Husbands dark moods always end in an argument

He’s only going to get worse. Don’t buy a house with this man OP. You deserve to be with someone who shares the load and makes you happy.

You need to wake up. Fast.

Take the opportunity life has given you, rent a place just for you and never let him over the threshold.

And file for divorce.

He sounds awful. Don't buy a house with him. At best, he's just an arsehole. At worst he's deliberately acting having temper tantrums in the hope that you'll want him to go back to working part-time so that he stops acting so horribly. Then he could go back to doing more hobbies and let you do almost all the work again. For god's sake don't have children with him if you haven't already.

Can’t imagine going along to “support” my husband on a rainy Saturday morning whilst he coaches kids…. None of which are mine (or even his!)

OP, what exactly are you getting out of this relationship? This manchild is going to sulk and put on his parts simply because he’s expected to hold down a full-time job - heaven help you if ever you were to throw children into the mix. Please, take a long hard look at what you want from life, and act accordingly.

£15k to buy somewhere as a deposit, pay for legal fees and moving costs? I think that’s ambitious.

You take your money. You find a cheap studio for yourself to rent and save like a mad woman. Then you buy somewhere.

Use this needing to get out of your current place as the perfect excuse to get out of this relationship and start a new life, in a new place on your own.

Don't find a house with him. Get out now. He's not going to change. He wants to live the single life where he can come and go as he pleases.

Let him.

He is not husband material. Get out of the marriage now.

And he's 'close to breaking' from a normal day (albeit one that didn't go to plan) 🙄 He needs to grow up.

Your life can be better than this. He will not be a good father.

Sounds depressed but you don’t deserve this

What’s ridiculous comment from you based on one altercation and one persons viewpoint on their marriage

Don’t buy a house. £15k savings is nowhere near enough. You’re already under financial pressure, why add a mortgage on top?

I think there’s a mismatch here. Would you like it if when you were low and in a bad mood over no time for yourself if he said “there has to be give and take and that married women can’t always do what they want.” ?

That’s kind of invalidating. He tells you “look on the bright side” which is also invalidating.

You can’t both continue to ignore and dismiss unhappiness and just carry on with daily go get food, cook, eat, watch telly, go to bed, clean, laundry, work, on repeat. That is just existing.

In what way do you still restrict him from his hobbies now he is working full time? Are you sure time cannot be made for his hobbies? Some budget agreed?

I know I would go mad if my husband started to not allow me any time or any of my money for my hobbies, and ditto for him. Our hobbies are how we decompress and let go of stress, I agree when you have a family you can’t always do what you want, but never do what you want?

Its unanimous: just cut your losses snd get out. This man is deeply selfish and he won’t change. Stop saying the phrase “family msn” like its a magical incantation. he’s not a family man he’s not interested in being there for the kid with the broken bone, his sister, or you. He does those things because he’s faking being a grown up. But he doesn’t enjoy them.

Im married to a family man. If that is who they are they know it, they livevit. They think in advance “how will this affect my wife? Children? Parents?” They worry about money “can we afford this?” They plan for the future.
He is faking you out. He cares only anout himself .

Get out before commingling assets and before children.

I don’t agree - this could risk his abusive nature escalating

You’re his mommy.

Sadly money can ruin relationships. Even though i made some really good change, i was broke and lived paycheck to paycheck most of the time. I think you must restrict access to some of the things you pay for so he can learn the lesson the hard way.

My step father is like this, and always has been. He does have childhood trauma however doesn’t acknowledge it, refuses therapy and treats my mum badly but she can be just as bad as she also doesn’t know how to communicate, I’ve worked in mental health and therapy for 15 years and they don’t take my advice. I’m NC with them both now. If he won’t have relationship therapy I would get your ducks in a row and leave. This is emotional abuse.

Find a house that suits you and you can afford on your own.
I suspect you won’t be with him in 6 months if this behaviour continues

Find your own house.

I think you should rent a small place by yourself. Ideally get a divorce before buying somewhere so that he has no claim on it.

Seems to me that anyone using the word "scared" in terms of confrontations with her husband should be heading for marital counseling or divorce.

Take this opportunity to buy your own place and dump this moody freeloader! Really, you can do so much better, why would you put up with this?

It sounds like you may be fawning (in the context of emotional abuse) to keep the atmosphere bearable. He seems aware of this and is taking advantage of it. Try to stop reassuring him and stop over-explaining, and allow yourself to sit with the discomfort — as difficult as that may be.

The more you fawn or attempt to fill the awkward silences the more ‘justified’ he feels.

Why are you planning to buy a house with this idiot?

Where’s your self esteem?