Elder daughter father giving rules about my younger kids

Yeah. I have younger siblings and was made to share fucking everything and sometimes it drove me mental tbh

The piano goes to his house. Your DD plays it there. No one else will touch it.
You buy another piano that all can use for your house.

Grade 5 piano at the age of 12 is not exactly the sign of someone who will become a professional pianist to be honest. (for context I was grade 5 by the age of 12 and was definitely not any sort of maestro!) Google it if you don't believe me. Edited to add, having re read it, I assume she is working towards grade 5, so that is not even as far advanced as I was!

So why bother with an amazing piano? Just get a "normal" one. Or even better, get a Yamaha keyboard for the other kids (one of the touch sensitive ones) and they will have far more fun with it, and it is much easier to store. And make sure that the elder daughter is allowed to use and and to have fun when she plays it, as well as practice her scales on the "special" piano ...

This was my first thought. She's 12 and she probably doesn't actually want her things being used by her much younger siblings who likely won't look after them. I think if she wants to keep it locked then that's a reasonable expectation.

What are you hoping for from this thread, @Dazedandconfusec?

an ex doesn't get to dictate wheat happens in the form home or home of the other parent in this way - its not acceptable unless it means harm to the child/ren in some way

How would he like it if you dictate what happens in his home?

I think you need to sit down with your eldest and discuss the implication of trying to cause division over items in the family that are surely commonly owned as family items

There is a division though - Your DD has a different father. Sharing should always be in context - she doesn't have to share anything/everything she owns as inconvenient that is for her sisters, whether half or not.

Provided your younger children are treating the piano and other instruments with respect I find this breathtakingly mean behaviour.

I think all children should have access to learning musical instruments.

I must say I did used to get upset when my son was very young that some of his friends visiting our home for whom a piano and our other musical instruments were a novelty and had no knowledge on how to treat them were less than careful. And I use to have to stop them using them as play things

But honestly I think this man trying to stand in the way of your other children having the wonderful experience of learning musical instruments is the epitome of mean spirit.

Hmm … It sounds as if you yourself are still in awe of your ex. This is not good for any of your children; they need to know that you are in charge of your household.

As he is such a great guy I can safely unwatch this thread.

Out of interest. What does your daughter actually want? Is she regretful about locking it and feeling bad about it? Or is it “her”’ piano and she doesn’t particularly want to share it?

I get that you're probably proud of the type of piano and don't want a standard upright OP. However this isn't fair and stuff like pianos are for communal use, it's not like a smaller instrument that is more personal.

You need to make a stand on it. Either you give him the money for the piano or you make him take it for his own house and buy another one.

@Dazedandconfusec your oldest daughter is old enough to understand why the current piano has to go , tell him to come and collect it and get a family one

He will just have to put it in storage so you can get one all your children can play. There is no space in anyone’s house for a special piano only one child is allowed to touch, don’t let him make you be a bad parent, which is what you would be in doing in going along with these double standards for your children.

tell dd you won’t be having these discussions with her and nor should her dad but as a parent you cannot allow a whole piano that only one child can play, so you will explain to her dad that you need to change the pianos. Message him you will be transporting it to storage in two weeks to make space for a piano all your children can play, he’s welcome to pay to have it moved to his house, and having told your dd to lock the piano in her mums house against her siblings is damaging parenting he should be ashamed of.
having siblings has also enriched your dds life.

Tell him you need to hand the piano removed from your home and then buy a piano that all the children can use.
By doing this your older daughter is not stuck in the middle of this and your younger daughter isn’t made to feel like she’s doing something wrong for existing.

And he is abusive. This is abusive and controlling behaviour towards your older daughter. And you.

Edited to add: what an arse!!!!

You are being weak - it is him who is punishing your daughter if he won’t let them share it. Make that very clear to both of them. Having two pianos in the room is ridiculous

A piano is as much a piece of furniture as it is an instrument and no one has more than one in their living room, that is completely and utterly insane. If he’s going to be so weird about it then I would propose that you buy the piano off him so it becomes your family piano or he arranges removal of the piano by x date and then you buy your own.

How old is the younger one and would she be careful/take the care of the instrument seriously? I agree that it needs to be discussed between you and your ex.

Tell him to collect it and remove it from the house and then get a second hand one.

what an arsehole

I agree the the comments that if he is not going to allow use, he does not put his daughter in the middle, the instruments are removed to his house and he facilitates the lessons etc for your joint daughter

then you get a keyboard for use at your house by everyone

Tell him that you are replacing the piano with your own so that all the children can use it and give him x weeks to remove it.

How would he even know? What consequences are there if he did know?

If your dd is happy sharing with her siblings then she can do what she wants with her own things.

Why should she? They can stay in his house if he’s possessive about it. As I said upthread, it’s one thing with a violin or a clarinet or oboe that is more “personal” and can be stored in a case in the girl’s own room. But - unless the OP lives in a huge house - the fact that there is a piano there prevents her from getting another piano for her other children to use, because she’s unlikely to have the space. So in that sense, the piano being in her house is an imposition on the family and it’s not on to insist it is for her sole use.

Still trying to control you? What a prince. Tell him your house your rules.