Not every symptom, feeling or reaction is caused by peri/menopause

I see roughly one post per day on here saying something like: “DH is being an arse but is it just peri?”

A litany of unequivocally shit behaviour from the DH will follow but the woman will question herself because “it might be my hormones.” It’s endemic on here: I don’t know how you can have missed it.

Hard agree. Drives me mad. But still, probably no harm done in most cases!

Posted twice by mistake

It's fine to suggest peri menopause as one possible cause, but not that it's more than likely that, as there are lots of possible causes and seeing everything through one lens can lead to the real cause being missed. It could be related to vitamin or mineral deficiencies, autoimmune conditions, post viral conditions, mental health conditions, or a hundred other things,

I dont agree that people are using the menopause to brush off abusive relationships or horrible jobs. I think that is a very reductionist generalisation.

I dont know of a single woman actually in an abusive relationship (and I have known a few) who has said they are unhappy not because their partner physically hits them but due to menopause and I think that's quite insulting to women to suggest they are so stupid they would think that

I couldn't agree more - this is a fantastic post. The commercialisation of menopause (& this thing called "peri") is at the root of so much. People get older - it's normal.

But for a lot of women it is the explanation - if you have never suffered with recurrent UTIs, or anxiety, or trouble sleeping, and everything else in your life has remained largely the same, why is it wrong to suggest it's more than likely menopause related?

I agree OP. Of course some issues can be caused by peri menopause, but it's important not to assume that every physical and or mental health symptom that comes on anywhere from 35-55 is peri menopause or menopause, because you could be missing a serious illness, There are many different things that can start at any age and cause all sorts of symptoms.

I’m not saying it’s wrong to talk about menopause. Far from it. I have said I am glad the stigma has lifted.

What I am saying is that its become a kind of umbrella diagnosis which is applied to every area of the life of a woman of the right age.

And its not just that it is boring (I find it boring but thats a secondary thing). The thing that worries me is that its seen as a conclusive explanation for everything negative that happens, physical or mental.

People brush other more structural problems relating to their health, relationships, work and a range of other issues because “menopause”. Which creates a risk that they ignore things which are more serious. Such as a serious health condition, an abusive relationship or a horrible job.

I for one am very grateful for people talking more about menopause because I seriously think I would not be here if TV and social media had not helped me join the dots.

I am in my early 50s. I was never taught anything about menopause at school, my knowledge was that your periods stopped and you maybe got some hot flushes. Nobody talked about aching joints, brain fog, crippling anxiety, vaginal atrophy, itching, hair falling out... Even though I had had a hysterectomy (and kept my ovaries) I was totally failed by 3 NHS GPs (two of whom were middle aged women) who when presented with a patient in her late 40s who was crying in the surgery and unable to function did not even mention menopause. Just dished out anti depressants. It was only through hearing women like Kirsty Wark, Mariella Frostrup or Davina McCall talking about their experiences that I realised I did not have serious mental illness or dementia, I needed HRT.

It makes me really sad that there are probably other women out there feeling like I was 5 or 6 years ago and being told that all they need to "sail through" is a bit of exercise and a vegan diet. Or that talking about women's health issues is tedious and boring.

But this goes for lots of topics - exercise/crossfit being a good example. I know so many people obsessively posting gym selfies now and banging on about green smoothies all because it's trendy online. Still boring as heck if its your only topic of conversation but it doesn't make exercise inherently "wrong".

Of course. If it wasn’t menopause it would be something else. But the whole Davina thing seems to have given a lot of people permission to make it their entire personality.

I know a fair few people for whom it’s basically their only topic of conversation

Anyone who only has one topic of conversation is tedious AF. That goes for people who bang on about their "fur babies", their kids, their parents, why can't I find a decent man etc, work, being vegan or gluten free, anything.

Its not just menopause that is tedious if its droned on about for hours 😆

I was listening to a podcast with Professor Annice Mukherjee the other day, and she said exactly this. She is a specialist on hormones and she pointed out that at perimenopause/menopause women are at a time of life where there is often more stress - teens, aging parents etc- and that going through menopause while dealing with these problems makes it worse, due to bad sleep, brain fog, and whatever other symptoms people are suffering.

She did say that if your life is being negatively affected you should always look at and treat the actual symptoms, some will be directly caused by menopause, but not all of them.

