To stop visiting if my sister brings her dog

The children and the dog are not equal here and it’s not her dog. While her sister seems a bit of a handful her approach is primarily about protecting her children not annoying her sister. The very young children’s happiness never mind their safety takes absolute precedence here over everything else, particularly the dog, in a sane universe not the one where dogs seem to be our overlords. She has suggested a load of compromises which have been rejected and she’s now perfectly correct to simply refuse to visit while the dogs there. Stay strong OP you have been far too accommodating.

I was bitten by a dog on the street last week - owner wasn’t paying attention. If I hadn’t had the wit and strength to react quickly, it would have been very nasty indeed. A child wouldn’t be able to react like I did.

As it is I‘m in pain and on antibiotics (given as standard with dog/cat/horse bites due to the bacteria in the animals‘ mouths as their teeth puncture your skin.)

As I told a school Dad why I was limping, he told me of a baby on his street who had been attacked by a dog. If his Dr wife hadn’t been home to help, this neighbour‘s baby would have died.

I wouldn’t even consider having children of that age near an out of control dog. Particularly as one has already been bitten.

There‘s maybe a discussion to be had about how OP talks to her family about this - maybe more as now a child has been bitten, how can we ensure it never happens again?

I can never do anything with just my mum. It’s a pain.

That's your mum's choice by the sound of things.

Your last two sentences seem to be the root of the problem to be honest

This is me 100% too, as a result of only weekend visits to a noisy dog as a baby/very young child, not ever bitten though. You need to think of the trauma it will cause your children as those early memories will affect them for life.

Hold your boundary. The dynamic between you and your sister and mother is one where your sister rules, and you are used to falling in line to keep the peace. That’s how you have a situation where, despite your child being bitten and scared, you are the one coming up with solutions while they reject them and call YOU unreasonable!

I think you need to match your sister’s style here, in as much as be inflexible and express your own disappointment in them if you like. Make it a red line. I expect they are only on at you as they expect you to fall in line with what your sister wants as you always do.

tell her this.

Tbh if you are going to have a fall out over your ridiculous sister and her even more ridiculous dog, and your mum's batshit attitude - might as well go for it.

Talk about how great it would be to go to the garden show. REALLY lay it on about how it would be great for her birthday. And then say "but you're getting a voucher for a garden centre because of you and sister being fuckers about me never getting time with you alone" and then see how it goes (language appropriate to your relationship)

This.
Alternate weekends,

but I know if I book the tickets a fight will ensue because sister wasn’t invited,

Honestly if your mum would be pissed off that your sister wasn't invited I'd be pulling right back.

Can't help thinking that if your sister has kids yours will be pushed aside.

YABU.
I’m sure the existence of your toddler and baby have inconvenienced your family at stages. With noise, getting into stuff, just being kids.
It is now the same for the puppy, which is a baby dog. You just make it work both with kids and the dog because all are part of the family.
Teach your pre-schooler to be good with animals and get a playpen for your baby if you don’t want to hold the baby for the whole visit.
It is now your turn to adapt to other people’s circumstances, the world doesn’t revolve around you and your children.

Poor dog. Sounds like it will end up very unhappy or being rehomed.

DP and DSis are being utterly unreasonable. They are not allowing any options where your child and baby are not terrorised by an untrained puppy.
For the sake of your kids you MUST stand firm.
I can partially understand DSis because in her eyes her 'baby' can do no wrong. But your DP should be able to take a more balanced view and understand your extremely fair arguments for you or the dog staying away - and should support you.

True but she’s under no obligation to accept those rules.

And this is why everyone should stick to cats 😻😹

Sorry if I've missed it somewhere OP but could you start hosting your parents every other weekend instead of going to them?

Oh my gosh you are soo not being unreasonable! The dog has proven that it cannot be trusted around your children, and your family have shown that they care more about the dog more than your children’s safety. If the dog is not trained it’s also really unhygienic for the kids to be around it.
I for one was viciously bitten by a dog that “never bites“ and is “so friendly” when I was younger…🙄 it seems some people forget that dogs are animals - not humans.
the dog should be in a crate while your children are there, to maintain their safety and give you and your family peace of mind. If they cannot do that, suggest meeting somewhere else where the dog is not invited - like your home or a restaurant.

Well they can't complain they're not bringing the grandkids over then?

Sometimes it takes having children of your own to realise fully and acknowledge truthfully, just how toxic your family of birth are.

Your family are toxic.
It is not normal to put an animal ahead of the safety of children.

For your childrens sake, step back from them.
I certainly wouldn't dream of trusting my children to people with such flawed judgement and basic intelligence.

Your mum will just have to be disappointed won’t she?

It is insane that you can’t spend time with your mum without sister there. If you bought tickets for Chelsea FS for the two of you, and sister kicked off, what would happen? Would your mother refuse to go?

Sounds like you are being reasonable and have offered lots of suggestions, whereas your sister hasnt.
She isn't unreasonable to want to bring the puppy, but from what you've said (not toilet trained, not crate trained, never left), she is in for a whole heap of trouble later on!
Id invite your mum to yours on a Saturday and then your sister still has the sunday to go there.. Be clear this is something youre happy to revisit once puppy is over it's landshark days!

Your sister is clearly doing a power play here in an attempt to maintain control over your parents.

I suspect there's a level of jealousy towards you about how much attention your kids are getting from their grandparents. Subconsciously her solution is to get a dog and try to put it on the same footing as grandchildren and force her parents into openly choosing her so in her mind the power and control is restored.

Unfortunately your parents are being silly and short sighted and can't see they are being played.

Stand firm, protect your children and try to assert healthier dynamics in your family. It won't be easy because you'll be seen as the trouble maker for forcing change, but it will be good for your children and the next generation going forward.

Have the courage to break the cycle. Good luck.

As someone who was terrified of dogs as a child (and still feels very, very uneasy around them as an adult) you are not being unreasonable. Repeated exposure to well trained dogs will help your children but repeated exposure to untrained dogs will only enable their fear to grow.

Thats an unkind comment . So she keeps going there and let's her children be bitten by the dog ? Errr , I don't think so .
She is not being unreasonable to ask that the dog is kept away from her kids or not to be told by her mum that she is keeping her gc away from her by not continuing to show up .
Op , I would go on another day when your sister isn't there .

But how is OP unreasonable when her Sister and mother refuse to implement any way to facilitate this magical “semi separate” solution? She asked about a crate. They refuse. The house is open plan. OP has explained this repeatedly already. Her DSis expects the puppy to have full run of the house and won’t accept a compromise.

If OP would compromise but her DSis will not how is OP in any way unreasonable for keeping her children safe from a biting dog?

Dog bites can be very dangerous and are taken seriously for their infection risk.

YANBU

YANBU.

If they won't consider extremely reasonable solutions like a play pen or crate for the puppy, then they're setting the poor thing up to fail anyway. Puppies need downtime and naps and somewhere to retreat to from excitable children, as much as children need to be able to play on the floor without being bitten or crawling on carpet that's been wee-ed or poo-ed on.