Teen boys expensive taste in clothes!

We have this. For some reason dss’s mum and step dad encourage it. Stone island this, Fear of God that, from the age of 9. It’s ridiculous. (And in the case of Stone Island, very poor taste imo-why do you want your 9 year old going out dressed as a football violence pretender ? Bizarre). We can afford to get them this stuff but largely, outside of Christmas and birthdays, we don’t, Because it’s ridiculous. Of course they want it, and more as they get older, but they have to earn it in my view, and start to realise what the value of money is asap.

Any bargains go quickly on vinted. Mine likes Nike tech I’ve managed to get some great condition tracksuits for £15 by searching 3-4 times a day.
If he has clothes at his dads could he bring those home?

You just need to have a frank discussion with him a lot living within means & budgeting. He’s old enough to understand money doesn’t grow on trees.

if he wants expensive stuff he can always save up himself or get a paper round etc.

explain you would love a world where you could buy him everything he wants but that’s simply not reality sadly & it’s no one’s fault

You are his parent. It is ok to say no to him and explain that sadly you can't afford it and tell him what you can afford.

He doesn't need designer clothes and given he took the labels off the one you bought him and then decided he didn't like it makes me think he doesn't understand the cost of things. He needs to learn.

@SixSeven67 that kind of clothing was not in our price range, so my kids never asked for the expendive stuff.

He gets what you can afford. If he’s at your house more, he should bring some of the expensive clothes from his dad’s home so he can wear them more. Maybe think about a pocket money system so he can save and buy what he wants. He sounds really spoilt refusing to wear the expensive tracksuit you got him for Xmas.

Another angle to this is if you found yourself employment you would have more money. There lots of vacancy available in both care homes and pre schools and nurseries. Many of these roles don't require past experience. Once you have a job you will have more financial options.

My brother had a great idea for when his son started demanding expensive trainers, he would say i can go into a shop and get you a pair of trainers for £20 so that is my limit, feel free to earn the amount you need to make up the difference so you can buy the ones you want. I used it on our 6. Amazingly they settled for the £20 ones.

Why do you care what his dad thinks about Vinted?

Get your DS to bring back the clothes you bought and sell them on Vinted fgs

You are making this hard for yourself

its tough, but helps them learn the value of money

The thing is, youngsters with ADHD and ASD are often crippled with self doubt and a desperate wish to fit in, so it’s not as outlandish a request as you seem to think.

It’s the very opposite thinking of “I am enough”; after years at primary school being rejected by others, finding friendships challenging, being anxious and doubting their own capabilities, neurodiverse teens often have zero self confidence, so the right clothes, can be very important, just as it is for other teens but more so.

Of course no parent should be going in to debt to supply their offspring with clothes they can’t afford but that doesn’t mean they won’t feel extreme sympathy for a teen who is struggling and want to help them.

That sounds really tricky especially when you’re trying to be fair and make things work financially. I sometimes wish my DS took more of an interest in but he really couldn’t care less about what he wears or looks like. He is also still getting hand me downs from his cousin, which sounds great in theory but in reality he wears the same old joggers and sweaters and his cousin's nice stuff end up at the charity shop. Is your ds old enough to start a p/t job? Or could he help sell things on Vinted?

Well you aren't doing him any favours by spoiling him and buying him stuff just because. He will just end up resenting you for not buying like his dad does - and do you really want him learning that the way to be a man is to hoard expensive items away from an 'undeserving' mother. Or making fun of second hand. Etc

He can have a branded hoody or polo and normal joggers or jeans on the bottom half. Simple

He needs to bring the other one back so you can sell it.

I get where you are coming from and with the adhd/autism. It is hard as they know they are different and desperate to fit in and look “normal “ and this can be their way of trying to do so especially if they then hyper focus on this as a way to do so.

Mine got stuff for Christmas, birthday and used their birthday money to buy more. However, once they outgrew it, it was straight onto Vinted to be sold, with the money used to buy more stuff from there.

Get the Montirex top back from his dad’s, get it sold and see what you can buy with the money.

Why is he having clothes at 2 houses? Surely he has clothes and he brings what he wants to wear to whichever house he’s in at the time?

Tell him to buy his own clothes. Until then he will get what you can afford.
Stop being weak
He's an entitled and demanding creature.

How convenient that the “designer” stuff doesn’t bother him.

My daughter has a similar issue with clothes, as do I. I’ve never had to resort to designer labels to find clothes that are ok for us. He’s playing you on that one. It’s simple. You set the budget you are prepared to pay, and tell him to find what works. If he has clothes at his dad’s place, they are his clothes and he can tell his father he is taking them home.

My DS 16 is autistic as well. It has to be comfortable and he can't stand certain materiels. But he doesn't ask for specific brands so I can find what he needs at Primark or any other lowcost chain. It's not because he's asd that he needs a brand.

This. All the effort to try to look rich while making yourself poorer to impress who? Other poor people ?

Are you joking at this point? There's no such thing as requiring designer clothes because of ADHD.

Simple really, just feed him the basics!.
The cheapest food, soon he’ll start complaining, at which time you tell him, you’re saving money to buy him clothes. His dear siblings however can eat what you cook, as they are not complaining and demanding stuff!.

ADHD symptoms aren’t improved by wearing branded clothes. Tell him no and mean it . Unless he’s going to go out naked I’m sure he’ll learn quickly.
Don’t use his condition as an excuse or let him use it to get want he wants. If he’s hyper he needs to be occupied. Send him out to the wash the neighbours cars / windows/ tidy their gardens for £.
My son mentioned a Ralph Lauren polo shirt a couple of years ago. How I laughed at a 14 year old mentioning a £120 item of clothing. Needless to say he didn’t get it and I could afford it.