To wish I didn’t work

Why can't you work FT? Then you will feel more 'part of things' and have more money. And on a teacher's salary plus whatever your DH does you will be able to to afford the childcare

I think you’re getting a rough time OP. Unless someone has been a teacher, I don’t think they get it. I was a teacher, but now a SAHM; I have lots of friends juggling teaching and parenting and it is really hard.

I’m more comfortable when I’m working and am not the type of mum like getting nostalgic over time when my DD was a newborn or small toddler. I have a SEN child who is the world however reality is no family support and paid daycare only. It was hard handling those early years mainly alone (DH worked full-time and helped but it really fell on my as the mum to give so much up).

I opted to return to work full-time earlier than I planned. Just worked for me personally and my DH was supportive whether I wanted to continue part-time or not.

I like the balance of full-time work and then spending time as a family outside of that. I’m not fulfilled by my job in a deep way but I have flexible working arrangements which is the best part of it.

For time off to enjoy that experience of having a day to myself, I book annual leave or take a half-day.

@Iwishididntwork if you have never had a more fulfilling job how do you actually know this ? Look for something else. I think colleagues make all the difference not even the actual job itself sometimes. If you have colleagues you get along well with it makes all the difference

What’s your point though ? I suppose maybe you should look at a more fulfilling job if you want to while the hours away at the gym or preparing dinners .

A few things stood out for me from your posts-
You don't like your job
You find parenting your toddler 'joyless'
You have to ask your DH for money
You are still breastfeeding a 2.5 yr old at 3am and are exhausted (sorry if I got this wrong)

Job- could you retrain at all? Is there anything you might be interested in? Could be a long term plan? Maybe a few sessions with a coach would be helpful.

Joyless parenting- could you be depressed? Have seasonal affective disorder? Would a visit to the GP be a good idea? Or it could just be that you don't enjoy this stage- that is allowed! But what could you do to help pass the time? More baby groups? Gym with a creche? Cheap local playgroup to stick toddler for 2 hrs?

Asking DH for money- what's with that?? Do you have a joint account? Enough money to get a coffee out with friends? Is he financially abusive? It's not uncommon.

Breastfeeding the toddler- also allowed! But you are also allowed to night wean at this age if night feeds are making you tired and miserable (or stop if you want to). There are lots of different night-weaning methods to suit every parenting style. Lack of sleep and constant night wakings can be soul destroying.

Yeh sorry but YABU . Only working 2 days a week ? Fgs. I’m on mat leave with my second and while I’m enjoying it I’m looking forward to getting back to work 4 days a week. I like being independent and chatting with other adults and having a life aside from being a mother. I don’t expect other people to fork out for my lifestyle , it was my decision to have kids and as far as I’m concerned it’s mine and my husbands job to fork out for them both not anyone elses. Like what do you actually want ? To just not work and get stuff handed to you because you decided to be a parent ? Sorry if that sounds harsh.

I also have that fantasy ! I picture having time in the middle of the day to go to spas and the gym, get on top of all the unfinished jobs in my life, have coffee with my friends, who obviously also don't work in this fantasy.

I think it's really hard to enjoy any of the aspects of your life when you're completely shattered and have no personal space.

I really love the time I have with my toddler, I work part-time, I am not looking forward to her going to school. I love the pre-school years.

But when I am really tired and struggling I don't enjoy it, and I get upset with myself for not enjoying it. In those moments I don't wish the time away, I wish I had the energy to enjoy it whilst it's still here.

My job is ok. I used to enjoy it when I had more time and energy for it. I'd absolutely love to not need to work, there are a thousand fulfilling things I can think of to do that don't involve work.

I'm off to play the lottery so I can keep dreaming.

I didn't enjoy "every moment with my kids" as a working lone parent. It has been 90% awful for a decade.

You just literally have to hang in there by the skin of your teeth. I accepted it would always be stressful. Good luck with your husband, sounds like he needs to up his game.

Me too. We’re always fantasising about retirement but we’ve got at least 12 years until we can take it early 😢

I worked from age 16 to 59. I had six weeks off for maternity leave.

I wished everyday I didn't have to work. But if I didn't work, I'd have no home, no food and what was worse, neither would my child.

I'm not going to tell you that working like that is good for your moral fibre, because it fucking isnt.

but it pays the bills. When I retired, 15 years ago, my overwhelming feeling was "I've waited all these years to do bugger all" . It's as great as I thought it would be. But at least I got to retire on a good pension which gave me the ability to enjoy doing just what I wanted.

It’s no difference once they’re in school tbh. My whole life is work or parenting. It’s exhausting.

You made my smile. :)

I’d also love to leave my job OP!

I worry that if I took a few years off with DC (we could swing it financially), I’d struggle to get back into a job anywhere near as good as my current one (flexible, part time, low stress, etc etc). Sigh.

ETA: definitely have a chat with your DH about finances - doesn’t sound fair at the moment.

Another lazy one here 🤣 I do 3 days a week and i am so grateful for that but man I wish I could stop working now. I’m dreading the day I will have to go back to full time. I do dislike my job though so that doesn’t help.

Your problem is not your job or your children - its your DH.

It is really tough cracking through these years with work and small children but its near impossible when you are not working as a team. If your DH wants this marriage to survive you need to have that conversation about working together and pooling resources, not him expecting you to be the default SAHM whilst also contributing equally financially. You cannot do that without a full staff at home or him pulling his weight.

This needs addressing now - either he appreciates your home efforts and values them or he doesn’t. Why would you be with someone who doesn’t value you and your contributions?

Bear in mind also your DC are growing up seeing a relationship modelled where one partner bears the bulk of the work and is unhappy as a consequence. Do you want your DD or future DiL to live like this? If not you need to show them something different.

@Iwishididntwork for reference I worked part-time when DS was a baby for 11 months. Three days a week. I had a big job then and found both the losing the edge of strategy and the sheer exhaustion of dropping at nursery, getting the tube, dashing back absolutely awful. I gave up, principally because ds was always sick but it was awful.

When dd was settled in reception I switched careers, going back on the very bottom rung and for peanuts, but the job was school hours and there was no childcare to pay. I did it for two years and have never workwd harder in my life. Dash to school, dash to work, dash home for 2.50 and get the laundry in, hung, dishwasher, tidy, whizz to school for 3.35 then roll into cubs, rainbows, swimming, ballet, tennis, teas, etc. Dinner on the table at 6.30ish, reading, kumon, bed. It's absolutely exhausting to do a good job at work and do everything at home on top. Mind numbingly exhausting and busy.

After two years, I was promoted two grades up but had to go full-time. That meant an au-pair and more sub-contracting. After that was paid for I had exactly the same money left as part-time but two grades lower. Work sponsored my professional qualifications because I was full-time and shifted into that trajectory.

I always took the DC to school but the au-pair collected and did all the after school stuff and gave them tea. I got home to them fed, the laundry done, the dishwasher done and a tidy house. Also, I took a full lunch break a couple of times a week and used it for buying the endless party presents/admin, etc..

there was a two year grind of college on a wednesday night and getting up at 5am to do the course work, but it was worth it

I have just reduced my days to three aged 65 and it's a good balance with grown up children and I am more productive at work because I'm less tired. It didn't work with lottlies and earlier career.

Good luck. However, sort your husband out. You cannot make the same contribution from part-time money. Spreadsheet time and he has to understand that some of the childcare costs are his costs too.

Hey? with the money I make from the businesses. Not sure if that’s a trick question because it’s quite an obvious answer

Totally understand. I wish I didn't have to work. I really don't understand those people who love their job, but guess everyone is different.