To stop visiting if my sister brings her dog

Could something like this work?

I wouldn't have my children in a house with dogs full stop, let alone where one is allowed to piss and shit on the floor, and certainly not where the dog has bitten my child. If people choose to get a dog, they need to understand some people won't want to be around them. Your sister sounds awful.

I’d say to mum for now we will see you separately and say to sis we could meet at park or go for a walk so dog can get use to kids and vice versa

I said not unreasonable because you have offered numerous options and none of them had been seen as acceptable. Your sister is bullying your son for having emotions and noone is respecting your boundaries. My dog was so nibbly when little and yes those teeth are sharp. The dog needs training and for everyone to be safe in the meantime. And as for dragging a baby/ pulling a babygrow around that's just crazy. They sound very hard work to be seeing every weekend

I totally see your point it is very valid but i clicked YABU as surley your sister could bring a little puppy pen so it does not have free run ALL the time
or similarly could you bring a little play pen now and again? X

Firstly, I agree with everyone else and your family are all being totally unreasonable.you do seem to have a close family and I can see you value that. I’d say it were a good thing if only they hadn’t proved it’s maybe not entirely healthy with this weird attitude towards the dog vs the children. But anyway…

Could you (being the bigger person), forget Sundays and invite your parents to yours on Saturdays instead? Your sister obviously invited too as long as sans dog. It’s nice being cooked for but not worth all this stress and it shows you are willing to put in as much effort as it takes to allow grandparents to see the kids. Parents are then still free to host your sister on a Saturday and maybe once they’ve trained the dog (🤞)you could go solo and bring the kids next time if you are happy with its behaviour. I’d suggest a lighter (simpler!!) meal would be a good choice given your parents appetite for a roast the following day.

sister is an irresponsible dog owner and a bad aunt

GPs are being unreasonable too

not a chance would I be willing to hang out with a puppy that was pooping, seeing, jumping up and biting and that’s before you even consider the risk to the children.

We’ve fostered countess puppies alongside our children from when our children were toddlers. Yes puppies can nip however a pup with no boundaries, especially an intelligent and hyper one will grow up to be a nightmare dog…
You are doing absolutely the right thing, I would have also suggested alternate weekends like you have and I would stick to it, another option is for you to host the roast and you can say the puppy can come but in your house it will be put in a puppy pen with appropriate toys etc.
Im a massive dog lover and have always had dogs, I can hand on heart say not one of the 40 odd dogs I’ve had come through my home have made any of my children bleed due to the rules and boundaries we put in place for safe interactions.

Yet another untrained dog, getting underfoot, jumping up at people, biting . . . I hoped that after the lockdown dog wave, people would start to train their dogs again but nope. It's not fashionable to and it takes time and trouble. You might suggest to your sister that the dog will be happier if trained to come back when it's called and not jump up at people. I live in an area where loads of people have dogs and actually feel sorry for the ones that are permanently hanging off the end of a lead or being yanked back or trodden on because they simply haven't been trained to walk beside their owners.

@carnivalqueenthethird I am a grandparent and i can not get my head around your mother’s attitude.

I would state simply to her that you will not be going if the dog is there end of.

I think eventually she will realise what the cost of indulging your sister will be to her, and come to her senses.

either way you must prioritise your children.

Sorted.

Next time your mum complains about not seeing her grandchildren, suggest you go to fortnightly alternating until the dog is "old enough" (which you keep unspecified). If she says no then she is the one picking dog over grandchildren.

There are baby room divider things that span much wider gaps than a doorframe, but whether they are cockerpoo-proof I don't know.

This is so tricky. I guess in time the dog will calm down and hopefully be more well trained. I have a dog and two children (much older) so I do get it…. Essentially though, you have to prioritise your own very young children over everyone else. If that causes upset, so be it.

Stay home and make your own traditions. There is zero chance that I'd be going. Your mother can see your children at a time and place where they don't risk being hurt.

“telling me that she doesn’t care if her nephew is now scared and I can’t put my baby on the floor to play because her dog is more important.”

This would be the point at which I told my DM that I would not be coming to the house with DSis any more, when her dog has bitten one of my DC and drawn blood, and created a situation where I can’t put my baby in the floor to play because of the dog. (I wouldn’t be too keen putting anything on a floor where a dog might have peed and pooped.) OP, your first priority HAS to be your DC - if you don’t stick up for their best interests, who else will? Your DSis is being v unreasonable, but if your Dm can’t see you without DSis and her dog being present, then it’s DM who is going to lose out over seeing her DGC.

When I was younger, rescues didn't allow their dogs out until the youngest child in the family was at least 5. Few reasons for that - but mainly to stop the chances of a child getting hurt and the child's understanding of how to approach and be with animals.

At the end of the day a biting, which is a totally normal stage of puppy behaviour (as well as pee and poop) and young children just do not mix. If your sister has no time to train this dog now, while it's a puppy then I fear it may be a long long while before you're going to be comfortable having your children around. With very good reason.

I say that as someone who loves dogs and was brought up with dogs because mum loved em but even my dog mad mum knew that you could never 100% trust an animal and was foolish to think that way.

Stay at home with your own family. You literally have one-day weekends by staying there for 6 hours every week. Does your husband want to go there every Sunday ? If the puppy is there for that long they should bring its crate.

Yanbu.
Your mother was silly to agree to that.
I certainly wouldn't be going.

Yes, so that’s why she shouldn’t go there while the dog is there. So you agree with the OP?

Sorry, it bit your child badly enough to puncture his finger?

There is NO debate here. That dog either needs trained beyond all recognition or your children never go anywhere near it.

My sister-in-law and brother-in-law got a puppy and tried training it, but gave up about 10 weeks in. He is an absolute nightmare and I would not trust him anywhere near a child or baby.

What breed is the puppy? If it's small enough it could go in a play pen to give the kids a break. Set pen up next to where everyone is. You can get soft pens which fold up or metal panels. Put pup in with favourite toys, bed, water and food.