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Original poster

Elder daughter father giving rules about my younger kids

560 replies

Dazedandconfusec · 24/01/2026 12:04

My elder daughter is 12 and Grade 5 piano and flute and began guitar in an afterschool club at school last year. She gave up violin when the teacher moved house but still has two violins which she occasionally gets out.

My ex has facilitated her music and has bought all of the instruments and paid for lessons but I obviously had to facilitate the lessons for flute; the piano teacher comes to the house.

My younger daughter elder daughter’s half sister, has now started piano at school. Elder daughter has locked piano as her dad has instructed that my younger children cannot use the piano or have use of the other instruments.

OP posts:
Duveet · 24/01/2026 12:14

It is in YOUR house.
It needs to be removed from YOUR property if it cannot be used.
Do not tolerate this.
It is Coercive control and you can report him to the police.
Do not allow your elder daughter to turn into her father.
Be very very firm with her, that YOU are the boss of YOUR home, not her arsehole father.
Take this very seriously.

Bruisername · 24/01/2026 12:12

I can understand the ‘individual’ instruments - I would not have my dd share her oboe for example

but the piano is odd. I would be telling him to collect it and get your own - you can get a hire to buy for example or an electric with weighted keys. Sounds like you hate going to have to get one for your youngest anyway and you don’t need two pianos in the house!!!

don’t let him control you

jamandcustard · 24/01/2026 12:12

pottylolly · 24/01/2026 12:09

I think it’s fair enough if he bought them. Have you asked about buying the piano & other instruments from him?

Edited

Oh, don't be silly. He bought them for his daughter - he doesn't get to dictate what she does with them anymore Hmm

Livelovelaughfuckoff · 24/01/2026 12:10

Tell him he will need to house the piano and facilitate the lessons from now on. He sounds like a tedious knob.

WimpoleHat · 24/01/2026 12:10

*her dad has instructed that my younger children cannot use the piano or have use of other instruments”

I think I’d tell him that, in that case, the piano and piano teacher must be exclusively at his house. A violin that your older DD keeps in her room can reasonably be “hers”; a piano is a bloody big thing which takes up a lot of space! As long as your younger children aren’t monopolising/stopping your elder DD from practising, it’s unreasonable to say it can’t be used by anyone else and certainly not on to have it locked when it’s taking up significant space in the family home.

Nopayrise · 24/01/2026 12:10

Piano goes to his house and he facilitates lessons on his time - you buy piano / keyboard for both kids to use
or anyone in your house can use piano

Teacaketravesty · 24/01/2026 12:10

pottylolly · 24/01/2026 12:09

I think it’s fair enough if he bought them. Have you asked about buying the piano & other instruments from him?

Edited

This is mad.

pottylolly · 24/01/2026 12:09

I think it’s fair enough if he bought them. Have you asked about buying the piano & other instruments from him?

Mirabellas · 24/01/2026 12:08

He’s putting his daughter in a terrible position asking her to lock the piano. Firstly the piano would be getting unlocked by me, secondly if he wasn’t going to allow it to be used by others in the family he’d be collecting it and I’d buy my own. Vile excuse for a father.

dicentra365 · 24/01/2026 12:08

I mean thats very petty and poor parenting to put your elder dd in the middle. I think you need to discuss this directly with him though and reach a solution. Any triangulation where you put pressure on her or she has to lie to him would be unreasonable.