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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not understand why this is an issue

130 replies

lunx · 25/01/2026 10:00

A group of friends are going on a hen do in a few months and the person who has arranged it has found a hotel for £75 a person per night. Someone in the group suggested an apartment as an alternative option as it works out cheaper per person per night at £35 each. But this idea was dismissed. Anyway the person who suggested the apartment asked a few of us what we wanted and several preferred the cheaper option. Especially taking into consideration the cost of travel, night out, new outfit and activities during the day. Now the person who wanted to stay in the £75 a night hotel and others who also wanted to stay there have gone mad at the others who wanted a cheaper alternative. Saying it’s selfish of them because now the others will have to pay more for the hotel and we should all be staying at the same accommodation even though the two accommodations are a short walking walking distance away. I personally don’t see an issue with this as we are still travelling together and spending the day/night together. We are just not sleeping in the same accommodation. Now it’s so awkward in the group. I just don’t understand the issue. Just wanted other’s opinions?

OP posts:
Vaxtable · 25/01/2026 10:41

I just think it’s ridiculous to expect people to pay so much to share a room, the should have taken note of the comments of those wanting and finding cheaper

i woukd still go with the cheaper option or not go

PopcornKitten · 25/01/2026 10:40

The reason for the expensive hotel is ridiculous. The jacuzzi bath will hardly get used especially if it’s in the same room as the toilet.
the poster that said about starting a poll. I’d suggest this to the planner.

Original poster
lunx · 25/01/2026 10:38

@Odiebaywhen the group chat was started this was what was discussed but the person arranging it went with what they wanted, the hotel. The group in itself has so many different personalities so we would never all agree on accommodation so feel like this is the best option as we will still all be together with the bride to be for the majority of the time away.

OP posts:
PGmicstand · 25/01/2026 10:34

WhoDecidedImAnAdultImNotQualified · 25/01/2026 10:04

I can see why the organiser is pissed off.

She made the arrangements and got the prices based on everyone being in the same place.

It also splits the party into two and does change the dynamics of the event.

Imo you go and pay for what's organised or don't go at all, you don't agree then start changing things for half of the party.

I agree with you up to a point BUT the organiser should have looked at a range of accommodations and agreed that with everyone based on budget, not convenience.
If moving the location saved me £40 per night, that would make a massive difference.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 25/01/2026 10:34

Ifailed · 25/01/2026 10:32

4 people sharing a room with presumably one bathroom with toilet? No thank-you!

I double they’ll have their own rooms and more than one toilet between 4 in the shared accommodation either.

Bjorkdidit · 25/01/2026 10:33

lunx · 25/01/2026 10:26

@Laistebecause the hotel has a jacuzzi bathtub. But there’s four people per room. So we wouldn’t really get chance to utilise this because we are not there to ‘relax’. We are going to a really fast paced city so will hardly even be at the hotel and only going for a night.

What are they going to do, take turns? If the accommodation is only really to sleep are they really going to be spending enough time in the room for four people to have a relaxing soak in a jacuzzi bathtub?

ToKittyornottoKitty · 25/01/2026 10:33

Were is the bride staying? Did she get the option of the cheaper place? Or if you are all paying for her, are the budget people still willing to pay for her in the hotel?

I think organiser should have listened more to people’s budgets, but it absolutely changed the dynamic having a group break off and make their own plan instead. Especially now people are falling out about it, this is going to be a bit shit for the bride.

Ifailed · 25/01/2026 10:32

4 people sharing a room with presumably one bathroom with toilet? No thank-you!

RollOnSunshine · 25/01/2026 10:32

£75 is peanuts for a hen do. If you cannot afford it then decline.

Bjorkdidit · 25/01/2026 10:32

lunx · 25/01/2026 10:26

@Laistebecause the hotel has a jacuzzi bathtub. But there’s four people per room. So we wouldn’t really get chance to utilise this because we are not there to ‘relax’. We are going to a really fast paced city so will hardly even be at the hotel and only going for a night.

So stay in the apartment and the people who want to sit in a jacuzzi book a spa session with the £40 pn saved.

