To stop visiting if my sister brings her dog

Agree with you. Sister should bring a suitable crate with her for puppy to go in for naps, with toys, water (attached to crate so can't knock it over or drown in it) and a puppy pad. No wonder it's hyper if left to run around all day with two small DC.

Just thinking is there a way to get a baby gate fitted in your mums house to partition off part of the downstairs for the dog

This. Ask your dm if she thinks this is acceptable!

She said today she can’t wait for the puppy to pull my babies sleepsuit and try to drag him along the floor

This is deeply fucked up. Your baby isn’t a bloody dog toy or Instagram prop.

Keep them separate - your sister needs a dose of reality.

Puppies have teeth like needles and this is still a very young pup so hasn't learned any manners yet. He's going to be a bundle of uncontrolled energy for a while so you're going to need a solution.

If your sister won't put the pup in a playpen and your parents won't contain the pup at all then nobody can ever relax. I vote for alternate weekends. I can understand your sister not wanting to leave the pup (it is still a very little baby) and you OBVIOUSLY can't leave your children, so I think you might just have to agree to visit separately until such time as dog is better behaved.

After this update I wouldn’t go full stop and I would be open and honest about how disappointed I was about my parents prioritising dog over their grandchildren. I would complain to all relatives and friends who would listen.
Please don’t keep silence about it - be open and honest about how you feel about this treatment of you and your children. Your parents and your sister both need a bit of harsh reality.

I'm one of those people who never leaves their dog alone, as he's got very bad separation anxiety. But we tagteam looking after him, so family aren't involved in his care.

Your Dsis is bonkers to even contemplate that the baby can be dragged along by the dog. Unsafe in the extreme.

I think you really need to hold your nerve here. Dog is getting neglected, parents are not helping you, sister sounds batshit.

It's an unsafe situation and a major accident waiting to happen.

You tell your sister and mum that you understand the puppy can't be left alone neither your kids therefore you won't be attending to to take the risk of any hassle with your kids because of an un trained puppy. That is all.

"My parents have a big garden so they are using the garden at the weekend as a way of getting out of taking it for a walk."

Could the dog go in the garden when you visit?
Though still think alternate weekends would be good. Don't you ever need time to do something different?

"... you have to understand that (to your sister) this puppy is her child..."

No it isn't and the OP doesn't have to understand it.

"... and build a friendship with his new (furry little) cousin..."

It's a dog. It's nobody's cousin.

People like you anthropormorphising dogs are a cause of the problem.

I would be fuming if my sister said that to me - she never would. Wow!

No but they are her children and she doesn’t need to take them to an environment she doesn’t wish too .

This isn't in question. The home owners set the rules, but it's for visitors to decide whether they want to be there under those conditions or not.

The dog has already bitten a child. OP, of course YANBU.

Oh my god - I would so mad at my sister if she was this extreme about looking after her dog but was absolutely fine with her dog biting my actual baby or toddler. I like dogs a lot but human babies/children have got to be higher up in the pecking order for protection FFS.

the thing is, OP has all the cards here, surely? if the doting grandparents (and where is OPs dad in all this? is he just passive?) want to see her children, they need to bend a bit. Or they just don't see them.

Who would blink first?

Nah. It's not a matter of "inconvenience", it's a matter of protecting a baby and small child from a dangerous animal.

Don't visit if the dog's there and don't listen to the dog fanatics on Mumsnet.

I’d be sorely tempted to try and address the real problem here with your mum prioritising your sister, as as it sounds like the dog will be just the tip of the iceberg in terms of similar issues coming up down the line.

For an easier route, could you ask your sister to compromise with a lead attached to something (the table?) in the open plan house? The dog would have free rein around, say, one end of the table, and your kids would be free to avoid or interact within the dog zone if they chose. It wouldn’t solve the problem entirely but at least there would be limits (provided your sister didn’t “accidentally” let the lead go long or similar).

Stay home on the weekends, your parents can visit you instead? I wouldn’t risk a badly behaved dog around my kids either.

FGS children and dogs are not equal. It’s not up to OP to adapt. She is a mum of two very young children any adapting should be by her mum and sister. The world should revolve round the mum and children not the DOG.

Your sister and mother are being unreasonable in not having a pen or crate for the puppy to have down time. Puppies are like babies in that they need routine and regular nap times. When they are tired they become more manic and bitey. They need a nap every couple of hours. Also need taking outside for toileting at least every hour unless asleep. At the moment they are failing to meet the dogs needs and the needs of your children. YANBU

They like clearing up after the dog??

I hate people that don't train dogs. It's cruel

I’ve lived this family dynamic. Nothing will change if you keep accepting it. You’re having relationships by committee. It’s hard and painful - but it sounds like your life is completely dictated by other people. You don’t need their permission to do what you know is right. If they don’t agree and have a meltdown, so what? You don’t have to pacify them.
By capitulating, you’re just delaying the inevitable.
Keep it low energy, say as little as possible, don’t attempt to persuade them, don’t engage in their tantrums and manipulation. Grey rock until they run out of steam. They aren’t being reasonable therefore it’s a waste of energy to wait for them to be reasonable. They will come round - and if they don’t, this outcome was always on rails until you hit an issue you wouldn’t be bullied into agreeing to.
Lots of love to you. X

Your sister is giving me the absolute rage 😡
I would want to slap her and your mum wouldn’t be far behind for enabling her.
Stick to your guns OP
Every other weekend or a different day but never when the dog is there.
I am the biggest dog lover and feel sorry that this pup is being set up to fail.

I’m sure the existence of your toddler and baby have inconvenienced your family at stages.

and yet, @Pancakeorcrepe i'll take a punt at saying they don't piss and shit on the floor and bite people hard enough to draw blood.