Teen boys expensive taste in clothes!

I thought benefits only paid enough for food and basic things. Why would expensive Chavy tracksuits even be on your radar? If you want your son to have the things he wants and you feel like you’re failing him then you need to get a job. Work when the children are with their father?

My two ds 12 and 16 wouldn't expect me or even ask me to buy expensive clothes. They are just not brought up that way. You need to tell him about what you are using your limited income on @SixSeven67 because he sounds very entitled tbh.

‘I’m not working so the money I have is for food and basic clothes. I can’t afford to buy you the clothes you want so we’ll go to primark etc and you can choose some basics from there’s
Thats what I would say to him .
Or here’s your ? budget for clothes buy what you want or save it for something??
You can’t afford expensive clothes if you don’t have a job! Is he having a laugh?

My DS of a similar age has similar tastes. Montirex and Trailberg are his favourite brands. I agree they’re expensive but you can get some absolute bargains on Vinted and as my DH pointed out if you sell other things on there buying things is effectively free. Utilising sales and things can reduce the prices a lot, blue light has 20% of Montirex too. I disagree when people say they don’t need nice tracksuits, it’s basically all my DS wears and having 3 of them he gets incredible wear from them.

Mine have expensive taste too! Firstly they ask for it for birthdays and xmas, and ask extended family for money towards it, part time job when old enough, use ebay and vinted and set alerts with their favourite brands for sales. They will also mix and match for example just getting the expensive hoody but with cheaper nike (from sports direct) joggers or wearing the short sleezed designer t-shirt over a primark basics plain long sleeve top, for example. TK maxx can be good especially for bags, belts and baseball caps, and H&M are good for jeans that they are happy to wear with a branded t-shirt for example.

Lastly they are allowed to freely move stuff between houses - no point having 2 lots of the same expensive stuff imo.

Appreciate what others are saying that you dont have to provide it but it is possible to find a happy medium, and fashion is important to their identity so i understand the dilemma

He is old enough to bring his clothes back with him

Leave him to work it out for himself. Maybe show him where to buy them and get him to work out how long he will have to save for. Tell him how many meals, how much gas, electricity one would buy for the whole family

Get hi. To ask his dad for one for his birthday

It isn't a phase, it's a want and its a good lesson to learn

If he wants labels he can work and pay for his own. He sounds very entitled!

My mum was on benefits and a single parent so I worked. Got my first paper round at 12 to buy a flute and then started working in the shop at 14. I used to like using Lancome skincare. No way my mum would have been able to pay for that, nor would I expect her too. I bought all my own clothes too (well, not underwear or school uniforms). She used to buy Primark clothes because it was what she could afford, and back then Primark had horrible clothes, so I just worked to buy what I wanted.

You're an unemployed single mum of 3 - you can't afford to kit your children out in £90 tracksuits.
Sounds like your son needs a quick lesson in household budgets.

It was for Christmas and is a reasonable amount to spend on a teenager at Christmas.

While that's good for DS to learn that money comes with hard work, it doesn't change the fact that the OP still would have to fork out money towards the clothes that she can't afford.

OP, just tell him that you can't afford expensive clothes. Give him the choice of a cheaper tracksuit, or offer to put the same amount towards a more expensive one, and he pays the difference. If he moans that he can't afford it, then he'll be learning that designer things cost money, and if you don't have the money, you can't have the designer things.

You are getting too upset over this and burying your head in the sand to a degree. He's 14. Just sit him down and explain fiscal realities to him. Use an app or a spreadsheet. You are doing both of you a disservice by not being honest about the situation. Children are often entitled until we teach them not to be.

learning early that you have to save for thinfs you want is a good thing.

teaching that you can put stuff on credit cards and then struggle with debt isn’t.

buy what you can afford. otherwise he will be wantimg the dear stuff as he doesn’t understand about bills and wages etc as he has none. just say no.

And dad should also buy. it’s not just on you as you have your son more often. you’d son needs to learn that if he leaves stuff at his dads no more will be forthcoming at yours, hes a chancer. tell him to bring stuff home. it’s not about who bought it or whose house it’s on it’s about him having the stuff he NEEDS on the days he needs it snd having a few things that he WANTS.

Can you compromise with a trade off? He helps out with chores at home and for every chore you put a bit towards the clothes.

Why can’t the clothes stay with the child?

What’s the point in having a heap of expensive clothes in another house not being worn?

If teenage son is old enough to want designer tracksuits then he can negotiate with his dad to let him take his clothes with him.

With teens, it's far more effective to enable them to learn first hand through natural consequences because at that age their friends' thoughts and opinions matter more to them that their parents'. A stand off is in nobody's interests, because our job is to prepare them for the reality of adulthood.

Teen wants expensive trainers > give them the option of second hand branded or saving and paying for their own out of birthday money. Teen chooses paying for their own pair of £100 trainers > teen grows out of trainers within a month or two > teen learns that this isn't an efficient or effective use of money > lesson learned. Compromise: I'll buy you branded if you can find it second hand for no more than x amount.

Everyone is happy.

Tell him to get a paper round or find some way of brining in his own money then.

He doesnt need 3 nice tracksuits.

This. In fact, you're parenting poorly - even if you're rich - if you keep saying yes.

You are allowed to say no to your children.

Vinted. If he wants brand new he saves for it. That's the rule in our house. 15yo ds has very quickly learned that his money goes much further if he buys second hand. He learned this by buying brand new Nike Jordan trainers that he grew out of within weeks....

I think this is more about his dad having the money to buy the tracksuits and you don’t. Your DS is at an age where he is putting value on what he looks like rather than who he is as a person - his character and personality. I wonder if his dad puts in more value on the aesthetics too.

I recommend putting in more time with your DS so that he doesn’t feel the need to get his self worth through what he wears, but on who he is.

You said DS has lots of clothes at his dad’s. Does he have set days between you, or does he just come and go? He takes clothes from yours to dads, is he not allowed to do it the other way? DS has two Nike fleece tracksuits which he likes for the comfiness. He lives in them on rotation outside school and if neither available is wearing Sainsbury’s. I appreciate this means they will wear faster as they are being worn and washed frequently. I don’t think there are any feelings about keeping up with friends though as they don’t care about these things.

I don’t think he really deserves expensive clothes if he has so little value of money that he takes the tags off then decides he doesn’t actually want to wear it. Not to mention you can’t afford it if you aren’t working. How ungrateful!
Honestly, I would just buy your share of the absolute basics (e.g. uniform, underwear, socks) and give him an allowance of whatever you can afford then it’s up to him what he buys with it and whether he saves for new, looks at Vinted or chooses cheaper but it should hopefully start teaching him the value of money.