Stalking vs harassment- please help

Interesting conversation when he has to explain to his customers why he has to let them go

If it ended up with court order he would have to let those customers go - he has brought any troubles he experiences to his own door.

He's already escalating.
The dude took the time to buy a bunch of books and highlight a bunch of stuff in them. He's batshit mental. The only thing that stops this is strength. Full force. Tell the police to go all in and not pull any punches.

Alternatively, move away and change jobs.

I'm sorry you are experiencing this.

Stalking and Harassment are defined as a course of conduct that is unwanted and causes distress or alarm. The action has to have happened more than once, and a case is strengthened by the victim having asked the stalking/harassing party to stop.

Clearly this man has by any definition crossed the boundary of the definitions, whichever one you choose, by a country mile.

The police should be stepping in, and really a court order needs to be put in place, which if he breaks leads to a penalty.

It is very interesting to read about how we are all a bit wary of telling neighbours. I had the same thing but eventually decided that I needed to because he had a habit of turning up at night and my dog would bark. He also tried to befriend people I knew and minimise their image of him as a "stranger" lurking about my house. We need to be putting the shame firmly back onto these men. Do talk to people who live near you and let them know, that is what community is for. It isn't fearmongering.

I just noticed this bit now..

"The note said that having these items around stopped him from moving on because his feelings for me were growing stronger"

Did the gift include your items he was giving back? If so, there could be a chance that if you don't respond, he might stop. Like, if he thought leaving the gift was a way to give your things back to you and to try again one more time while he was at it... That said, I would go with your own instincts on this, our gut feeling usually has a way of telling us what we need to know! Sorry you're going through this

I have been stalked- his original target was my mum, but after she died he transferred to me. The police say earlier intervention may have stopped him before he got 'fixated' but my mum always just hoped he would stop by himself. It has been terrifying. I urge you to get extra support from one of the relevant charities(if you can get through- phone lines always busy!) eg paladin, support action through the police -and although it's embarrassing going to court.

Please ensure your workplace knows they cannot publish your name/photo etc (used to be called section 10 under the old Data protection Act) - the police will give you a note for your employers if helpful, which you can keep for future employers too.

Exactly that and saying his feelings are growing. Police can help if needed and it escalates with panic alarms, intruder sensors, GPS alarms etc

OP, 3 things that I would find concerning are -

He's already had a visit from the police and that hasn't stopped him

His statement that his feelings for you are growing stronger

That this has continued for quite a long time showing that his propensity for harassing you is persistent.

I think at this stage, I'd be making a formal statement. He's had plenty of warning and yet he persists. If you don't take action now, he's likely to continue.

If you do nothing, he won't see any consequences so will likely escalate. He's ALREADY ignoring the legal implications. You will then still be in the same position as now. Except you haven't progressed as far down the line to prevent it by legal means.

If you do something he may escalate but you have already taken steps to take matters further.

Take option B. It is safer in the long term. In the short term it may seem scarier or more serious. The point is here is rhe issue that you've told him to stop and despite a warning from the police he has continued. This means he WILL continue until you take the nuclear route.

Given that this type of behaviour can become dangerous you need to be taking this really seriously.

Your actions don’t teally affect him, though. He chooses how he responds. Don’t take on this extra burden if trying to game it out. Go to the police snd escalate it legally. He has shown that he won’t stop with just a caution.

What a headcase. Emotionally unavailable throughout the actual relationship and then a stalker when it’s over.
How do some people’s minds work?
Sorry you’re going through this, OP.

Please also check your car for any tracking devices. It does happen.

Congrats on getting your own place also!! It still is your safe place and will feel like that again soon 💪😁

Ya, I was in a similar position. I considered telling my neighbours also. With me, I didn't in the end. I was nearly embarrassed that I was dealing with it at all! Silly I know. It is their behaviour and looking back, I don't even know if they have the capacity to feel bad for the person whos experiencing it. We were/are dealing with someone who is mentally unwell really. Do you have a management agency at your apartment block by any chance? If they have security cameras at the entrance, maybe they could keep an eye out for him. If they have a security guard/alarm business who monitors the camera, even better. You could tell them and they might respond if he calls!

pursue the police report. At least that gets it on record. If he’s laid low for a while and now is back to see what happens, he’s not going to go away easily.

think about it:

you broke up
he showed behaviour so worrying you went to the police
the police agreed and warned him off
he kept your stuff for all that time rather than throw it out and move on
he laid low for what he considered “long enough”
now he’s back and plain as day he’s obsessing over you
you’re worried enough to have been back to the police

you’re not dealing with someone you can reason with, you have to be self defensive.

Agree with all other posts. If you don't have a doorbell camera, get one. At least this way you can see and record whenever he is around. You can get non-subscription ones that record onto a memory card so you don't have monthly charges. I'd also get one for the car. Evidence is key.

He has already escalated from messages to leaving the box for you. He won’t stop. Stalking is Fixated, obsessive, unwanted, repeated which this is.

Please do a statement and do what you can to safeguard yourself.

It's great that you live in a flat and have neighbors. I wouldn't be slow to move either if you need to and are in a position to. If you aren't long renting there and his behaviour is still continuing it might be worth it. That said, I didn't move in my case, I stayed put. It worked out fine... eventually (4 years!!). It became less frequent over time though

What @Eifla2o18 said. It will not resolve itself. The police initially spoke to him to give him a harassment warning. That means if he makes further contact it’s easier to show he knew he shouldn’t and easier to prosecute. Everything has been set up for the next step which is to give a witness statement. If you don’t pursue this it will escalate and without wishing to alarm you men like this can end up doing really deranged things. Wising it away will not stop it. You have no choice but to pursue it. I have also, sadly, due to my work been stalked and threatened. It went on for months by someone mentally unwell. It took two prosecutions a prison sentence and a mental health order to resolve it. Nip it in the bud now. I at sorry you’re going through this but if you don’t support a prosecution there is little hope he will end this of his own accord. A civil non-molestation order is not as effective in my view as an arrest and police contract for him which should scare him.

Yes, I was terrified of that also. That it would make things worse. I can't be totally sure if all the stalkers behave the same but I'm my case he didn't retaliate after getting him arrested. In fact he continued with his behaviour after getting arrested, like nothing had changed. It's like he couldn't stop. It was hard at the time but I kept ringing the guards every time and eventually the message got through to him. I know it's scary but you do have to act in these cases unfortunately. It doesn't stop otherwise