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AIBU?

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Original poster

To leave friend sitting in her car outside my house as she's arrived 90 minutes early

418 replies

youretooearly · 24/01/2026 17:11

I invited my friend over to my house for a takeaway tonight. She asked what time and I said about 6pm. She responded to say she was planning to leave her house shortly (this was about 3.30pm) as she has never been to my house before and wanted to find her way before it got dark. She said not to worry she would just "hang around" somewhere and wouldn't impose. I assumed she meant she would go to a nearby coffee shop or something. I wasn't at home at that stage and told her so. I got home about 45 minutes ago and planned to use the time before she arrived to do more preparation for a job interview I have on Monday.

I walked into my living room about half an hour ago and noticed her car sitting outside my house! So she was here at least 1 hour 20 minutes early. I was shocked. I haven't acknowledged that I've seen her or invited her in yet. She's sent me a message 15 minutes ago "let me know when you're ready". I feel a bit angry that she's turned up so early! I said 6pm for a reason and now feel under pressure to let her in.

OP posts:
luckylavender · 24/01/2026 18:00

You can’t leave her outside. She’s your friend. You also know why she’s come early.

NewYearSameMe16 · 24/01/2026 18:00

EmeraldShamrock000 · 24/01/2026 17:52

I am not fond of people who are always 30 minutes or more early (Dsis).
I would invite the early birds in and continue to do what I am doing.

Same, that’s why I’ve started giving people fake arrival times. If I want you to come for 6pm, I say to get there for 7pm (works the opposite way around for chronically late people too 😊).

InLoveWithAI · 24/01/2026 17:59

Some people on Mumsnet are so weird about their so called friends. They seem to hate them.

tripleginandtonic · 24/01/2026 17:59

EchoedSilence · 24/01/2026 17:13

She's your friend. Of course you let her in.

This. Make her a brew and do your interview prep.

PrincessScarlett · 24/01/2026 17:58

Are you even friends? I would never leave a friend sat in their car for 80 minutes just because she was early.

ShodAndShadySenators · 24/01/2026 17:58

Why wouldn't you invite her in? Surely you have other opportunities to do the interview prep before Monday? Or as PP suggested, rope your mate in to be the interviewer. Why wouldn't you, rather than leaving her out there like an OpenReach engineer who doesn't want to start your job because it'll overrun so lies about you not answering the door

CarefullyCuratedFurniture · 24/01/2026 17:57

What is wrong with you? You don't leave a friend sitting outside in the car! Hopefully you've brought the poor woman inside by now.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 24/01/2026 17:56

user2848502016 · 24/01/2026 17:53

If it was a good enough friend I’d just invite her in, make her a drink and tell her you’re going to leave her for an hour so you can do job interview prep.

I think it is hilarious, the interview is Monday. OP is reaching for anything that justifies the entitlement of being upset about her friend’s early arrival.
Inviting a friend for a takeaway while ignoring them
in their car for first 30 minutes. Strange.

NewYearSameMe16 · 24/01/2026 17:56

I think the friend is rude and annoying to come so early; surely after locating the house, she could’ve found a nearby cafe to sit in until the agreed time? For all those saying to let her in, we don’t know how close they are (they don’t sound super close if this is the first visit to the house) and maybe OP doesn’t feel comfortable leaving the friend to her own devices in her home.

I’d be irritated but let her in otherwise I’d feel awkward and wouldn’t get my work done any way. But I’d definitely be wrapping things up early by saying that as we started earlier than planned, I’ll have to call it a night now as I’ve got my interview prep to get done.

ooscal · 24/01/2026 17:56

What's wrong with saying "Hi there, gosh I wasn't expecting you till around 6 ish. I'm in the middle of something, so help yourself to something in the kitchen and I'll be with you in a little bit."

I mean seriously?

purpleygrey · 24/01/2026 17:55

I would let her in and crack on with my work.

my friends would just make their own coffee and probably do the washing up or something else useful for me while I finished up working.

toomuchfaff · 24/01/2026 17:54

WTAF?

Do you have many friends? Im not sure there are many that stick around after you leave them outside your house because they turned up early?

ruethewhirl · 24/01/2026 17:53

CeeceeBloomingdale · 24/01/2026 17:13

I'd let her in but if you really need the time to prepare explain that, make her a coffee and give her the remote control while you do the planned work.

This.

user2848502016 · 24/01/2026 17:53

If it was a good enough friend I’d just invite her in, make her a drink and tell her you’re going to leave her for an hour so you can do job interview prep.

GardenCovent · 24/01/2026 17:53

Goodness I can’t imagine leaving a friend sitting outside in their car.
Yes she was very early but to leave her outside whilst you are inside is bizarre behaviour to me.
But then again I’m happy to answer my door, even if the caller hasn’t put in a written request 3 months prior

FrodoBiggins · 24/01/2026 17:53

Isittimeformynapyet · 24/01/2026 17:52

I got the impression that it was finding a new place that was the issue, so presumably feels more confident getting herself back home in the dark.

Show quote history

Maybe. It's difficult to say without an idea of how far she's come.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 24/01/2026 17:52

I am not fond of people who are always 30 minutes or more early (Dsis).
I would invite the early birds in and continue to do what I am doing.

Isittimeformynapyet · 24/01/2026 17:52

FrodoBiggins · 24/01/2026 17:36

How's she going to get back

Show quote history

I got the impression that it was finding a new place that was the issue, so presumably feels more confident getting herself back home in the dark.

Imdunfer · 24/01/2026 17:50

Would a friend be writing on MN instead of cracking on with finishing the work so you can start the evening with their friend?

It doesn't sound as if this friendship is worth much to you.

Arlanymor · 24/01/2026 17:49

RawBloomers · 24/01/2026 17:31

Text back - “Working right now. Will be ready at 6. Hope you find the place. “ and then get back to your interview prep.

Arriving early is rude for this very reason. But she gave you an out. Better to use that out and not let bad feeling develop. So don’t acknowledge you saw the car and don’t let her being there early pressure you.

Sounds like your friend might be a bit anxious in some situations but she’s perfectly safe say in the car so there’s no need to let it disturb your need for prep.

"Hope you find the place"

So gaslight her then? Because she HAS found the place.

Who lets their mate sit in the cold when they could just set them up with a cup of tea and still crack on with their prep?

chgaus · 24/01/2026 17:49

Mumsnet ‘friend’ threads are so funny. No wonder there are weekly ‘I haven’t got any friends’ posts. Let your ‘friend’ in FGS.

brunettemic · 24/01/2026 17:47

Why is this even a question?!? Just let her in and if you need to do some stuff give her a drink and the TV remote. MN never fails to baffle me.

Ponoka7 · 24/01/2026 17:47

This is very strange. Let her in, give her a drink, the WIFI password and sit her in front of the TV. Or get her involved in the prep.

ScubaSteven · 24/01/2026 17:45

This is weird, did she try to organise an earlier time and you suggested 6pm?

I’d be really annoyed but wouldn’t make her stay outside, I’d invite her in but ask her to entertain herself for a bit whilst I finished off some work.

runrunrun2026 · 24/01/2026 17:45

OMG, this is such a non event. Let her in and tell her you are busy until the agreed time. Do not, in all that is hospitable, leave your mate out in the car!