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Not Letting Nephews Stay Over When Parents Move In

205 replies

Beelineshmeeline · 24/01/2026 09:16

Basically, I split with ex last year and now have 50/50 shared custody with ex. My parents and I aren't that close but they decided to sell their house and look for a new place a lot further away, it's a big move and they're looking for the home to retire in so they're not in a rush to get the next one, they wanna take their time. They asked to come stay with me and I said yes because I'm currently mostly living alone and it seemed like it might help both of us.

Problem is my parents have my brothers sons a lot usually, at least over night a couple of nights a week and they're usually there through the day quite often. Its been very unbalanced and my parents rarely had my DC. So they're in the process of moving stuff into my house and my brother rang yesterday asking where my nephews would be sleeping when they came over because there's not enough rooms. I said they wouldn't be, they've never stayed over and I don't have the space.

He went off on one, I spoke to my parents who said they agreed and said they'd already explained to him they wouldn't be able to babysit anymore but this isn't enough for my brother and his wife who have called me again this morning asking what they're supposed to do for childcare and said its just spite that I won't let them stay over.

We're not a close family. My brother never bothers with my DC or me, I don't have the space, and in the selfish ways, I honestly do not want my house filled with children. I agreed to let my parents stay, not become a makeshift daycare. I know it's ridiculous but I'm going through separation, my child is disabled, it's already a lot to take 2 more people in when we're not close. Adding my nephews to the picture several times a week just isn't happening. I'd have assumed they'd have found other options considering my parents plan on moving several hours away at least!

OP posts:
MoodyMargaret11 · 25/01/2026 12:23

Beelineshmeeline · 25/01/2026 03:31

Thanks everyone who voted and commented. I can't tell you how relieved I feel to see everyone's in agreement that I'm not the bad one in the situation. I'll admit my separation is still very raw and I often become vulnerable to thinking I'm doing all this wrong!

To answer a few questions. My parents have always planned to move away in retirement, my mums family are from the area they're hoping to find a house in and she'll be closer to her cousins and extended family. The timeline has moved up due to my dad's health and he's decided to hand over his business to his partner early so my brother wasn't expecting this for several years.
I'm fully in support of my parents moving away, we are not a close family and my brother never bothered with them before having kids and unless it's for babysitting, he doesn't bother now. He had tried to convince them not to move yet but they were firm in their decision.
My brother has the space to take them but didn't want to and my parents had told him already that they couldn't have the kids anymore. My nephews aren't bad kids but they're very active and clumsy, I never see them really my my brother never sees my child the same, so even if I had the space I wouldn't have been taking them overnight.

I've stood by my decision and won't be backing down. There's been a couple of messages and a phone call I ignored but I've just not responded. My mum said my brother has said I must be enjoying the control of gatekeeping my parents which she found ridiculous, I think he's just throwing his teddy out the cot now.

But thank you! Alls well.

A couple of messages and a phone call??
Blimey, they are persistent. And unbelievably selfish and shameless. He just wants to take his frustration out on you and bully you, because he has been powerless to sway your parents' decision. Hoping that you'd be bullying your parents on his behalf - OR - that you'd feel sorry and pressured to take them in and look after them yourself.
Well done for not engaging and keep it that way. You've got enough on your plate dont waste your precious energy on these CFs.

Friendlygingercat · 25/01/2026 04:25

One poster upthread stated that this haitus between housing creates the perfect time for your parents to reconsider their options and if desired, reset. An effective way of breaking a bad or undesirable relationship is to not be there physically for a period. That means the abusive party has to make other arrangements for their needs to be fufilled. It creates a space to reflect and if necessary renegotiate.

JanuaryJasmine · 25/01/2026 03:58

JanuaryJasmine · 25/01/2026 03:50

Basically this!

plus why can't your parents go to his to look after his kids??

he's been told, he doesn't have to like it. Just refuse to discuss it further. No means no.

