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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be really upset about how DH just spoke to me??

205 replies

Chimney1 · 24/01/2026 15:19

The backstory sounds a bit weird, but anyway!!

I got rid of our back doormat about 6 months ago. There isn’t really space for one by the door as it interferes with being able to push the stools out at our breakfast bar. The backdoor isn’t used much in winter anyway, and in summer, I’ll just deal with cleaning the area.

DH is upset about this as thinks we need the mat. Today, he was outside and came in the backdoor and stepped in something (fox poo we think) and walked it inside. DD noticed and I said “yuck” or something. I wasn’t saying that to him, just at the situation, if that makes sense.

DH went on a tirade about this is why we need a door mat. I explained that the doormat I got rid of would have been worse (jute material), as it would have been awful to clean. He was insistent that that’s what doormats are for and was really acting in a way I didn’t like. He said everyone on this planet would agree with him. I sort of laughed to try and keep it a jovial disagreement, to try to defuse things, and said that I didn’t agree. He then said “you’re such an idiot at times!!!!”

DH has never said something like this to me before. We have been married for 12 years. Although I didn’t really like how he was speaking to me last weekend either, just more forceful than usual with his point of view.

Im really upset. I don’t think I deserved that comment. Although DD had left the room, she may have still been in earshot. I said to DH “that’s a horrible way to speak to me. I don’t want to talk to you anymore.” He said something back, which I now can’t remember. AIBU?

OP posts:
Namechangeyname · 24/01/2026 19:06

PrincessofWells · 24/01/2026 15:48

He's an arse for not taking his shoes off before entering the house, for walking in fox poo and not noticing, for being rude by calling you an idiot, for not putting his children's safety first over having a doormat, and for thinking wiping his feet on a doormat would have avoided treading poo into the house. It wouldn't.

This!

Gabbycat245 · 24/01/2026 18:41

We have the same set up. I agree it would have been way worse with the mat and I would be fuming if DH spoke to me like that. Clearly there's something going on here if you noticed his behaviour towards you last weekend too.

usedtobeaylis · 24/01/2026 18:28

YANBU. Its a shock to be spoken to in a way you're not usually. And over something where you're trying to make something practical and everyday a little bit easier. Something that you clearly have more insight to than he does. People on here are so fucking weird at times. YANBU to be shocked.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 24/01/2026 18:23

JanuaryJasmine · 24/01/2026 18:17

Well if you'd rather risk the kids face planting the counter than a grown man simply removing his shoes at the door, that's your choice I suppose. Frankly I'd rather get the adult to remove their shoes than children hurting themselves & potentially causing a lifetime of dental problems.

Or they could get an outdoor mat, or one that’s thin enough to go under the stools as suggested. It doesn’t need to be dramatic

JanuaryJasmine · 24/01/2026 18:17

Boomer55 · 24/01/2026 16:04

I did. Comment stands 👍

Well if you'd rather risk the kids face planting the counter than a grown man simply removing his shoes at the door, that's your choice I suppose. Frankly I'd rather get the adult to remove their shoes than children hurting themselves & potentially causing a lifetime of dental problems.

Jane143 · 24/01/2026 18:07

AdaDex · 24/01/2026 17:42

You're also having trouble with fox stools............so there's that

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😀

Jane143 · 24/01/2026 18:07

YorkshirePuddingsGreatestFan · 24/01/2026 16:52

Yes I've got children and dogs, so I've washed poo stained stuff in the washing machine loads of times.

My solution works for me. Sorry it's a "no brainer" for you but the OP might find it helpful.

I agree. When I wash stuff like this I just add some Dettol laundry sanitizer or supermarket equivalent

diddl · 24/01/2026 17:48

Did tread fox poo further than where the mat would have been?

Would a mat really have "caught" it all?

Happyjoe · 24/01/2026 17:43

No shoes in the house rule.
Problem sorted.

All that, pretty much over nothing tbh! Your hubby needs a hobby.

AdaDex · 24/01/2026 17:42

Chimney1 · 24/01/2026 15:22

The kids were having trouble with the stools due to the mat. They were sliding there stools in by leaning forward onto the two front legs and pulling forward. (Hard to describe - sorry!) It was only a matter of time before one of them was going to fall forwards and hurt themselves.

