To stop visiting if my sister brings her dog

What happened this Sunday @carnivalqueenthethird ? Did you manage to work out a compromise? Hope so!

A cockapoo is a mongrel not a designer dog 🤣🤣

I would visit parents when the dog doesn't

The four year old is very scared of the dog now though so unless the sister can agree to keep the dog well away from him (and I don't think she will as she won't restrain it) I can't see this working.

This x

Maybe you should start throwing hissy fits too. Why oh why are our lives run by the 'sensitive' manipulators. Put you foot down, not coming whilst the dog is there. End of - don't like it - tough.

Similar situation in my family and a toddler ended up getting bitten in the face. They have a permanent scar. Dogs and toddlers don’t mix. You’ve got no choice but to put your children first.

I disagree. It was a solution, and ideally only a temporary one, for her eldest to still have grandad time, despite lunacy from mum and sister. It may have helped put the message across. Families can do things apart at times.

It may not be anything the OP is willing to do though….

Have you got any actual stats or empirical data to back up this "very few adults" nonsense? Or is it based on "I don't and haven't specifically heard the 0.0001% of the world's population I interact with on a regular basis mention it so can assume I'm correct because it's physically impossible for anyone to live a slightly different life to me?"

Lots of different cultures live in 3 or even 4 generation homes, for example. Just because you don't see your parents more often (neither do I, before you think I'm personally offended) doesn't mean there's anything wrong with people who do.

Op has said several times that (other than this issue) she, her dh and her ds all love the Sunday routine, why should she change it just because some random on the Internet things being close with your family is "unhealthy"?

I was thinking about you this morning OP, I'm still so angry on your behalf! I would aim to have one one to one conversation with each of your mum, sister and dad about this where you make your position crystal clear, and then leave them to decide what to do.

Maybe tell your sister that her imaginary "adorable" video of her dog dragging your baby around by its clothes is never, ever, ever going to happen. You will be keeping your kids away from her dog until it's trained or is physically separated from the kids in a crate or similar. It's up to her what she does about that, but you will not be compromising.

People don't usually need vaccinations from a baby biting them though! Hundreds of people aren't killed from baby bites every year. So it's hardly the same.

If you read ops updates you'll see she's tried suggesting a cage or similar for the puppy but it's been rejected.

Yanbu at all op. They have so many options - most sensible would just be to train their bloody dog but if not alternating weekends to visit your parents, or dsis or her dh alternating who comes/who stays with dog, putting him in a cage/kennel/garden shed for a few hours and going out to fuss him are all options. They're refusing to be sensible or compromise at all so it's on you to protect your kids.

Your sister is bonkers and totally out of order. In which case, you have to risk her tantrums (and your parents’ favouritism) and set your boundaries ie you won’t take the kids if the dog is at your parents and/or invite them to yours, making clear the dog cannot come. They’ll soon get the message.

@carnivalqueenthethird I have a similar dynamic in my family. I'm expected to fit in with whatever my siblings want. When we had dc, my parents had lots of strict rules when we had to live there for a bit, but when my ds did the same, their dc ruled the roost and we all had to bow to them... eg, no noise after 6pm. No tv, all phones on silent, no house calls, etc.

It's frustrating, but it won't change. The best thing you can do is stick to your guns. YANBU.

When I asked my dp to put my dc 1st in a similar situation, they refused as they would rather upset me than my ds as I was always the softer one.
I've had to pull back over the years for my sake.

This is conditional love. We will love you if you dance to our tune. If you don’t we won’t love you.

Good idea. I'm sure the dog only starts misbehaving and biting OP's children after they have been there for two hours. Before the two hour deadline, this untrained and unsupervised puppy will be perfectly behaved and safe to be around a baby and a four year old.

Absolutely not - why should she have to separate her family? At this point any action like that on her part is conceding to the sister’s madness and saying it’s acceptable behaviour.

😢 I’m sure you have considered this, but could either just you or your hubby take older child for a few hours so he can have some grandad time? Parent on dog guard duty while they play? Probably not very practical, and not for long term, but.. 🤷‍♀️

It is maybe more unusual but it’s lovely that you have had that family core unit, lovely for the bond between the kids and grandparents.

Until mum and princess spoil it that is…. Such a shame… 😕

This.

You have a sister, and mum, problem. Time for the boundaries. Grey rock style if need be.

This!!

Some crazy responses on here! Do
so many people really see a dog as equal to a child 🤨
OP I’d be really offended if my child was bitten & nobody seemed concerned.

I'd say the vileness which you describe cant compete with her enjoyment of getting her own way & being the boss of everything!

How can your mother put up with the dog going to the bathroom all over her house? Not very appetizing when serving dinner and so unsanitary. There are a lot of good suggestions from people here but it looks like nobody wants to compromise.

I have a dog, a very calm but food crazy Labrador who would never intentionally harm a child but also isn't above stealing from their plate or stepping on them by accident. She is used my son who has ASD and ADHD and is honestly amazing with kids if they aren't holding food. She won't steal food from my children unless they leave their plate and move away, however will pinch from my 3yo nephew if she thinks no one is watching. We go to family gatherings and if she won't stop mooching or staring at his plate she goes outside or I take her away and entertain her. For a while until nephew is finished eating. I also watch her like a hawk because I know what's she's like and that's just over her pinching a sandwich not biting! I wouldnt take her if I thought there was a risk to any child she might be near or even if any of the family wasn't comfortable with her being there. I'm astounded at your sister's behaviour, I do hope you not going for a while will make your parents actually address her attitude as it's insane that they are indulging her

I always took our dogs crate to any family activities and they were happy to stay in there away from all the kids. When they were out after the meal they were always on the lead. This was despite them never ever having even growled at anyone in their 15 years. They loved cuddles and if someone wanted to nurse them they could. The only issue was that the kids would torture their parents to get a dog after playing with our two. However I always start with the premise that not everyone likes dogs.

My SIL's dog was a bit of a PITA when it was young. Now it's an adult dog it's brilliant and he plays with my kids for hours. Whilst he was young we didnt go to MIL's when the dog was there as the house is very small and there was no space the dog wasnt bounding around. No problem or drama, once it calmed down the situation was manageable.

But the real issue seems to be the unhealthy dynamic in your family which is obviously mkre difficult to resolve.....

As an aside I find poodle crosses often grumpy/nippy