I've just read your other posts.

just tell your brother to stop being such an entitled twat & to fuck off!

JanuaryJasmine · 25/01/2026 03:50

Sanasaaa · 24/01/2026 09:21

Don't give it a moment more thought, housing two adults for an unknown amount of time will be bad enough.

Decline your brother's demands that someone else figure out his childcare issues for him.

Basically this!

plus why can't your parents go to his to look after his kids??

he's been told, he doesn't have to like it. Just refuse to discuss it further. No means no.

RedToothBrush · 25/01/2026 03:43

Your mum thinks your brother is being selfish and not listening and she's made it clear she doesn't want to babysit and knows you aren't gatekeeping.

That's ultimately all that matters.

Let your brother get on with his tantrum and continue to ignore him.

Your parents are clearly moving away in part because he's a dickhead.

He's trying to control and coerce. This is a very good reason to stay the hell away from you.

Beelineshmeeline · 25/01/2026 03:31

Thanks everyone who voted and commented. I can't tell you how relieved I feel to see everyone's in agreement that I'm not the bad one in the situation. I'll admit my separation is still very raw and I often become vulnerable to thinking I'm doing all this wrong!

To answer a few questions. My parents have always planned to move away in retirement, my mums family are from the area they're hoping to find a house in and she'll be closer to her cousins and extended family. The timeline has moved up due to my dad's health and he's decided to hand over his business to his partner early so my brother wasn't expecting this for several years.
I'm fully in support of my parents moving away, we are not a close family and my brother never bothered with them before having kids and unless it's for babysitting, he doesn't bother now. He had tried to convince them not to move yet but they were firm in their decision.
My brother has the space to take them but didn't want to and my parents had told him already that they couldn't have the kids anymore. My nephews aren't bad kids but they're very active and clumsy, I never see them really my my brother never sees my child the same, so even if I had the space I wouldn't have been taking them overnight.

I've stood by my decision and won't be backing down. There's been a couple of messages and a phone call I ignored but I've just not responded. My mum said my brother has said I must be enjoying the control of gatekeeping my parents which she found ridiculous, I think he's just throwing his teddy out the cot now.

But thank you! Alls well.

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 24/01/2026 19:56

Why does he stay a few nights with them ?

for pleasure or for work

sounds like the gp aka your parents have had enough of childcare

2/3 nights a week is a lot for them

let alone daytime

obv if you haven’t the room
he can’t stay and they can look after bk. in his own home if they wan to do that

DrunkenKoala · 24/01/2026 18:12

Does your brother know what spite means? Not having the physical space to accommodate something is not spite (thick twat).

QuietPiggy · 24/01/2026 17:50

Brother and his wife can do for childcare what millions of other parents do for childcare: find a childminder or a nursery place and pay for it.

Happyjoe · 24/01/2026 17:45

Your brother is another one of those people, do a favour for and it turns into a right.

F-that.

You're not being unreasonable, your house, your rules! Don't give his tantrum a second thought.

InBedBy10 · 24/01/2026 17:33

CautiousLurker2 · 24/01/2026 10:04

Surely they are going to have to find child care when your parents move away anyway? And, reading between the lines, perhaps they never wanted to be strong armed into caring for the nephews in the first place and this is why they are moving some considerable distance. I am guessing that they have been trying to establish boundaries for some time and that brother and SiL were simply not listening or backing down.

Edited

This.

Everyone saying the parents can babysit at his house clearly didn't read the OP properly. They've already told the brother they wouldn't be babysitting anymore and he's refusing tp accept it.

I don't know anyone who sells their house without having a new house ready to move into. It sounds like these poor parents were so desperate to stop the childcare they sold their house as soon as they could just so he couldn't bully them into it anymore.

