am now 61 and it never goes away despite me being such an animal lover.

Millymolly99 · 25/01/2026 20:58

Your sister is being unreasonable OP, not you. There are so many similar threads and stories in real life, about dogs being put on pedestals and family relationships suffering as a result

cleo333 · 25/01/2026 20:58

I’ve always thought how would I tell my child when older if they were bitten and marked -???they need to control the dog ( my mums dog went for my daughter cos my dad won’t put it away ) and I’ve felt terrible guilt since . It’s a definite no to the dog

Nursemumma92 · 25/01/2026 20:58

hardtocare · 25/01/2026 20:46

You’re both unreasonable. She can’t leave her puppy alone any more than you can leave your kids. You’ll just have to visit at different times until the dog is trained/ old enough to stay home for a couple of hours

She hasn't asked her sister to leave it alone, just her sister or partner to stay home with it. The puppy bit her child! Of course she has every right to say she won't be bringing the children into that situation when no changes have been made. Her children should not be subjected to that!

LemaxObsessive · 25/01/2026 20:58

Your poor parents, having to cook for all those people every single week! Do you not ever reciprocate? I’ve not relied on my mum to cook my meals since I was a child. I cook her meals now at my house..

Original poster
carnivalqueenthethird · 25/01/2026 20:57

Mauro711 · 25/01/2026 20:43

My most recent dog was a land shark when very young. He’s now 7 months and doesn’t bite anymore as he’s got all his adult teeth. I would never had been comfortable having him around kids when he was at his worst though. It would be much better for everyone to wait until the puppy has calmed down a bit. It would be a shame if your son developed a phobia.

This is what I have said, I don’t have an issue with the dog, I know it’s a puppy and I grew up with dogs so I know how they behave. The issue i have is my sister treating it like a human baby, having to bring it everywhere and basically telling me that she doesn’t care if her nephew is now scared and I can’t put my baby on the floor to play because her dog is more important. She is very irresponsible in general so this dog will not be getting trained anytime soon, I would bet money on it.

OP posts:
Aquarius91 · 25/01/2026 20:56

Of course you can leave a dog alone. It’s not a baby! How ridiculous. She needs to get her arse in gear and train the dog, in the meantime cut the visits to mums short on a Sunday (stay maybe 1-2 hours) or leave fiancé at home with dog until it’s trained. Babys tak priority and your mum should be in agreement if she thinks you’re “taking her grandkids away” 🙄

Brefugee · 25/01/2026 20:54

I would be firm that i wasn't going to take my children there if the dog is going to be there. If they try to trick you, pack up and leave.

Don't give into blackmail.

Original poster
carnivalqueenthethird · 25/01/2026 20:54

LoveWine123 · 25/01/2026 20:51

Why can’t the dog be put in a different room?

My parents house is all open plan so the only other room is a downstairs toilet. I can imagine the dog will just constantly whine if it’s shut in a toilet and I obviously can’t play with my baby in there.

OP posts:
Chisbots · 25/01/2026 20:53

They should have the dog pretty much toilet trained by now...and they definitely shouldn't have the poor puppy being set up to fail in new environments

A dog that is making a mess inside the house is a failure of the adults who should be looking after it.

I think the reasonable adjustments to visiting are reasonable. If her toys are going out of the pram, then that's her problem.

DenizenOfAisleOfShame · 25/01/2026 20:53

TBH I’d be wary of going anywhere with small children where’s there’s a dog. A ramble with a little dog on a leash, maybe, but never indoors with any dog. I couldn’t give a shit what the dog lovers say. All, literally all, dogs are a danger to small children.

SemiSober · 25/01/2026 20:52

CrackSpackle · 25/01/2026 20:51

How much can a puppy possibly pee or poop? What if your sister refuses to visit if you bring your now 4 month old, when it is going through the terrible two’s in a year and a half? Surely dialogue, not ultimatums, is the way to handle this? Coming to a compromise (a big kennel at your parents place for the pup perhaps?) is far kinder than refusal.

