Would you go on this hen do?

I had a 4 day hen do in Spain last year and i had 9 people come, I was shocked the amount of people who said yes, a lot of them with young children (who just needed a break - my brief for the hen do was I want to relax for 4 days, no drunken nights till 2am) and everyone loved it. I had a few people say they couldn’t make it and I never gave it a second thought, we had an afternoon tea at home for the people who couldn’t make it and I loved it.

She isn’t a friend if she is offended you won’t go.

Why would she feel guilty if OP just says "I can't get that time off work, sorry". It's not the brides fault that OPs work has people already booked off then and she won't consider it's her fault.

You don’t have to go, absolutely. But at 4, looked after by her Dad, it may be a good thing for both of you. Children do need a little ‘independence’ as they grow up.

Good.

Tell her you can't go, but be honest about the reason. Pretending it's because of the money or annual leave might make the bride feel guilty.

Book separate and just do two nights. If it’s Spain thats totally do able.

i have to say though i would be tempted to go as its good for you to have you time but also your daughter and partner will enjoy some one on one time too

4 days annual leave, in Spain for a hen do is a big NO from me. Maybe if someone was paying me to go then yes. But they’re not!! How self indulgent is the bride… or should I say bridezilla. Pass

This has already been answered in one of the OP's updates.

You can click on the button to read all OPs posts. She said hers was just a night out.

I would hate it and say I can't afford it. Should she offer to pay i would then switch to not wanting to leave my child, husbands playing cricket that weekend so can't be sole child carer etc.

Have you had any big plans or plans abroad that she has gone too?

How many days of work will you need to take off? Is your child in school yet?

I look at any travel plans with friends now not just being away from the children but the additional cost of having to put them in holiday club and the fact they have to actually go.

No, and I wouldn't either after the last update. Haven't done bunk beds since backpacking in my 20s.

That is totally fine. But they can’t EXPECT everyone to fall into line and attend. They must know that it won’t be doable for some people for monetary, practical or work reasons.

I wouldn’t but more because my precious annual leave is for my children, not friends who decide they want an extravagant hen party abroad for a few days. Selfish maybe but I think that’s how life goes when you have kids. It’s crazy she expects everyone to self fund it too.

Absolutely, but it’s an individual choice.

And some of us don’t consider bunk beds in a hostel to be “a nice break.” 😆

As always, it’s an invite not a summons.

I’ve done 4 days abroad for a hen do and we had a great time. Including using a Friday / Monday annual leave. My husband has also done similar.

life doesn’t stop when you’re a parent and you deserve to go and have a couple of days off and have a nice time.

that being said, if you don’t want to go or money / annual leave are genuinely an issue then don’t go. Apologise to the bride but don’t go.

you are being unreasonable however to hold this against the bride and deem this as over the top. Just because you did something different or have different expectations of a hen do doesn’t mean she’s wrong for wanting to do this.

Bunk beds? That would be a hell no from me too.

Anyone having an abroad hen do at expense cannot be annoyed by someone not attending, for any reason. If they are, they are a terrible friend and not worth the stress.

Or, you know, people might like a nice break away with their mates for a few nights. My hen do was a night out at home but I've had a few trips away with friends since I had kids. Some people might feel they can only justify this for some bigger occasions like getting married.

Bunk beds?
Good God no
Just no

Just a question. Did you have a hen night where you expected similar of her and your other hens. If not, should definitely not feel guilty.

If you haven’t left your daughter before, start with 1 night. Or two. Dont go zero to four if not comfortable

oh now you’re just being facetious. Losing a parent at 5 is very different from 55. Stop derailing the thread with your nonsense.

Just say no.

If she wants all her mates there, she needs to make it accessible

If it's too expensive or not your thing then by all means don't go- perhaps if the bride is a good friend you could have a nice dinner out with her instead?

But for your own sake, I would get used to leaving your daughter with DH and four nights should be fine at this age. Make sure you have your own identity and know who you are away from your children as one day they will grow up and be independent. What life will you have if everything has been about them?