Elder daughter father giving rules about my younger kids

Lots of quality electronic pianos on eBay. A lovely 88 key Yamaha electric grand on there £363
No need to spend crazy money

Electric pianos are excellent. Plus headphones! All my kids got through all the grades on one. Their exams were on a grand and they could move between the two well enough.

Jesus you can’t be serious.

Your ex has two choices. Either the piano he bought stays in your house for all the children to use; or else the piano moves to one of his houses for his daughter's sole use and you and DH buy an inexpensive electronic piano for all your children to use. You could offer to buy the piano from him, if you want it and can afford it, but otherwise if he wont allow sharing then he can take it back.

Having siblings is beneficial to your DD. It sounds as if your ex has never learned the benefits of sharing.

Neither your ex-husband nor your eldest DD get to make the rules in your house.

I dont think keyboards are inferior at all...quite the reverse. Especially for composing.
I do think its selfish of anyone to expect a whole household to listen to hours of practice on an acoustic piano though..

A full sized keyboard is an amazing instrument and has the joyous feature of working with headphones. Two or more kids attempting to play acoustic keyboards at the same time in one house...its only going to end in fighting.
You could even "sample" the "amazing piano" and get the keyboard to mirror its sound.

Sharing is the name of the game in families as far as I am concerned. Shared spaces are Shared. Personal/special in their own bedroom space. We all have to learn this is how a community works.

What a tosspot. I don't know what the hell he thinks this will teach his daughter. Locking the piano fgs. 🙄

Agree with other posters, move it into his house.

So you are going to treat your younger daughter as a second class citizen in her own home to appease your older daughter . Whichever way you look at this unless everyone shares you are going to be treating one child differently to another , it may not bother your younger children now but years down the line it may well .

I think you've come to a good solution. The piano is a giant symbol, but it's about more than the piano.

If it is only for her use then it goes in her room. If it doesn't fit or it is not practicable and goes in general family area then it is for family use.

OP, once your other children are respectful of the piano, there is no issue.

My 4 children have completed all their gradings on our beautiful piano and they have friends that come in an have a go on it.

It is not made of china, it cannot be easily damaged.

Once everyone is respectful there is NO issue.

As for having two pianos in a house because your Ex won't allow it?

If you want anyone who hears/sees this, to think you are both utterly wet and weak, definitely turn your house into a music shop🙄.

Stop being weak. Stand firm and tell him the piano is a shared item, or it's going.

You can't wear out a piano FFS.

I think OP really needs to look at the family dynamics going on here.

She wants to use a very expensive special gift from her eldest's dad to her for family use. Her ex has already approached her about how her having another family has negatively affected eldest. I remember the wedding thread. This is not a well blended family, there's fault lines, not of OP's doing and she's resisted that until now, but OP has to realize that taking her daughter's piano and making it a communal family thing is just another fracture. Too many of those and the structure breaks.

He sees her often, they have a good and close relationship but and I have to confess I am delighted, that he can’t have her 50:50 as I want her with me.

It’s hard not to notice the satisfaction here. Is this about your daughter or your ex DH?

Nothing says 'I love you' likes forcing your 12 year old daughter to share gifts from her father, which will have sentimental value. But don't let the research that shows that ownership is important to children from broken relationships. Lets make the DH a straw man and burn him, the controlling arse!🙄

I think you have been really unlucky OP. You have an ex DH and a DH problem. How dare your current DH suggest you get a second piano! All the men in your life sound so unreasonable... Love and prayers💐

Dad has possibly stepped in after she has said something about it to him.

Children complain about their siblings all the time, though.

It’s completely normal.

What isn’t normal is reinforcing those complaints, and driving a wedge between siblings.

Would you think it was okay if the OP’s husband bought their daughter a puppy. Would you be encouraging the OP to make it clear to her eldest daughter that the puppy belongs to the youngest, and just because it lives in the home, doesn’t mean it’s okay for the eldest to pet, play or interact with it?

Would you consider it very important that the younger sibling could trust OP “had their back” when it comes to her eldest daughter, otherwise, the OP’s husband could just vote with his feet and leave with the younger daughter.

Unless daughter has a room with joists that can take the weight of a piano, it is usual to have the piano on the ground floor, thus in shared/communal living space. Piano installers are often reluctant to deliver to upstairs in domestic premises also because staircases are often not wide enough.

Plus OP may be referencing in baby-grand (which is seriously bloody overkill for a 12yo who is only grade 5…) so, again, unlikely to be able to accommodate it in a bedroom.

All of this. He’s trying to drive a wedge between siblings. Absolute knob

I see how this could be an if issue it’s a really nice piano and not easy or cheap to replace with a communal family piano.
So one solution that might work would be for your husband to buy his girls a decent electric piano. Kawai and Yamaha make decent models for about 1000 pounds. They aren’t keyboards. They are full size electric piano with weighted keys. The sound and feel are not comparable to an excellent acoustic but they are nicer than a cheap old difficult to keep in tune acoustic and they have the big advantage of being relatively portable and you can play them with headphones. Both of those things mean your eldest daughter might like to borrow her younger sisters’ piano from time to time which could be negotiated for by letting her sisters also play her lovely acoustic from time to time.
Your ex is being awful about the piano btw. It’s one thing to say small children aren’t allowed to bang around a nice piano, but quite another to refuse that anyone else in the house ever plays it correctly. A piano cannot be broken by a supervised child playing it as intended. It just can’t. There is nothing you can accidentally do to a piano while sitting on a stool and playing it with you fingers that will break it. And pianos do not go out of tune more quickly because a kid is playing it for an additional 15-30 minutes per day on top of an older child practicing for 30-60 minutes.

Nobody seems to be thinking about the harm being done to the OP’s daughter. The piano was a gift from her father to her. It was not a household gift bought by the OP for all the children to share if they decided to learn. That matters.

The only harm being done to the OP’s daughter is the division being driven betweeen her and her siblings, by her father.

That is far more damaging to her than her little sister having a 30 minute lesson twice a week on her piano.

Which would be standard in any other family.

Its not the OP's father that is being controlling here, it is to OP by trying to force her daughter to share gifts from her father. The fact the piano is in the OP's house doesn't change who owns it or why is was bought.

Trying to frame it in this way is really sinister of you, and peak gaslighting.

The OP needs to think about ALL her children, as any other parent does.

The fact is that the eldest DD is part of a family and this is how families work.

There is no other situation I can think of where a child, in a multi sibling household, would have a piano for their sole use.

Or where a child, in a multi sibling household, would have a tampoline for their sole use.

Or where a child, in a multi sibling household, would have a playhouse for their sole use.

Or where a child, in a multi sibling household, would have a puppy solely for them - with no other children being allowed to touch it.

Regardless of who bought the item.

THAT is what is damaging to children. The OP’s daughter is old enough to understand.

Let her have her piano without making a fuss over it. Make it clear that the piano is hers and just because it's in their home it doesn't make it theirs to use. She needs to be able to trust that you have her back when it comes to her younger siblings using her things, especially a treasured gift from her father.

Buy younger sib a keyboard to learn on.

Dad has possibly stepped in after she has said something about it to him.

She's 12. She's getting to the age where she will be able to fend for herself while her dad works and she can vote with her feet as to where she wants to live.

Should it be communal property if it cant bet moved upstairs. The OPs daughter will remember how she was treated in this blended family.