Not Letting Nephews Stay Over When Parents Move In

Ok, I will leave. But before I go, I would like to say thank you to the many posters who have given me positive feedback to most of my responses on several threads over the last few weeks since joining. I have a close knit loving, caring and kind family and I choose friends very carefully and don't suffer fools gladly. Despite my many health issues, for which I claim nothing, I am kept very busy looking after grandchildren and elderly mum and MIL, and I don't need any more stress than I already have. I am a cheerful person, kind, generous and caring, if I've come across any other way it is because of the negativity and bitchiness on here which I'm not used to, nor do I want to get used to it. Mumsnet isn't for me - bye.

It’s unfortunate you feel people have been rude to you but you do seem to have come with a rather one-sided naïve view of the world. You are very lucky to have such a happy and convivial life but there wouldn’t be so much need for Mumsnet if everyone was the same.

Just being kind doesn’t work against abuse and power play which is often why posters come here for help and support.

If a poster’s life is going down the pan it’s not helpful for someone to suggest being kind and tell them about their perfect life.

Yes, I am shocked to discover how diverse people's thoughts and actions are. I'm amazed at how families treat one another in a negative way and also the rudeness of posters who cannot relate to my happy and convivial life, so see fit to insult me. In future, I won't bother commenting because I'm not rude, I don't eff and Jeff, I don't wish to set myself up for abuse and I don't want to bring such negativity into my life.

TheSunRisesInTheEast

You are doing what many posters on here also do. You are looking at the problem from your own perspective and family. You cannot see that other peoples situations are different and how you and yours might react, and the outcome, might not be the same in others situations.

As a pp said, stick around. You might be shocked to discover how diverse people’s thoughts and actions are. You might also begin to empathise with others in different circumstances.

In the beginning on here i thought i was quite a middle of the road, logical thinker but quickly learnt that many people do think and behave in ways that are at odds to my way. It’s amazing how different we all are, and how complex we all are. It’s definitely not a case of my way is right (although we all still secretly think we are 😂)
And we have to remember our behaviour is shaped from our childhood and our experiences, and that many are not so lucky to learn how to help themselves emotionally. And even the best parents can have children who go different ways to how they have been bought up.

Ask we can really do is put ourselves in a posters shoes and try to help. It’s no good saying “well my family doesn’t work like that.” How is that helpful?

TheSunRisesInTheEast

You are doing what many posters on here also do. You are looking at the problem from your own perspective and family. You cannot see that other peoples situations are different and how you and yours might react, and the outcome, might not be the same in others situations.

As a pp said, stick around. You might be shocked to discover how diverse people’s thoughts and actions are. You might also begin to empathise with others in different circumstances.

In the beginning on here i thought i was quite a middle of the road, logical thinker but quickly learnt that many people do think and behave in ways that are at odds to my way. It’s amazing how different we all are, and how complex we all are. It’s definitely not a case of my way is right (although we all still secretly think we are 😂)
And we have to remember our behaviour is shaped from our childhood and our experiences, and that many are not so lucky to learn how to help themselves emotionally. And even the best parents can have children who go different ways to how they have been bought up.

Ask we can really do is put ourselves in a posters shoes and try to help. It’s no good saying “well my family doesn’t work like that.” How is that helpful?

Mumsnet? More like Meannet.

Sharing is caring 😐

Why have children in the first place if you want to discard them when they reach adulthood? You should know that it's likely that your children will have children, or is it to be accepted that you'll be fed up with children by then?

Why have children in the first place if you want to discard them when they reach adulthood? You should know that it's likely that your children will have children, or is it to be accepted that you'll be fed up with children by then?

I am 60 years old. I am a grandmother to two little girls who I adore. To help out my son and DIL I take the girls to school every day, pick them up, give them their tea, babysit so son and DIL can have time at home alone or date night, I don't consider myself "staff". Me and my husband enjoy our lives, days out, nights out, holidays. My parents did the same for us when our boys were growing up. It's just how we are, we're very family orientated. I've always looked at this post through the grandparents' eyes, I feel sorry for the OP that she hasn't had a close enough relationship with them to offer support through her separation and with her disabled child. Likewise, I see no problem with them looking after their son's children, their grandchildren, I can't imagine wanting to move miles away and effectively turn their backs on everyone. As for people spouting all this vitriol towards OP's brother, effing and jeffing, that's not my style. I haven't been on MN long, and thought it would be fun, but it's really opened my eyes to how nasty some people can be, on some threads pure evil, I'm wondering if it's worth it, maybe I should stick to my quiz books and knitting 😂

No, never had experience of familial fighting. All my friends are like me, we meet at the park with our grandchildren or on the beach in the summer, they're like me, we do it for our own benefit, our grandchildren's benefit and our children's benefit. We are happy grannies!!

I think you should stick around as it will be useful for you to understand other perspectives. The ops brother is clearly taking his parents completely for granted while giving nothing in return- he could have offered they live with him while they need somewhere, and he didn’t, instead he decided the ops small house just had to accommodate his kids as well for his free overnight childcare. This might be one of your friends being taken for granted, and the supportive friedn response they would need from you is not ‘we should all just be kind’. It’s more ‘I’m so sorry hes being a selfish turd and I know you didn’t bring him up like that.’

I am 60 years old. I am a grandmother to two little girls who I adore. To help out my son and DIL I take the girls to school every day, pick them up, give them their tea, babysit so son and DIL can have time at home alone or date night, I don't consider myself "staff". Me and my husband enjoy our lives, days out, nights out, holidays. My parents did the same for us when our boys were growing up. It's just how we are, we're very family orientated. I've always looked at this post through the grandparents' eyes, I feel sorry for the OP that she hasn't had a close enough relationship with them to offer support through her separation and with her disabled child. Likewise, I see no problem with them looking after their son's children, their grandchildren, I can't imagine wanting to move miles away and effectively turn their backs on everyone. As for people spouting all this vitriol towards OP's brother, effing and jeffing, that's not my style. I haven't been on MN long, and thought it would be fun, but it's really opened my eyes to how nasty some people can be, on some threads pure evil, I'm wondering if it's worth it, maybe I should stick to my quiz books and knitting 😂

Oh we're all very grateful for one another and take nothing for granted, we appreciate one another and are respectful to one another. There is so much unnecessary animosity on here. Just be kind to one another and don't go through your life being angry and bitter, it gives you wrinkles 🙄

I am 60 years old. I am a grandmother to two little girls who I adore. To help out my son and DIL I take the girls to school every day, pick them up, give them their tea, babysit so son and DIL can have time at home alone or date night, I don't consider myself "staff". Me and my husband enjoy our lives, days out, nights out, holidays. My parents did the same for us when our boys were growing up. It's just how we are, we're very family orientated. I've always looked at this post through the grandparents' eyes, I feel sorry for the OP that she hasn't had a close enough relationship with them to offer support through her separation and with her disabled child. Likewise, I see no problem with them looking after their son's children, their grandchildren, I can't imagine wanting to move miles away and effectively turn their backs on everyone. As for people spouting all this vitriol towards OP's brother, effing and jeffing, that's not my style. I haven't been on MN long, and thought it would be fun, but it's really opened my eyes to how nasty some people can be, on some threads pure evil, I'm wondering if it's worth it, maybe I should stick to my quiz books and knitting 😂