To stop visiting if my sister brings her dog

I think the op knows that…. Hence why she said she wouldn’t be going….

are you alright?

Well it's your mother's house so she sets the rules. That said you are an adult with autonomy who can make her own decisions. I personally would not be allowing my children to be scared by an untrained pup. I would not be sitting there for hours waiting for the next pile of poo to arrive on the mat while my sister pretends it's all just fabulous. Your babies your rules.

You can’t leave a puppy alone for long, they struggle and their behaviour will get worse. They are basically a baby who has been taken for their family, not understanding why, and need to be with their caregivers until they have been trained to be ok being alone. It is cruel to do otherwise.
OP is unhappy and that’s not great but don’t punish the dog.

Oh dear sounds awful, not the way you want to spend your precious family time together. You aren’t being unreasonable, set boundaries for the sake of your children. You have to be careful introducing young children to puppies. Your 4 year old will probably be fearful of dogs in general for a while if this isn’t handled correctly. A puppy can easily be Great Dane sized to a small child, you have a duty of care to your child to not bring them into an environment where they are fearful of being bitten, or actually get bitten, and I don’t know where to start with the hygiene 🤢. You should be able to somewhat relax at a Sunday lunch with your family, not be in a constant state of hyper vigilance. What breed is the dog?

Your parents are being unreasonable in expecting you to be prepared to allow small children to share space with an animal that has injured one of them already. It doesn't have to be a blame game, or ultimatums with no end date. Just a simple "pup is a bit wild atm and makes it hard for us to relax when out kids might get bit".

If they can't see that, I think you have a much bigger family- dynamic problem. Is your DS the Golden Child?

This puppy bit your child .... why on earth would he or you want to be there with it? I am stunned that your parents cannot see this and are taking it personally!
Your sister is being ridiculous, both in not training her puppy and thinking you might want it round your children like that.
Thank goodness my family is not nuts like this. All this would be sorted simply and amicably with each understanding the others' point of view.

Maybe suggesting the tethering method? Basically pup is attached to owner at all times with a 6ft lead. It means you know it can't jump on people and keeps them close so toilet training is easier

Or if they insist on keeping the dog loose then is only allowed in the garden and the room that leads to it. Baby gate off that room so the dog and your children have space away from each other.

If the dog can’t be separated from the children due to the layout of the house and your sister’s unwillingness, then I think you’d be a reckless parent to take two young children to be around a dog that has already bitten one of them. Especially since the owners of the dog don’t seem to particularly care that it bit.
I understand it’s a puppy, I’m not saying it must immediately be put down or anything. But surely any rational dog owner would be like “of course, I completely understand that you don’t want a baby around my puppy at the moment. I also don’t want your baby to potentially get bitten!”

I think they meant a playpen for the dog. Easy for your sister to bring, erect and take home.

I would ask your mum what is more I'm seeing a dog or grandchildren

Your parents need to make a choice. Their grandchildren or the dog. I know which one I would prioritise.

This

We have this situation in our family. DB and SIL got a puppy without taking into account they live in a flat with no garden and are both busy professionals who work away a lot. It's some 'cross poo' type which is very cute but hyperactive and barely trained, and also can't be left alone for a single second at home without crying nonstop and annoying the neighbours.

As a result, whenever DB is working in the office/away for the weekend/out for the day (which is a lot) it goes to my parent's house to stay. It barks nonstop, jumps up, snaps and has absolutely no recall. My parents adore it. My DC, already iffy about dogs, won't go near it (and I wouldn't let them even if they wanted to), so any visits to their grandparents either consist of us being turned away because the dog is already there, or the dog being put in the kitchen and listening to it bark and scratch at the door for the entirety of the visit, which puts the DC on edge.

You are 100% correct! I have along standing feud with my BIL over the same thing. He brought the dog everywhere and when i hosted Christmas dinner for 14 people a few years ago he said he was bringing it! The dog has anxiety and howls when left alone. He nips when he is nervous and doesn’t like noise So 1 didn’t want it around us when we were eating and 2, I had my 5 year old and my 14 month old who had just started walking my 2 year niece and my 3 year old nephew going to be there. No place for a dog never mind and anxious one told him so and he hasn’t spoken to me since, if we go to other family members and the dogs there either sit in another room with my kids and don’t let them near the dog or we leave

Put your problems to your DM and DSis and ask them to come up with a suitable solution. I.e. one that does not risk your DCs being hurt. This puts the onus on them rather than your suggestions that they then dismiss.

• You still want to see your DM, DF and DSis.
• They want to see you.
• Dog has bitten children & is jumping up which is not safe for your DCs so they cannot share the same space.

I largely agree tbh. I’m actually a big dog lover, but I grew up with very happy, fulfilled, impeccably trained working sheepdogs. The vast majority of people I know with dogs just do not resemble proper dog ownership in the way I grew up understanding it. I grew so sick and tired of visiting people with my children and seeing their dogs showing extremely obvious distressed body language and their owners being totally oblivious. As a result, I now don’t have my children in enclosed spaces with dogs at all, with a few well-deserved exceptions.

YANBU OP I’d tell them all to grow up and get over it.

What was the reaction of your parents and sister when your child was bitten by the puppy?

If your parents adore your children, why are they not taking in that your son is now afraid of dogs after being bitten.

You are definitely not being unreasonable about your children needing to be in an environment that they feel safe and happy in.

Your parents need to make a choice. Their grandchildren or the dog. I know which one I would prioritise.

In stead your parents are prioritising your sister's wants over your need to prioritise the safety and health of your children.

I take it your sister has your parents wrapped round her finger and your parents give into her wants all the time.

I have a friend with a puppy who sounds identical - my friend isn’t even ashamed of herself when the dog shits or pisses on the floor nor does she make any effort to clean it up and she laughs when it bites me.

Is your sister the same by any chance? Depending on if your sister is trying to train or not would impact how I’d react. If she doesn’t give a shit like my friend Id stop going. If she is trying to train and is apologetic when the dog plays up I’d ask for a compromise until it’s trained.

Dc and ddogs can benefit from forming good relationships..if both 'owners are on board... Dd has a young baby and we have a young dpuppy... Both very well supervised during these early stages..
Dsis is being unreasonable not to be supervising the dpuppy. And your dps are enabling her to being a shit ddog owner...
Stay home. Dm can visit you until dpuppy has completed dpuppy classes.