I’m really hoping to have some views. I’m sorry in advance for quite a complicated dilemma.
my husband and I are recently separated. It has been my decision- it’s very sad but I sadly don’t love him anymore and resentment was really building. He is very upset and I’m feeling so guilty. He’s not a bad guy but has been difficult to live with- grumpy/ irritable and negative and over the years it’s really got me down.
We are still living together and have 3 children- 3, 8 and 15. We will be living together for the foreseeable due to finances and it’s all very new. Although it’s horrible seeing him upset I feel a relief that the pressure of having to pretend is over.
we haven’t spoken about the future yet but I have been- I’m just worried about broaching it.
basically very long story but about 2 years ago we moved an hour or so out of London to a large town. I’ve hated it ever since and have so many regrets about moving. There are a few reasons- I have a 2 hr each way commute twice a week, and I don’t like the town and have struggled to make friends. I also had a scary experience soon after we moved that has affected me. I don’t think I’ll ever be happy here. I’m desperate to have my own space where I can feel free and relaxed and happy with my kids.
what I really want is to move back to London where my family and friends are and where getting to work is easier for me. (It’s about an hours drive.) I think my ex will be ok with moving close to wherever I am as he will want to see lots of the kids.
but I feel I selfish thinking of moving them when they are settled here and they love our house.
ive been thinking a lot and my 8 yr old will be moving to secondary school in about 2 years and this could be the best time as he’ll be moving schools anyway. I would make sure to keep in touch with his best friend so they can see each other lots at the weekends/ holidays. But my 15 yr old will be half way through his A levels so I can’t move him. Is it horrible selfish to ask my ex to stay in our town with him for that last year while he finishes his exams- we can alternate weekends where my 15 yr old stays with me and my two youngest stay with their dad? My ex works in London so he can pop in to see me and the youngest after work on some days during the week?
then once my oldest finishes his exams he can move in with me and my ex will find somewhere close by?
it is quite complicated and I’m so conscious of the disruption for my children. But the thought of staying in the town I’m in now just makes me feel so depressed.