To stop visiting if my sister brings her dog

Let them figure out a solution. This isn't on you to solve.

She’s protecting her children when no one else seems to care. Mumsnet should be renamed dogsmumsnet given the way people are defending the dog and its enablers here. The children are the only ones who matter and it’s not up to OP to make this work. These people should be supporting her with the ages of her children. Sometimes I think the world has gone mad..

OP isn't being unreasonable at all. Her child has been bitten and is now terrified of the dog. OP has suggested that she and her sister visit their parents on alternate weekends but OP's mum still got upset and said that OP was keeping their grandchildren from her and that her sister would be upset about not seeing her nephews.

Any practical suggestions to keep her children safe from this untrained dog are rejected by her sister and her parents.

Obviously, she needs to put her children first.

If they won’t leave the dog behind and won’t use a crate would they consider keeping it on a lead around the children? Or will they really not compromise at all? I think if they won’t budge you just have to stop going and calmly explain why every time they moan. Explain you have asked for compromises but you will not put your children in a position where they feel scared.

Your sister is clearly completely unreasonable, but there doesn't seem to be much you can do about it.

Putting your children's safety first is not something you need apologise for.

I’ve not read through all the comments yet (so apologies if anyone else has already suggested this), but my own solution to keeping young grandchildren and my own pet dog separate is to have a stair gate between the living room and the adjoining kitchen area. Which ever side of the gate the children are on the dog is always on the other. And because the door itself is open, it doesn’t feel ‘locked out’.
Whilst my dog is perfectly house trained, he is definitely nervous of little kids who can be unpredictable and noisy. So this is more from a safety point of view - he’s never bitten before but I just want to mitigate that small risk.

I mean I haven’t seen what age the dog is. But there’s a huge difference between biting and enthusiastically mouthed, nicked a child whilst being silly.

It sounds like it just needs to be trained/ socialised and kept separate when the baby is in the floor. A puppy pen would be appropriate

I really agree, solutions are given but the comments made by op have excuses and focus on negative attributes of the sister.

I don't think op wants solutions, just validation from strangers online.

By the way, when you talk about your sister, you sound awful. You sound as though you don’t even want to make it work /see her and you want her to learn a lesson. Borderline condescending- ‘I know best, you’re immature etc’.
Might this be clouding your judgement

The dog apologists on this thread are off the scale. This isn’t a hypothetical risk, the dog bit your child. There is not a chance my child would be exposed to that for a second time, let alone a baby.

Hold your boundary, protect your children. It’s clear your sister and parents don’t love your kids enough to protect them.

I’d personally take it as an opportunity to free up some more family time. You and your sister committing a day every weekend for the same meal in the same place with the same people seems excessive. Do your partners actually want to go to their in-laws every weekend?

Anyway, sister needs to get the dog under control. People who don’t train their dogs and expect everyone else to adore the dog as much as they do are arseholes.

Didn’t mean the OP should be taking these steps - but if the crate is a no go then DSIS / Partner could be doing this instead

I think you’re both being unreasonable. You just need to keep the dog semi separate.

The dog needs to be socialised and get used to the children, but removed if its jumping up and misbehaving. I got one of my dogs when my daughter was 7 months old. It was great for both of them - dog is now bomb proof with kids and kids love dogs.
if it’s a puppy it won’t be able to maintain being excited too long anyway- it will need a sleep after a while. Crate is a great idea

Yes. Agree. We got a little pen after she chewed an electric wire while I was on a Zoom call 🤦🏽‍♀️ now she takes herself in as it’s where all the good stuff is.

another idea might be some long lasting chews / interactive dog puzzles. Then it’s in the pen, in the same room with something to do. And it’ll hopefully just nap

Dog people never fail to baffle me. We have had this with family members as well. They bought the thing that is causing the problem and changing a dynamic so THEY should be the ones to flex/compromise/miss out.

A puppy is not a child, it’s a pita.

I love dogs but this is wild. I’d have had the puppy in its crate if it was mine. Often when we have little kids round the puppy takes herself off to her crate because she’s tired out from toddler play! Plus puppies sleep most of the day so would need naps anyway if it’s there a few hours.

Honestly, I'd be so pissed off with your parents, particularly your mum. She is willing to put her precious grandchildren at risk in order to pander to your sister yet will fall out with you if you stop going for Sunday lunch.

You have no options that will keep your children safe from your sister's dog without upsetting your mum or your sister. Obviously, your children come first so they will have to suck it up and deal with the consequences of their own actions.

You need to get angry yourself when you mum tries to guilt trip you.

Of course YANBU. Children come before dogs. I’m amazed your mother is happy to have an untrained dog peeing and pooing all over her house tbh… You and your sister will have to alternate weekends until the dog is fully trained. I wouldn’t have returned after it bit my child.

This might been suggested only read OP replies. I know your sister is against a create but what about a playpen for the dog. Could have puppy pads in and it’s still with everyone, and your children are safe from the land shark

yanbu at all, I have a fear of dogs and it really does affect days out etc and can be very embarrassing at times

Just visit your parents at a different time when they won't be there. Dog issues aside, it sounds like you don't like your sister anyway.

These panels, used as a room divider to section off a bit of space to keep the puppy in, big enough for those who want to be with the puppy to be in ther too, could work. As a short term solution. Much more palatable to the dog (and clingy owners) than it being in a crate or shut in another room.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/HOMIDEC-Exercise-Portable-Foldable-Enclosures/dp/B0BNB3LD6K/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?crid=PCZ5RG3WXJOR&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.7U25Y40rQqiG61yzunakMFU-w5iHRh3ROEOFka79joebOMpWP0TSzaJAa7cRisMQdBph9eMHrIbWzCGUQXyJdoHEvD68yllkMStDiqPNMxu9G6lKieOqNfE8lee5zW9tIoA7gs1btnLERHeoldpzossfCKdG1bUrMm-1Mg4P8IrWSrIv9xiwiM7kmOSezpWP19AGYX3xjQwhz0OvLSyOEQ.Dm6SfgLqBgMlHyS1PP_Tc1NV-LztlpOdoYeW9K4Y_4k&dib_tag=se&keywords=room+divider+dog&qid=1769410055&sprefix=room+divider+dog%2Caps%2C241&sr=8-3

I also keep my dog on a long lead indoors around children- perhaps your sister should consider the same if crating isn’t an option?

My dog only met children over 10 before she was toilet trained- she prefers adult company.

Some years later.. I have a six month old niece visiting my parents. My parents use their room for tummy time, sitting and playing etc and my dog (aged 3.5; Cavapoo) is not allowed in there when the baby is there. She stays on her dog bed and the baby eats in a high chair at meal times. One adult is always supervising the dog.

My parents are Asian and like to entertain weekend lunch guests a lot/host relatives for weeks on end. They make sure that any children have had the ‘new dog talk’ but sometimes the talk goes in one ear and out of the other. One eejit pretended to be a dog and got himself nipped.

I have previously got sitters/dropped my dog to a friend’s house if multiple children are over; she gets overwhelmed by any under 8 who thinks she is Waffle’s sister (CBeebies) and spends her time hiding in her crate refusing to interact with them.