To not understand why this is an issue

Are you all invited to the wedding?

So she’s basically using someone else’s wedding as an excuse to organise something she wants to do because she has a non existent social life. All of it sounds like absolute hell to me and I feel sorry for the bride who most likely isn’t aware of half of it.

When someone invites you to an event in honour of someone else (especially with more than one or two other people), you say, "yes, thanks," or, "sorry, I won't be able to attend".

You don't start trying to rearrange or reorganise that event to suit yourself.

Simple as that.

For what it's worth, my RSVP to this particular event would be the latter.

This is hilarious! I defo wouldn't be entertaining any of this for a work colleague. I bet the bride is imagining a nice simple night out, maybe a meal and then drinks etc with her work friends - not an overnight stay with horrid activities and I'm sorry but who wants a stripper these days!

“The person who suggested the apartment asked a few of us what wanted and several offered the cheaper option”

reading this, it looks like the second plan was formed off radar, away from the main group chat. I think that could be where the organiser felt undermined and like it went behind her back. I can understand why that put her back up tbh, but this is still all bonkers.

As pp said, forking out money for a day/night away that you don’t think you’ll enjoy is a big no no , unless it’s for a very close friend! With work colleagues? Naaaaah

Absolutely. A whole different ball game now we've got the updates!

@lunx Your colleague organising this is going WAY OTT for a night out for a colleague! WAAAYYY OTT!

You all need to tell her that a nice night out is all that is required. Somewhere local if possible and folks can go home afterwards, or if you need to travel somewhere, get taxis home or those who want to can book their own accommodation for staying overnight.

Please also be aware that a taxi home may not cost as much as you think. We went to a do 30 miles away on Hogmanay/New year's eve. Planned to stay overnight in a hotel. Then realised that the cost of the fixed rate pre booked taxi was LESS than the hotel, even although it was premium prices because it was Hogmany and our pick up was 1am (and we are in Scotland).

I'll bet the bride won't want this at all! She's having a proper hen do with her friends!

EDITED to add - and we had a very basic, but acceptable, hotel room originally booked, so not an expensive room

If it’s just a works hen I would step in and tell the bride. This sounds a disaster. It should literally be a meal out or a spa day. Overnight would be so uncomfortable. A stripper may even be considered sexual harassment in the workplace for gods sake

I agree with this! Apart from anything else I have 2 sleep disorders and use a CPAP machine and a fan or I just don't sleep. But it would be disturbing anyone else in the room, when they are not used to it!

Shared rooms?
Shared beds?
Stripper?
With WORK COLLEAGUES 😱

Fuck that for a game of soldiers.

Wait it's not even the real hendo?! That's a real dripfeed and changes everything... For goodness sake just have a fuddle at work or go for a meal after work. Why does it have to turn into such a palava?! Has anyone even asked bride what she wants?

Sorry not to be a miserable sod but no way would I want to spend loads of money and share bedrooms with people I work with and am not really even friends with. Ewww!

Is the jacuzzi for the stripper?

I couldnt be bothered with this penny pinching. £75 a night isnt that expensive for a hotel. Just read 4 people per room in a hotel. Its mad. Back to the drawing board.

Sorry but i do kind of agree with this. I don't think there was any malice but I don't think it was the right thing to do.

Everything about this sounds awful but the bed sharing, the stripper, the weird justification of a jacuzzi bath and the fact you're all colleagues is just a hellscape.

Stop it in its tracks now and arrange a nice dinner and drinks somewhere after work.

And yep, jacuzzi bathtubs are crap.
It's a normal bath that just shoots a few water streams at you from the side.
Nothing like a hot tub.

I know, sounds horrific!!

Given the updates and that you are all colleagues and not personal friends of the bride, I think this puts a slightly different slant on things.

If it had been a close friend/relative of BTB then I think everyone should really have sucked up the original plan and not formed subgroups.

However, you are all colleagues, which puts you all on an even footing. So I think if it's still something everyone wants to do then you should restart the whole plan with a group vote. Current organiser has no first dibs in this situation.

Because there's a jacuzzi bath tub?! Maybe you're all supposed to get in that at the same time too ...

😂😂😂

I don't share rooms with friends when I go away let alone beds with work colleagues!

£75 for a half share of a bed in a two bedded room. Or £35 for my own bed.

yeah, I can see their point

It sounds silly and unnecessary.

Spend the money on a gift for the couple, or add more cash to their card.

I would drop out of staying anywhere, and just go for the meal. Use some of the money saved on accommodation for a taxi home.

There's absolutely no way I would be paying £75 to share a bed with a work friend, in a room with 2 other work friends in another double bed. Why the organiser ever thought that was a good plan is beyond me. Because there's a jacuzzi bath tub?! Maybe you're all supposed to get in that at the same time too ...
And where is the stripper meant to be performing?! That is tacky as hell. And might not be allowed in some places.

I would drop out and just go to the wedding, there will be grumbling from both sides and it won't be a fun relaxed break.

The organiser sounds like a PITA that doesn’t have friends from what you have written so this is all about her experiencing a friendship group that’s trapped because they are workmates. I have workmates that became friends this is different and all enforced on her terms.

I just saw the stripper bit well easy for me as I would refuse to go because of that alone, it’s vile.

The whole thing sounds like an absolute expensive nightmare. I literally couldn't think of anything worse to attend or to be the bride-to-be at. 😂

Having said that, surely you stay where you can afford and feel comfortable staying. It doesn't matter where you stay as the whole point of it is going out.

This needs to be reframed as a works night out. I’d be speaking to the bride to be to pin down what she wants. The silly surprises may fill her with horror. A new friend hijacked organising my hen and I hated some elements.

OMG, work friends organising a stripper. What could possibly go wrong?