You're also having trouble with fox stools............so there's that

Hereforthecommentz · 24/01/2026 17:29

It's a non issue. He was probably pissed off he had fox poo on his shoes, you annoyed him, he snapped but it's not really a harsh insult. If this is the first time in 12 years that's a bloody good marriage. We've called each other all sorts over the 22 years, people say things in the moment its not a big deal. Just move on!

2026NewTricks · 24/01/2026 17:26

It does sound like you didn’t want the mat and he did. You got rid of it. End of discussion.

Maybe this is one example of many he could give.

Furlane · 24/01/2026 17:23

Get a metal bootscraper. It can go on the grass by the back door.

AltitudeCheck · 24/01/2026 17:18

A useful reply when someone says something mean is to respond with a question that starts 'Did you mean for that to...' hurt my feelings / make me feel small / sound aggressive?'.

It reflects back to them what they said and gives them an opportunity to say sorry or reword. If they double down and say 'yes' then simply say 'thank you for showing me what kind of person you are' and move on. Jefferson Fisher has a great podcast on this, and also how to observe but not absorb other people's bad moods/ unkind words.

IPM · 24/01/2026 17:14

WalkDontWalk · 24/01/2026 16:59

......this is a very MN post.

"Not sure I can see a legit way of making this the husband's fault from the outset, so I'll introduce some plot that makes that easier."

Another post actually trumped that one by bringing sex into it! 😁

MrFluffyDogIsMyBestFriend · 24/01/2026 17:09

I'm not sure how things would be much different if he'd quickly wiped his feet on a mat. That wouldn't remove fox poo and you'd have a smelly mat and smelly floors.

crystalcarringt0n · 24/01/2026 17:09

Get a made to measure washable mat- not expensive and can be narrow. Not really the point I know…

Grammarnut · 24/01/2026 17:09

Chimney1 · 24/01/2026 15:22

The kids were having trouble with the stools due to the mat. They were sliding there stools in by leaning forward onto the two front legs and pulling forward. (Hard to describe - sorry!) It was only a matter of time before one of them was going to fall forwards and hurt themselves.

Tell them to stop tipping the stools - bad for the stools apart from anything else!

Grammarnut · 24/01/2026 17:06

First post nails it. Get an outside doormat for scraping boots on.

Proccy · 24/01/2026 17:03

Is it actually about what he said, or how he said it - given that you said he'd been forceful the previous weekend? I certainly don't think you're being extremely unfair, depending on context and frequency

WalkDontWalk · 24/01/2026 16:59

TemporarilyCantDoMyself · 24/01/2026 15:28

I may have misunderstood but it sounds to me that he deliberately walked the fox poo in in order to get at you again about the mat.
Is that right? If it is, I totally get why you're upset, @Chimney1 . It's not pleasant and it's aggressive and he set you up because he's already angry with you.

......this is a very MN post.

"Not sure I can see a legit way of making this the husband's fault from the outset, so I'll introduce some plot that makes that easier."

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 24/01/2026 16:57

You are right about the fox poo being much worse on a mat. It's easier to clean on a tiled/vinyl/wood floor.
He's been a prat

IPM · 24/01/2026 16:54

LowdermilkPark · 24/01/2026 16:50

It’s just a silly domestic squabble. We don’t call each other names, never have, so I get that was upsetting. But it’s not worth a protracted period of offence. Hope he apologises.

It's not name calling though is it?

Everyone can be such an idiot at times and he was pointing out that she was at this time, for laughing at him and getting rid of the mat.

He was also an idiot at this time for not checking his shoes before he came in.

Oobalooba · 24/01/2026 16:54

Did you ask him before throwing out the doormat? Sometimes my OH throws things out / changes things that he doesn't find useful but I do and I hate it. Now he (usually) knows to ask me first!

YorkshirePuddingsGreatestFan · 24/01/2026 16:52

JanuaryJasmine · 24/01/2026 16:03

First time in 6 months, not having a mat has potentially caused an issue v rolling up a mat everytime the kids use the stools (meals/homework/chatting whatever) it's a no brainer for me.

then would you be wanting to wash a mat with fix poo trodden in, in the washing machine? I'd rather just clean the hard flour.

Dickhead could just remove his shoes as he steps inside.

Yes I've got children and dogs, so I've washed poo stained stuff in the washing machine loads of times.

My solution works for me. Sorry it's a "no brainer" for you but the OP might find it helpful.

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