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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Sahw.

55 replies

Alice19876 · 24/01/2026 13:06

I don't know if I'm in the wrong so I really need some advice. My children are 8 and 9 since they were 15 months apart I left my job to raise them full time and planned on going back working when they started school full term.
well obviously that didn't happen as my husbands job isn't flexible to help get the children and on weekends he sometimes works for an hour or two. We have no support system.
Recently I've felt so overwhelmed with life.
The only way my husband contributes to the house is paying for everything which I'm very very grateful for but that's it.
i do everything for everyone, he wouldn't even make me a coffee last Sunday because 'it's my job' while I was decorating our sons room.
christmas has just been I created the 'magic' we agreed Christmas we will spend £20 on each other ( I sold stuff on Vinted for his little gift)
he forgot to buy me anything as I didn't cross his mind. thats his words.
i cook every meal scratch as he doesn't like processed food ,wash, sort out our daughters adhd assessments and appointments, iron and even the mental loud of how a house should run.
but I feel asif no one helps me.
on the evenings he's either on his phone I try to talk and he pretends he doesn't hear so I take myself to bed early most nights to read a book, then he will come upstairs demanding a back rub and if I say no then I'm basically not a good wife who doesn't look after his needs.

sorry for this long rant.
i wish i had my own money to leave.
but should i just stick with it? Because i know during this economy many woman also have to work and do the mental load on top.
i just feel like a single married mother at her breaking point.

OP posts:
snowdrop75 · 24/01/2026 13:23

What a twat. I'd be leaving in a heartbeat. Back rubs? Pmsl
what's this the 1950's?

Furlane · 24/01/2026 13:19

I would look for regular full time work. You won’t be able to run a household on school hours. Paying for kids clubs is a joint responsibility so it shouldn’t all come out of your wages.

Alice19876 · 24/01/2026 13:16

Catza · 24/01/2026 13:13

Ultimately, it's your choice. Personally. I would rather be a working single mother because absolutely nothing is worse than living with someone who doesn't love you or respects you.
How you are going to make it work practically...that's where you need to consult a lawyer to see what the divorce settlement is likely to be. Ultimately, your kids are at school during the day so you could work part time at the very least. Yes, you will still have a mental and physical load of looking after your kids but you won't have a mental load of looking after your husband. I would much rather work than be a slave to a man who doesn't give a shit about my wellbeing.

Yes I have been looking for jobs in school hours for the time moment! So far nothing as of yet! Haven't told my husband yet because I don't think it will go down well.. but I have been actively searching

OP posts:
Catza · 24/01/2026 13:13

Ultimately, it's your choice. Personally. I would rather be a working single mother because absolutely nothing is worse than living with someone who doesn't love you or respects you.
How you are going to make it work practically...that's where you need to consult a lawyer to see what the divorce settlement is likely to be. Ultimately, your kids are at school during the day so you could work part time at the very least. Yes, you will still have a mental and physical load of looking after your kids but you won't have a mental load of looking after your husband. I would much rather work than be a slave to a man who doesn't give a shit about my wellbeing.

Furlane · 24/01/2026 13:11

No they don’t. The women I know work full time and share house and child responsibilities. Doesn’t sound like that will happen with you though as your husband sounds like a selfish misogynist prick. I would look for a job, use breakfast and afterschool clubs, stop cooking and cleaning for him. Get used to the new routine and leave. Life would be so much easier for you without him (as well as stopping the terrible example he’s making for your children). But first you need some income.