Elder daughter father giving rules about my younger kids

Having two pianos would be ridiculous. Give ex a choice:

1. Every child in your house who learns piano can use the piano for their lessons/practice.
2. If he doesn't agree to that, you tell him he has until a certain date to collect the piano or you will sell it and buy another which is a family piano.

Explain to daughter that it is not reasonable for you to have two pianos cluttering up your house. She must realise that. If she wants to keep it to herself she needs to either have it at her dad's house or in her own room.

Violins etc are quite different and can be kept in child's own room and not shared.
Why is your ex trying to dictate what happens in YOUR home?

If the piano is in your house, you make the rules about it. If he wants to make the rules, he has it in his house. End of story.

He has gifted it to his daughter, therefore he doesn't make the rules anymore. If he's claiming it still belongs to him.. well.. it should be in his house then.

I don’t have an ex.

AS a PP said would you have two trampolines? It’s buying a piano for his daughter not his ex.

A couple of people have said that the piano should be put in the daughter’s room. If the OP lives the way most people in the UK do, the bedrooms will be upstairs. I cannot tell you what a massive pain in the arse getting a piano up a flight of stairs would be - my staircase would be too narrow to even consider it.

Size doesn't change something into communal property. The OP can agree to have the piano in her house or not. If she agrees it can be there then she should respect ownership and consent.

Well that’s her choice - but the idea of having two pianos in one room is completely absurd!!

she is doing a disservice to all her kids if she does tbh

my youngest started piano at 4 and we got a piano and she was the only person using it. A few years later my son started and she was excited to share and show him what she knew etc etc.

Would you buy a communal piano for your ex’s house? Really?

Just buy a key? Won't be a special individual key or is it an electronic piano with some kind of code (which prob6 an be over ridden). Piano key is anywhere from 1.99 to 6.99 acc to Google. Is he going to come and take away your key??

Is anyone arguing she has to keep it in the communal area?

She doesn't want the gift kept at her child's father's house though...

Your ex is being ridiculous.

Move piano to DCs bedroom or piano goes to dads and you buy one for the family to use.

This would annoy me so much, a piano is too big to only be allowed to be used by one person in the family.

And the mother is not obliged to keep the gift in a communal area and can insist it be kept at the fathers

The would if it was gift from that child's father. The father has no obligation to buy communal use gifts for children that are not living with him and otherwise have nothing to do with him. A musical instrument is for that person. The fact the family is blended is relevant here for all of the reasons I have explained.

The dad is damaging his daughter by trying to create a wedge with his half siblings.

she has two homes - she can keep the gift in the one with no siblings if she doesn’t want to share it.

as pp said - if the dad bought her a play house or a big trampoline would the OP have to buy second ones for the siblings? If her husband bought a piano for his kid would it be fair for him to stop her daughter using it? he needs to keep the large gifts that can’t be put in her room and mean the family can’t get their own

she lives in a family home and he is actively discouraging her from acting like a family member

the piano is actually irrelevant in all this tbh - it’s what it signifies

because no-one and i mean NO-ONE would tell someone a piano in their home was for one persons use.

That is absolute bullshit, and you know it is.

Agree. But that's not the route the OP has gone down. It's the Ex controlling narrative because the new children can't use what the ex buys for his daughter.

Nobody seems to be thinking about the harm being done to the OP’s daughter.
The piano was a gift from her father to her. It was not a household gift bought by the OP for all the children to share if they decided to learn. That matters
then it needs moving to her bedroom so that the family can have a family piano in the family room .

Thats the answer

Nobody seems to be thinking about the harm being done to the OP’s daughter. The piano was a gift from her father to her. It was not a household gift bought by the OP for all the children to share if they decided to learn. That matters.

More importantly, if this was reversed and the OP was complaining that her daughter was being forced to share gifts she had bought with half-siblings at her ex’s house, people would be up in arms. They would be talking about disrespected boundaries, forced blending, and adults prioritising new relationships over existing children who had no say in the changes.

Having half-siblings does not mean a child’s rights to ownership, boundaries, and consent should be trampled over, especially not at 12 years old. At that age, children are fully capable of understanding what belongs to them and of having those boundaries respected. It’s also well established that children of divorce and separation often attach more emotional importance to possessions, because those items provide stability, continuity, and a sense of control when so much else has changed.

The father bought his daughter a good piano because she is Grade 5 ( a great grade for that age) and needs an instrument to practice. When the issue arose, the stepfather even suggested buying another piano for the younger children - a perfectly reasonable solution - and the OP refused. Insisting that the younger children use the daughter’s piano isn’t about fairness or generosity. It’s about the OPs convenience at the daughter’s expense.

Its not the OP's father that is being controlling here, it is to OP by trying to force her daughter to share gifts from her father. The fact the piano is in the OP's house doesn't change who owns it or why is was bought.

Oh come on OP.. fucking grow a pair.

Why are you even entertaining this bullshit in YOUR home for more than a moment of thought?

Either tell him to fuck off, or fuck the piano off out of your house to his house and let your husband get one they can both use.

What’s your solution then?

Are you entirely sure this is being driven by your ex and not a cheesed off near teenager who doesn’t want to be forced to share something she considers hers? Does she have to share anything else with the younger ones?

Can you pay him for the piano? Ask to buy it from him?

I would have to send it over to his and buy a new one - there's no way that I would be letting him use my house to store his items.

Is the problem that you wouldn't be able to afford such a nice one?

He lost all authority when he said that a sibling, even a half-sibling, had compromised his daughter’s life rather than added to it. He see his child as a project to be worked on and perfected, requiring your sole attention and all your resources. Yuck. What a way to miss the point.

Locking the piano is unsurprising when he sees your youngest in this way. You have to wonder what else he’s telling his child about her half-sister.

I don’t know what to suggest. It’s a stupid and pathetic situation your ex has created. There’s no solution that isn’t going to breed division or resentment in one or both children. What an awful man.

ETA: the only card you hold is that the piano is in your house. Ask him to remove it to his house. He can have the instrument he bought for his child in his house. You buy a piano for your house, that both children can use. It’ll be yours. What a pathetic man he is.