To go LC with PILs because FIL voted for Trump?

I’m surpised by the number of posters who would support a racist relative.

I totally agree with you here. Be angry with the Democrats rather than disillusioned voters. Were I American I can honestly say idk how I would have voted or if I would have voted. It’s easy in hindsight to say I would never have voted Trump and condemn anyone, who did.

Of course she “knows better than them” if what is going on in the US at the moment doesn’t led you to the conclusion Trump is a dangerous megalomanic and every one who voted for him is at best a fool and at worst evil then you are beyond help too.

@EachotherAndAnother I’m really surprised at the vote here, you are absolutely not unreasonable, his views could have a dangerous impact on your kids and teaches your girl she matters less for a whole heap of reasons. Personally I’d give him a piece of my mind then never speak to him again but appreciate a slow fade is probably less dramatic. What does your husband say about his father?

I think this is an issue with the left, and I say this as a card carrying leftie myself. Apparently it’s ok to dismiss the right and ignore them because they’re stupid, inferior, wrong and we’re the intelligent ones with all of the answers.

Millions of people voted for Trump, some of them highly intelligent and shrewd. Same for Farage. I don’t agree with any of their political views whatsoever but can listen to their supporters without feeling repulsed in some way. It’s just politics in the end, most of us have a view of some sort and we can’t all agree.

Bill Clinton, too. Should I refuse to speak to everyone who voted for him?

I was relieved when trump left office the first time, but what he did wasn't anything like this.

I feel like this about people who voted Labour at our last GE and brought this complete shit show into UK government. I’ve not cut anyone off over their political views though, I just avoid discussing politics with them.

They are good in-laws and good grandparents....what they voted on the past obviously doesn't not suddenly make them bad in-laws and grandparents.

If they bring up politics I would shut it down saying that our politics don't align and refuse to have any further discussions with them.
I think cutting them off is unreasonable and cruel.

Most of us spend every day at work or in families with people whoes politics we don't agree with and yes, it might make us feel differently about those people.....but it is a democracy no matter how deluded we think they are.

YABU. I dislike Trump as much as the next person, but you have shown yourself to be just as bigoted as they are with a comment like "typical boomer nonsense".

I felt similar to you when I found out my PIL voted for Brexit. But that’s democracy for you. I think you need to separate politics from family or it will drive you mad. I get where you’re coming from but YABU

It’s unfair to everyone involved. Your children will miss out on an otherwise loving set of grandparents (you don’t even know if your MIL voted for trump). Your DH was raised by these people, do you consider him to be a racist bigot?

They have helped you financially and with childcare and you didn’t question it until recently when you found out FIL in voted Trump (surely that would have been obvious?).

Before you decide to reduce contact maybe have a conversation with them and see their point of view. In life we come across people that we don’t share the same views with, but you can’t change peoples minds by cutting them out of your life. Shouldn’t you be the role model to your children and teach them that grandparents views are outdated but you can’t change peoples still sit with them over dinner and argue your views.

My aunt and uncle, who we are close to .voted Brexit and admired David Cameron. I love ❤ them dearly. If we all agreed it would be wierd!

I'm a "boomer". Yes, a lot of my generation spout nonsense, and are horrible blinkered unsympathetic people. And yes, anyone knows better than a Trump voter. Even before he entered politics it was obvious he was a dishonest and downright nasty person. Ask anyone who had the misfortune to do business with him.

My ILs live a couple of hours drive away so we don’t see them very often. They are nice enough people on the face of it and the kids love them but every so often a little comment comes out that would hint towards their politics and I have to choose to ignore or change the subject fast as I don’t want to get into an argument with them. I have never heard them say anything openly offensive but I’ve heard enough hints that they may be Reform-y or heading that way. That is not my politics.

They’re my family albeit we’re not super close and I don’t want to fall out with them for the sake of harmony so it’s just best to steer clear of certain topics.

Point I’m making OP, is that it’s probably just best to see your FIL as a nice grandad to your kids and don’t get into talking about topics you know you won’t like his response.

I would feel the same as you.

I think Trump is an actual facist (plus a sociopathic megalomaniac whose only desire is to feed his own ego and line his pockets).

Kind of hard to be mates with someone who voted for a facist 🤷‍♀️

somewhat forgivable if they changed their mind now and were horrified at what had gone on since re-election

I think you have to accept that your FIL is ignorant, naive and fairly right wing

I wouldn't leave children alone with someone with those views when dcs are 8- 16 and opinions are being formed. Robustly counter any views he expresses. Call it out every time in front of the dcs so they know such views are not acceptable.

But cutting people off is probably a step too far for me.

Politics should be kept out of friendships and relationships. 🤷‍♀️

“they're hospitable and generous - have helped us financially when buying our house, help with the DC in the holidays etc.”

OP, hang on to that. They have tried to be good to you, and you are allowed (as they are) to have different political opinions. Do you agree with every last belief of your friends or other family? If their politics are right wing, perhaps it’s a question of not being able to vote for Kamala rather than actively voting for Trump. Do you believe in freedom of speech and people’s rights to hold their own opinions? Because if so, you have to allow people to hold opinions that you personally find abhorrent.

Do you know why? A lot of people are actually pretty thick (sorry) and often stick to one particular issue they are passionate about. For example some mumsnetters would vote for him because he does not support the trans movement. They would literally accept everything else he has done because of that. Pretty disturbing considering he is overall much, much more dangerous for women. I digress.

Point is, what are his reasons? Does he still feel the same way? Id find it very hard to be close to someone like that but I would keep civility for the children.

never mind thing what he might do. he was a rapist! and we know what he did 1st time in office

They also cautioned their other son (DH's brother), who was planning to (and did) marry a Black woman, that any time a "minority" has married into the family it's ended up causing problems and division

So yeah, that is the suggestion of racism right there…

As far as I am concerned, Americans that voted for Trump are no different from the Germans that voted for Hitler.

The US is pretty much a fascist state now and I don't blame OP for not wanting to spend time with someone who knowingly and deliberately voted for a racist and adjudicated sex offender who tried to overturnn the results of an election that he didn't win.

He is even worse second time round and what is going on in the US at the moment is utterly disgusting. He is a sociopath who is a danger to all other NATO countries and their citizens.

I know, clearly they hold those views too or at least sympathetic towards it.

But if the cap fits?

Perhaps Trump's apologists need to develop some 'healthy shame.' (Look it up.)