Would you go on this hen do?

Why are you being so harsh? OP may have other reasons she doesn’t want to leave her child for 4 nights too that she doesn’t want to share. Child could have medical needs, or perhaps husband isn’t all that hands on/ or maybe not a brilliant dad. It could just be that OP has a dependent style bond but whatever, that’s her relationship with her child and perfectly normal!

OP - have you thought about taking friend out for a coffee and explaining how you feel? That you really want to support her and have a great time together, but that you just don’t feel comfortable and that you wish you did, but you don’t?

Friend may feel hurt initially but if she’s a true friend, she’ll understand. Perhaps you could arrange a night away somewhere local for you two instead?

I get that, but the fact is that all the bride has done yet is invite her. She hasn’t responded negatively to the OP’s refusal. She may never do so. The OP is be8ng melodramatic about something that may never happen.

@RueLepic I think Op is more worried about the bride being a baby over this.

All very sensible comments here but just to say you do sound like you are making excuses. Time off, expense and away from your child. Find for it to be all of it but do as the others have said, and decline. Hen do will go on without you. I didn’t actually have one has I treated myself to a spa weekend on the weekend of my now husband’s stag do… wives and girlfriends of those on the stag do were not happy but they got together and had a fabulous time (they shared your photos)

I’m with you op. I’d decline. It’s asking too much. If you have a hen do abroad you can’t expect everyone to attend or be disappointed in people if they decline. I had a night out in Bath for my hen do to keep it easy for others, so I don’t feel obliged to go on long/abroad hen do’s…

Agree with this ... why are some people on here so horrible in their replies.

The kid is theoretically being left with the father! Not some stranger. I can’t quite understand why that would be a problem. In their own house with their Dad.

I mean fine not to go if you don’t fancy it or think it’s too expensive. But there’s a bit of a problem if a 4 year old isn’t happy for a few nights with just the Dad (or the Dad can’t cope).

I wouldn’t go. I’m with you on not wanting to leave kids for that long. Personally I think hen/stag dos have gotten out of hand nowadays in terms of the time and financial expectation that is placed on guests, but that’s just my opinion. She’s obviously entitled to have the hen party she wants but she can’t expect everybody to be up for four nights away in Spain. I’ve declined a hen party before because (at that time) I was the only one in a group of friends with kids and I also simply did not have the money. Everybody was very polite and understanding about it :)

You're allowed to say no and tell the truth that you don't want to be away from your family this length of time.
It annoys me how bride to be thinks that everyone should fall into line with what they want just because they're getting married.
Life changes people change you can say no it's not your thing and that's ok x

Hen Night's abroad are just an example of how these sort of celebrations have got well out of control and become really moneyfied over the years.

Stay at home with your young child and don't feel guilty.

I would 100% say no. If you’ve never left your 4yo overnight (I get this, I’ve only left my 2.5yo a handful of times) then I don’t think it’s worth it for an event, you don’t really want to go to. I hate how expensive/over the top hen parties have become. I love that meme that says “the feeling when you get added to a group ‘Kelly’s hen 2026 Ibiza.”
anyway, I would send a really nice message, thanking for the invite and explaining your reasons, making money a big one as people understand this more. I’d add in that you can do something else to celebrate her, afternoon tea somewhere quite posh or a spa day.

Because that's what she wants to do.

Is it Benidorm?? Horrible place.
You'd be better off on an overnight to Blackpool.

I think you should just be honest. And as soon as possible. " I'm sorry Margery, but it just doesn't work for me. I've family plans for my annual leave and I just can't afford it"

Oh, woman up, OP. You’re not ‘in a difficult position’. You’ve been invited on a trip you don’t want to go on, and you’re being very melodramatic about a possible negative response that has not actually happened.

Do what you want to do, for whatever reasons you see fit, and deal with your friend’s hurt or angry reaction IF it takes place. It’s also perfectly possible she will say ‘Oh, that’s a pity. Well, I’m having a night out for people who can’t make it’ and that will be the end of it.

I think you're doing the right thing for you OP by declining at the outset then the rest of the party including bride know you aren't attending and there will be no expectation.
I would't feel under pressure to lie or make an elaborate excuse, just a simple apologies but unable to commit to the trip due to family. Then remove yourself from the chat group (if there is one) and leave them to it. Once you've got this over with you'll hopefully feel a weight off your shoulders.
I don't have my own children but wouldn't have left little ones Monday to Friday in August using valuable annual leave it's too much to ask

Well in MY DAY for a hen do you got a Babycham and a pickled egg and thought yourself lucky

I get it op. We also don’t have any family here whatsoever and if dh or I aren’t here it’s a huge thing. We don’t holiday away from our kids either and neither do we want to. Also there is NO way I would be spending precious annual leave on someone else’s hen do.

I wouldn't be going in your situation @auntfanny6 I'm not sure how much annual leave you get a year but with children you need it for their nursery/school holidays, surely?
That's before we get onto cost and so on.
Decline gracefully, and the bride should be aware already that a hen do of this nature is going to mean not all potential hens can make it along. So she shouldn't be taking the huff with you.

People who have weddings or hen do's abroad need to appreciate that not everyone will be happy or able to go. It is what it is.
Don't go if it's too much upset and hassle.

Have you said you're going, OP? If you have agreed then you are in danger of possibly changing the friendship forever. Have you paid any money? Or have you said you're waiting for your leave to be approved?

I also suffer IBS and would probably struggle in that environment. However, sometimes it does us good to do things that make us uncomfortable. A few years back I went on a 40th night away, I am not a girls girl but my friend was dear to me and as out of place as I felt and as awful as my stomach was, I powered through. However, it was only one night. My daughter was 4 at the time.

Ask yourself, are you afraid of the new experience?
If it will not jeopardise the family a holiday for all of you, then go to the hen.

If you are also able to take time off work, you should go. For both if applicable.

If you can easily afford this and will not be out of pocket or you can save for this one off, you should go.

You child will be fine with dad.

Don't let fear hold you back 💪

If you don’t want to go because it’s expensive and excessive then that’s fine and a perfectly good reason.

You’re not leaving your child though as they’ll be with their Dad so that shouldn’t be an issue at all.

My posts may come across unpleasant if they’re not what you wish to hear, however highlight to me where I have been name calling? “Martyr yourself if you wish” does not count as name calling by the way.

My intention isn’t to be “bitchy” no, you’ve posted your dilemma for others to engage and debate. Honestly you sound overly sensitive.