Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are all fathers creepy?

418 replies

Alex122022 · 24/01/2026 15:48

My experience in a different thread (on swimming pool changing room etiquette) has been quite interesting: there seems to be a widely shared opinion that all men are creeps and there are never any innocent explanations for their behaviour.

While I completely agree that a father in a women's changing room - especially when there are older girls - is inappropriate, I can easily see how this could happen without any ulterior motive. Be it simply ignorance or lack of judgement.

I experienced the same on playgrounds: playing hide & seek with my daughter? Mothers approach my DW and tell her that "a perv" is watching the children. Playing with DD - well meaning mothers asking her whether she is ok or needs help.

AIBU to think this is a bit excessive?

OP posts:
RedToothBrush · 24/01/2026 18:21

Alex122022 · 24/01/2026 18:19

I have the impression there are a lot of creeps here - or people who love to believe that other people are creeps. There also appear to be a lot of people who clearly struggle to entertain a disinterested discussion.

Show quote history

Its not a discussion though is it Alex?

Its you talked AT us.

RichardOnslowRoper · 24/01/2026 18:20

Reported thread.

WritingTheBook · 24/01/2026 18:19

EatYourDamnPie · 24/01/2026 18:16

She comes to the entrance , hands you the garment and says “get this in a smaller/bigger size dad”. For ease, it’s best to bring a couple of sizes with her anyway.

Show quote history

Imagine needing to be told that. 😂 And he apparently is in charge of an actual human. Poor child.

Original poster
Alex122022 · 24/01/2026 18:19

spannasaurus · 24/01/2026 18:17

Because you're a creep

Show quote history

I have the impression there are a lot of creeps here - or people who love to believe that other people are creeps. There also appear to be a lot of people who clearly struggle to entertain a disinterested discussion.

OP posts:
Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 24/01/2026 18:18

angelikacpickles · 24/01/2026 16:09

As far as I can see, the replies on that thread are not saying that all men are creepy, or even that the particular men in question are creepy. What they are saying is that those men are prioritising the safety and comfort of their own DDs, while entirely disregarding the comfort of other female children using the facilities. That may not be creepy but it is, at best, inconsiderate.

Show quote history

Nail on the head

WhoDecidedImAnAdultImNotQualified · 24/01/2026 18:18

Alex122022 · 24/01/2026 18:16

I think I leave it to my DD to decide what she wants or does not want. But I'm really impressed by your skills to twist an argument. Why should I want to try to get women to talk about "girls bodies changing"?

Show quote history

I could hazard a pretty good guess.

You tell me though, why are you doing that?

It's not up to your dd to invite you into women's spaces either. You'll just have to navigate clothes shopping the same way I did with my sons.

ContentedAlpaca · 24/01/2026 18:17

Op if you want to be a good father, model to her what is appropriate eg. respect her personal space to the hilt and stay out of her changing rooms.
Tell her she owes no man politeness and that she must trust her instincts. Being wrong just means a few hurt feelings that a good man should be capable of coping with Vs growing up with trauma or worse.

Owly11 · 24/01/2026 18:17

Oh dear!!!!!!!!!!! Faux naivety really is tiresome. Am I allowed to say fuck off or will my comment get deleted. Who cares, it needs to be said.

spannasaurus · 24/01/2026 18:17

Alex122022 · 24/01/2026 18:16

I think I leave it to my DD to decide what she wants or does not want. But I'm really impressed by your skills to twist an argument. Why should I want to try to get women to talk about "girls bodies changing"?

Show quote history

Because you're a creep

edwinbear · 24/01/2026 18:17

Decent men don’t even need to think about why it’s never appropriate for them to be anywhere near women’s changing rooms. It’s a completely alien concept to them. They just don’t do it, think about it, talk about it or make excuses why it’s different for them. It’s just not an option - at all, ever. Men who try to justify it are creeps. By definition.

EatYourDamnPie · 24/01/2026 18:16

Alex122022 · 24/01/2026 18:13

It's the "go back for a different size" that is my question. How do I get this into the cubicle?

Show quote history

She comes to the entrance , hands you the garment and says “get this in a smaller/bigger size dad”. For ease, it’s best to bring a couple of sizes with her anyway.

Alex122022 · 24/01/2026 18:16

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Alex122022 · 24/01/2026 18:16

WhoDecidedImAnAdultImNotQualified · 24/01/2026 18:12

You shouldn't be in women's changing areas.

You shouldn't be around your teen dd when she's changing.

You shouldn't be trying to look for excuses to be in there.

Just FYI your faux naivety of it's easy as my size doesn't really change - but I assume that's not the case for her looks like you're trying to get women to talk about girls bodies changing, which isn't helping you "But I'm a good guy" case at all.

Show quote history

I think I leave it to my DD to decide what she wants or does not want. But I'm really impressed by your skills to twist an argument. Why should I want to try to get women to talk about "girls bodies changing"?