Duveet · 24/01/2026 17:22

Puzzledandpissedoff · 24/01/2026 16:55

I never understand why people continue responding once they've said No

You're not alone in this, @JudgeJ

I realise these types are inclined to pester, but for me at least the answer to that is a calm and polite "We've already discussed this haven't we?", and Yes-Buts get "I'm afraid my decision hasn't changed so maybe we could talk about something else"

Me too.
Cheeky fxxkers argue.
Once I have said no, I simply no longer engage/reply further.
I found this most effective with CF parents at my childrens school or various activities.

starrylightts · 24/01/2026 17:06

Tell him that he can always have your parents to stay if he likes. I'm sure he'll soon pipe down then.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 24/01/2026 16:55

I never understand why people continue responding once they've said No

You're not alone in this, @JudgeJ

I realise these types are inclined to pester, but for me at least the answer to that is a calm and polite "We've already discussed this haven't we?", and Yes-Buts get "I'm afraid my decision hasn't changed so maybe we could talk about something else"

Noodles1234 · 24/01/2026 16:52

How rude, selfish and self centred of your brother. If he is that worried your parents could move in with him, although I am imagining your parents wouldn’t want to at the sound of his behaviour.

I hope this time for you and your parents is one of precious time. Living together can be fraught especially with all you have to care for in your own life. Remember to have time apart and I wish you well.
Tell your brother if needed to do one quite frankly, and where is his help to you? Bloody cheek…. Don’t get me started about things like this..

Newyearawaits · 24/01/2026 16:35

Sanasaaa · 24/01/2026 09:21

Don't give it a moment more thought, housing two adults for an unknown amount of time will be bad enough.

Decline your brother's demands that someone else figure out his childcare issues for him.

This in abundance.
Definitive N0 OP.
Not for further discussion

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 24/01/2026 16:25

Your brother is going to be in for a bit of a shock when DParents move even further away.

I think they've made their position quite clear, that they no longer wish to babysit, but maybe they just need to say that outright.

ginasevern · 24/01/2026 16:04

Sounds like your brother shouldn't have had children. Tell him to fuck off and pay for childcare. Grandparents aren't a dumping ground for his responsibility and neither are you. Will he have his kids adopted when your parents move hours away?

godmum56 · 24/01/2026 16:03

pinkyredrose · 24/01/2026 14:17

Not really. Op probably wouldn't want badly behaved children in her home and the ages/amount of children are relevant in the amount of noise they're likely to make.

but she doesn't want to do it at all

Tablesandchairs23 · 24/01/2026 15:58

Its not your problem. Your parents have already said no.

JudgeJ · 24/01/2026 15:20

Say no OP and mean it.

Then do not exchange another word in any form with the brother and his missus, I never understand why people continue responding once they've said No.

CautiousLurker2 · 24/01/2026 15:16

So many people seem to be missing the OP’s comment:

[parents] agreed and said they'd already explained to him they wouldn't be able to babysit anymore.

ie They don’t WANT and do not plan to continue providing childcare. They have made this clear to Brother/SIL, who need to wind their necks in and now arrange paid-for childcare.

I would simply block their numbers and advise parents to do the same.

Safxxx · 24/01/2026 15:10

You made the right decision to have your parents stay with you, will be good for you and your child to bond with them before they move away. Your brother needs to stop being so selfish and arrange his kids child care ...if it bothers him so much maybe he can take your parents to his house a couple of days in a week when he needs help...but in no way should you be accommodating to it.

Tdcp · 24/01/2026 15:09

I bet your brother didn't take them in because they would be able to ship the kids off still while they stayed home.

TheDenimPoet · 24/01/2026 15:09

YANBU. It's your parents who take care of your nephews, and therefore up to them to discuss with your brother what's happening. They've chosen (asked!) to come to live with you, knowing there's no space. That's not your fault. It's theirs - and even then it's not really their "fault", as your brother's sons should be HIS responsibility!

I agree with the posters who say they may have done this on purpose to try and set boundaries. It's probably too much for them looking after kids this much!

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