Idontthinkicandothisanymore · 25/01/2026 10:30

Jacuzzi bath tubs are shit anyway. People think they’re getting a hot tub.
the apartment sounds way more suitable for a group night away. In a hotel you’re separated anyway

Odiebay · 25/01/2026 10:30

Just stick a poll in the group chat and whichever option wins the most votes is what you go with!

FOJN · 25/01/2026 10:27

The person booking the hotel ignored concerns about cost but is now pissed off that the people who said they couldn't afford the hotel won't subsidise her stay there?

Someone is being selfish and it's not the people trying to find a way to make it work within their budget.

Original poster
lunx · 25/01/2026 10:26

@Laistebecause the hotel has a jacuzzi bathtub. But there’s four people per room. So we wouldn’t really get chance to utilise this because we are not there to ‘relax’. We are going to a really fast paced city so will hardly even be at the hotel and only going for a night.

OP posts:
Laiste · 25/01/2026 10:24

Brefugee · 25/01/2026 10:22

But the group going home are saying the group finding cheaper accommodation are being selfish and not thinking of the bride. I just don’t understand it myself.

could they be a bit miffed because while 75 was too much, 35 would have been ok?

If nothings booked they could change their mind and jump in with the apartment people?

rainbowunicorn · 25/01/2026 10:23

This is why I turn down all invites to hen dos. A large group of women, many of which dont know everyone else, trying to organise something that will please everyone is just a recipe for disaster. It inevitably ends up as a bit of a bitch fest with different groups moaning about different aspects of it. No thanks. Turning up for the wedding is my limit these days after years of this kind of nonsense.

Laiste · 25/01/2026 10:22

🧐 what?

The going home people are saying the cheaper people are being selfish?

Brefugee · 25/01/2026 10:22

But the group going home are saying the group finding cheaper accommodation are being selfish and not thinking of the bride. I just don’t understand it myself.

could they be a bit miffed because while 75 was too much, 35 would have been ok?

Laiste · 25/01/2026 10:21

If this is all going on at the pre-booking stage then yes, it's fine to want/request the perfectly reasonable cheaper alternative.

Why are the hotel people so dead set on a hotel?

Original poster
lunx · 25/01/2026 10:17

The bride isn’t aware of anything. She’s knows she has an hen do but no other details. there wasn’t really a discussion about what our budget was. Just this is the hotel send me the money and i’ll book. And anyone who suggested anything else instantly got dismissed. There’s people going home because they can’t afford to stay over and then a group who have found cheaper accommodation. But the group going home are saying the group finding cheaper accommodation are being selfish and not thinking of the bride. I just don’t understand it myself.

OP posts:
UncannyFanny · 25/01/2026 10:13

Tell them it’s selfish of them to want everyone else to do what they say when they know people can’t afford it.

Chickadiddy · 25/01/2026 10:12

Who could possibly have imagined that ditching the plan and forming an alternative sub group would cause problems on a Hen Party????

Bjorkdidit · 25/01/2026 10:10

I'd agree it's not fair for the second group to have gone rogue against the plans without considering things like this

They haven't 'gone rogue' as they never agreed to the £75 pn hotel rooms. They've said it's too expensive and suggested an alternative. The people who want to stay in the hotel don't have a right to pay £75 pn when this is dependent on the people who want to stay in the apartment at £35 pn also paying more than twice as much as the accommodation they've found.

Surely it's better for everyone to be together and to be able to afford to go, so I don't see why they can't just stay in an apartment which, like a PP says, is a better option anyway as you have a communal space for everyone to be together.

HoskinsChoice · 25/01/2026 10:09

Surely an apartment is a better option irrespective of the cost? Apartments usually have a communal area where you can all gather together whereas you'll all be in separate bedrooms in a hotel. Apartments are much better suited to a hen do. Having said that, I suppose if I'd spent ages looking for a hotel and then someone changed my plan, I'd be annoyed (although I'd back down and agree the apartment is a better plan whilst quietly seething about my wasted time).

Hospitalvisitguilt · 25/01/2026 10:08

Pre cursor to a complete bitchfest.

It changes dynamics as others have said.