OP posts:
RedToothBrush · 24/01/2026 18:15

Alex122022 · 24/01/2026 18:13

It's the "go back for a different size" that is my question. How do I get this into the cubicle?

Show quote history

How do I cope when I go shopping with DS?
Its a mystery.

I somehow manage to engage my brain. Thats how.

WhoDecidedImAnAdultImNotQualified · 24/01/2026 18:15

Alex122022 · 24/01/2026 18:13

It's the "go back for a different size" that is my question. How do I get this into the cubicle?

Show quote history

Stop looking for tips.

Zov · 24/01/2026 18:14

Alex122022 · 24/01/2026 18:04

I'm really sorry - but I have absolutely no experience of clothes shopping for women. For me, it's easy as my size doesn't really change - but I assume that's not the case for her.

Show quote history

So you are a man then?

BlackCrowKing · 24/01/2026 18:14

Alex122022 · 24/01/2026 16:54

There clearly is no hope - I assume you are a female INCEL?

Show quote history

Oh Alex! You jumped the shark. Not that your intent wasn’t obvious from the start.

Original poster
Alex122022 · 24/01/2026 18:13

EatYourDamnPie · 24/01/2026 18:10

It’s not exactly rocket science. Any decent father should have at least a vague idea of the clothes sizes of his child, especially if younger. An older girl/teen ,would know for herself. Just get that size, if unsure pick another one in a size bigger. Go back for a different size if needed. The older girl/teen can decide for herself if it’s a good fit. If need be, she can come to the door. DD is very private and I’m her mum, so that’s what we do.

Show quote history

It's the "go back for a different size" that is my question. How do I get this into the cubicle?

OP posts:
EatYourDamnPie · 24/01/2026 18:12

Anonomoso · 24/01/2026 18:05

Why are people saying they know what most men are like and making accusations that the OP is a predator to women?

Do you have them within your own family?
Do you also feel your own Grandfather's, Fathers, Uncles, Brothers, Husbands, Nephews....or even your own son's are predators to women and DC..

Well , my father is dead , but doubt it. My grandfather was a creep, so was my cousin, so was my (respectable, married , father of two) maths tutor, so were my classmates who were someone’s lovely sons.Ask me how I know…

WhoDecidedImAnAdultImNotQualified · 24/01/2026 18:12

Alex122022 · 24/01/2026 18:05

Not really - why should I?

Show quote history

You shouldn't be in women's changing areas.

You shouldn't be around your teen dd when she's changing.

You shouldn't be trying to look for excuses to be in there.

Just FYI your faux naivety of it's easy as my size doesn't really change - but I assume that's not the case for her looks like you're trying to get women to talk about girls bodies changing, which isn't helping you "But I'm a good guy" case at all.

Nezukokamado · 24/01/2026 18:10

Anonomoso · 24/01/2026 18:05

Why are people saying they know what most men are like and making accusations that the OP is a predator to women?

Do you have them within your own family?
Do you also feel your own Grandfather's, Fathers, Uncles, Brothers, Husbands, Nephews....or even your own son's are predators to women and DC..

Yes, I am aware that they may be behind closed doors. I mean, I know DH isn't, but I couldn't speak for any of the others and in fact I would be pretty sure that, although not predatory perhaps, the men in my family including my dad/uncles/grandad do/look at/think things that if I knew I would be fucking disgusted

EatYourDamnPie · 24/01/2026 18:10

Alex122022 · 24/01/2026 17:59

I didn't mean the changing but the logistics of getting different sizes etc.

Show quote history

It’s not exactly rocket science. Any decent father should have at least a vague idea of the clothes sizes of his child, especially if younger. An older girl/teen ,would know for herself. Just get that size, if unsure pick another one in a size bigger. Go back for a different size if needed. The older girl/teen can decide for herself if it’s a good fit. If need be, she can come to the door. DD is very private and I’m her mum, so that’s what we do.

spannasaurus · 24/01/2026 18:08

Anonomoso · 24/01/2026 18:05

Why are people saying they know what most men are like and making accusations that the OP is a predator to women?

Do you have them within your own family?
Do you also feel your own Grandfather's, Fathers, Uncles, Brothers, Husbands, Nephews....or even your own son's are predators to women and DC..

Predatory men may be fathers, husbands, uncles, brothers and sons

RedToothBrush · 24/01/2026 18:07

WhoDecidedImAnAdultImNotQualified · 24/01/2026 18:01

Again, why would you be loitering about your teen+ dd in the changing area?

Sounds to me like you're looking for excuses that you think are reasonable to be in women's spaces and using your poor dd to get there.

Show quote history

Yeah, this thread isnt getting any better on the creepy vibes is it?

Anonomoso · 24/01/2026 18:05

Why are people saying they know what most men are like and making accusations that the OP is a predator to women?

Do you have them within your own family?
Do you also feel your own Grandfather's, Fathers, Uncles, Brothers, Husbands, Nephews....or even your own son's are predators to women and DC..

Swipe left for the next trending thread