The puppy bit her child

Original poster
carnivalqueenthethird · 25/01/2026 20:52

Trallers · 25/01/2026 20:47

I think you're overreacting a little (only a little though). I'd not stop going but would absolutely keep my children in a puppy free room/bring a big playpen. They should bring a crate for the puppy at the very least.

My parents house is all open plan, so the only separate room on the ground floor is the toilet. I don’t see why I should have to bring a playpen for my children and give the dog the run of the house. My sister won’t use a cage and my mum won’t have one in the house.

OP posts:
LoveWine123 · 25/01/2026 20:51

Why can’t the dog be put in a different room?

CrackSpackle · 25/01/2026 20:51

How much can a puppy possibly pee or poop? What if your sister refuses to visit if you bring your now 4 month old, when it is going through the terrible two’s in a year and a half? Surely dialogue, not ultimatums, is the way to handle this? Coming to a compromise (a big kennel at your parents place for the pup perhaps?) is far kinder than refusal.

Original poster
carnivalqueenthethird · 25/01/2026 20:50

maxandru · 25/01/2026 20:43

Not your house; not your rules!

Totally agree, but when I tell them we won’t be coming if the dog is there, they also shouldn’t fly off the handle.

OP posts:
dukenpixie · 25/01/2026 20:50

Its a puppy. Give them time to train it and be encouraging about it. I hope the dog is a joy for them!

Has sister thought about putting puppy in a kennel?

SemiSober · 25/01/2026 20:49

Could your sister and her partner arrive a bit earlier than you and your family on the day you’re visiting, and then partner take the puppy home with them? That way, your sister could stay a while longer with you and the kids.

Original poster
carnivalqueenthethird · 25/01/2026 20:49

hardtocare · 25/01/2026 20:46

You’re both unreasonable. She can’t leave her puppy alone any more than you can leave your kids. You’ll just have to visit at different times until the dog is trained/ old enough to stay home for a couple of hours

I’m not asking her to leave the dog alone, I asked for her or her fiancé to stay home with it until it’s trained, which they are refusing to do. They take the dog everywhere.

OP posts:
RoastBanana · 25/01/2026 20:48

Your mother is being unreasonable! It is nonsense to say you are keeping the grandchildren away. She can see them at other times presumably?

Agree your DS is not doing the right thing by the dog. An untrained puppy may be seen as sweet (by some😬); an untrained dog is universally unpopular. Plus, who on earth takes their dog to someone else’s house if it is not toilet trained?

Original poster
carnivalqueenthethird · 25/01/2026 20:48

Thefrenchconnection1 · 25/01/2026 20:44

Crate train the dog. Walk it on arrival (could go somewhere together - kids in park, sister walk dog). When at parents, dog goes in crate allowing baby to play.

She won’t. My mum won’t have a cage at her house and my sister doesn’t use one anyway. I did suggest this to them. My sister thinks the dog is a baby and doesnt think it should be separated from everyone.

OP posts:
Trallers · 25/01/2026 20:47

I think you're overreacting a little (only a little though). I'd not stop going but would absolutely keep my children in a puppy free room/bring a big playpen. They should bring a crate for the puppy at the very least.

Ilikewinter · 25/01/2026 20:46

Your sister could get a puppy pen ( or kids play pen, it's the same thing!), and keep it in there when not supervising it. That would give you peace of mind.

hardtocare · 25/01/2026 20:46

You’re both unreasonable. She can’t leave her puppy alone any more than you can leave your kids. You’ll just have to visit at different times until the dog is trained/ old enough to stay home for a couple of hours

Original poster
carnivalqueenthethird · 25/01/2026 20:46

Bringonsummer88 · 25/01/2026 20:42

I think you’ll need to go alternate weekends / different days for a while, or perhaps sometimes your sister leaves the dog with her husband at home. Or your parents come to your house sometime and your sister doesn’t come.

This was one of my suggestions but it went down like a lead balloon. Both my mum and sister think I am singling out my sister by making it so she can’t come every week and/or as a result she doesn’t get to see her nephews. My parents are used to seeing my kids every single week, I know my dad in particular looks forwards to it so much as he adores them. They would be really gutted if that changed to every other week which I understand but they are both effectively choosing the dog over the kids by being so stubborn about the dog going.

OP posts: