Comparing a dog to a child

Have you come across the concept of Saviour complex @notdoingit11? You might find this article helpful in understanding the dynamic you have found yourself www.verywellmind.com/savior-complex-8357155

You sound absolutely horrible

You’ve been kind but you’re now in resentment mode and it’s time to step back. The fact you’ve made a post on it this morning shows how much it’s getting to you.

It sounds like this colleague is having an incredibly rough time, I can’t imagine the grief she is going through. I agree with others it’s more than just the dog situation.

It sounds like this colleague is coming in and putting her trauma onto you and I think that although you’ve got to have some empathy it can be draining and hard on you to be dealing with someone else’s situation when they are a work colleague and it’s obviously not part of your job. Naturally it creates an environment that you are probably feeling a bit uncomfortable to work in.

I don’t think it’s on you to deal or worry about your colleague but you must speak to your manager with your concerns if it’s affecting you and your work.

If the dog is ill and needs to be taken to vets she should be given flexibility but for dog not pooping no.

So you've decided to spend your Sunday moaning about it on MN.
What do you want from this thread OP. You've had lots of sensible advice and input.

She must be in a lot of emotional pain. The drinking isn’t helping and shouldn’t be tolerated, the dog, it’s not a big deal IMO if the job is flexible for other staff members that have caring responsibilities.
I have a dog and children (older children now) my dog takes up as much as my time as the children.
Give her a break around the dog issues.

You're repeating yourself with the dog bashing thread rubbish now OP. You can bitch on with the best of them can't you. I can see why your colleague chose you to bitch with.

Take it up with your manager and move on.

Lets park for a minute the issue of whether dogs should get the same priority as kids (which I don’t agree with because society needs kids which means there is somewhat of a social contract in place to allow for kids…)

Lets assume dogs should be treated as kids…

it sounds like they would allow it if it was for one off vets or routine of allowing drop off the later opening doggy day care? (Comparable and fair)

I have kids and I don’t think work would take kindly to me regularly being late because one of them might need to poo? (Hence her comparing dogs need for longer to poo to SEN drop off is not comparable)

If her dog needs longer to poo she needs to get up earlier and start walk earlier.

Im a bit torn on this. As a single, childless woman I have often had to cover for colleagues who had to take time off during lunchtime or leave early in the evening because of their children. So if I had a dog it would be unfair if I was expected to cover for my colleague’s childcare issues, but nobody covered for me when I had dog care issues.

in both situations, coming in late and leaving early should not become the norm. And people should make up their hours if they do need to finish early some days. So from this point of view I guess you can treat people with dogs and people with children the same.

Yes I understand all that , but you are as bad, you are bitching about her ...
This is a matter for HR alone

I see its annoying for you ,however it's up to management to sort it out. Everyones lives seem different and there is a lot more flexibility now ,Dogs, Relations who are ill,children, or simply needing time out to MH .All needing attention .

Flexibility if offered should be offered to all. A vet appointment is as important as a doctor appointment - no one wants to think of an animal suffering in pain at home or not getting the medical attention they need - whether it's a cat, dog, or hamster. I work for a FTSE 100 and never had an issue coming in late or leaving early due to a vet appointment.

However, I would point out - gently - that a long dog walk is not time bound like a doctors appointment or a school start time and she could just get up earlier. No one is coming in late because they had to walk/play with their child. Flexibility is offered to facilitate work life balance but contractual hours must be completed overall.

My sympathy is with your colleague - she got the dog as one of a partnership, in the belief there would always be two people to look after it.

Her partner sadly died, and now she's in a situation with a dog that she naturally loves and wouldn't dream of rehoming but which she might never have got in the first place had she been single.

Why should people who have children be allowed to take time off for all sorts of child-related things, but she is getting flak for needing to care for her dog?

I could understand your attitude more if she'd got a dog in her present circumstances without thinking through the logistics of looking after it, but she's in this position not only through no fault of her own but as the result of what was by anyone's standard a traumatic and tragic event.

Spot on.

Find your voice, OP, she’s entitled to have her own views - but you don’t have to give her an audience to express them . She can complain to HR or an out of work friend or whatever.

I don’t even have kids myself and yet I’d still have shut her down long before this.

Instrad of just complaining like your coworker is doing, you need to think about what you are going to do as you can’t control anyone else @notdoingit11

We've had the bitching drip, the dog shitting drip and have now reached the 'I've been a saint and nobody has done more for her than I have' drip of the thread.

This really really isn't about the dog.

This. OP would be too frightened and embarrassed to be this honest

It's not about a dog or a child it's about accommodating staff needs. Offering flexibility builds good relationships abd happy staff are more productive. She is obviously struggling with coping with her bereavement. You are focusing on her dog but it's much more than that

The alcohol is a problem which it seems they are aware of ad have her talks with her. The rest is just you not being very kind actually

Just keep repeating that. Employers are bound to consider reasonable adjustments or flexible working for things like disability, and childcare etc but not pets. And move on.

She’s bitching to you about other colleagues because you are letting her. And it sounds like you are only one who does let her so your other colleagues may well think you agree with her or at best that you are two faced and are telling her one thing and them another.

You need to shut this right down: “Susan I’ve listened to this for 2 years because I’ve been trying to be supportive of you after your loss but enough is enough. I don’t share your views about this and I’m not prepared to listen to you gossip about other colleagues. Please don’t speak to me about this again” and if she tries to raise it with you after you’ve said this “I’ve told you I’m not prepared to discuss this with you” and walk away.

At the moment you are stuck in people pleaser mode but this could really damage your personal and professional relationships and reputation so you need to find your voice and say no.