I know a fair few people for whom it’s basically their only topic of conversation. A work colleague attributes literally all behaviour by women of a certain age to it.

If someone in the right demographic is obnoxious or sad or incompetent in any way she will give me a furtive little look and say “its the change”. Its honestly so tedious. Yes a lot of people really suffer but I hate the idea that your hormones are expected to remove all accountability for behaviour.

I have friends IRL who cite peri as the cause of everything and lots of women from 40 onwards banging on about it.

One friend from about 47 to 53 made being menopausal her entire personality.

some women just can’t comprehend how utterly horrible meno is for other women. They sail through it. Same with periods. I put with awful periods for years because I’m of a generation where we didn’t talk about those things. How I wish I’d known that flooding was not something I had to put up with or passing huge clots, leaking through two pads etc. I’m glad meno is talked about so openly because for me it has been unbearable.

Yanbu. A couple of years ago at 45 I felt exhausted all the time, had brain fog, felt constantly nauseous. A couple of friends said to get HRT. I went to the doctors but tests didn't reveal anything. They put HRT on the back burner and ran other tests first.

Eventually I got better by myself. I started running, went on a diet. I wasn't massively overweight but at 5'3" dropping from 74kg to 62kg made all the difference. I'd also had a lot of seasonal illness left me low.

I'm now 47 and still peri if my periods are anything to go by. Not dead on predictable but regular enough and can do things like flood and soak a chair which didn't happen when younger. I have a tendancy to use more, bigger pads now but then period can stop abruptly so definitely peri.

I think a lot of my symptoms were a combination of post viral and overweight.

My sleep is shit but I've never been a good sleeper. I've discovered that plenty of men have the same problem . Seems like mid life is a worrying time and affects sleep.

It's not 'every ' symptom, it's every symptom that is associated with perimenopause/menopause.

Have you looked at the amount of symptoms associated with it? Do you understand why there are so many symptoms? It's because we have oestrogen receptors all over our body and when those receptors are not detecting oestrogen they make our body 'play up' in that area.

As someone whose life was ruined due to perimenopause (I had no idea it was even a thing when it happened to me) I'm very glad there is more information now. My biggest wish is that I'd started HRT 13 years ago.

Sadly, bad symptoms run in my family and my sister was sectioned at age 49. At no stage did any medical professional suggest this might be perimenopause related. It took 6 months for her to realise, she went in HRT and is now absolutely back to normal.

Mental hospitals were full of women over 45 many years ago who had 'gone mad', many never got out. All of this has made a huge contribution to misogyny in our society. Female suicide rates are at their highest in the late forties age bracket.

Totally agree. I am also happy that the stigma surrounding menopause has subsided but heartily sick of having to talk about it all the flipping time. I can’t remember the last time I went to a gathering of female friends without a long and tedious discussion about menopause symptoms. Its good to talk about it but there are other things in women’s lives.

I do find the “could it be peri?” kneejerk response so irritating. A lot of people use it as an excuse not to face up to a more deep seated problem. You see post after post which states that a husband or partner has been deeply unreasonable but the “it may just be my hormones,” caveat.

Women convince themselves that feeling uncomfortable about a man’s behaviour is unreasonable when in reality they are probably waking up to the fact that they are being treated poorly. And men use it to gaslight us.

Also, I dont think I have ever seen a post where anyone has attributed every single thing in their life being completely wrong solely as a result of the menopause 🤣

It's usually people pondering irritating symptoms wondering about it because it's making their life more annoying or difficult.

Surely its good people are talking about it since its been ignored for so long and women had to suffer with all kinds of unpleasant symptoms that werent taken too seriously?

I think it affects women differently and therefore it’s hard to relate if your symptoms aren’t as bad or you ‘sail through’, but am glad there is greater awareness that it can be rocky and to get help if you need it and it’s right for you. It’s like periods, some people blame those for everything, starting with no PE for me please, but they are very debilitating for some women. I think there is an old school view that it’s just natural and women have managed for years just fine, which isn’t true so the counterbalance is needed. There will be some who jump on the bandwagon but there’s always shysters in the world.

Not sure what your issue is - I know a woman who is so adamant she isn't old enough for peri at 46 she gets very ragey about it. She can't see that she has every sign because she refuses to believe she is in her eye "old". Talking about it breaks down the stigma many people like her feel.

Yes! I had a B12 deficiency and low iron. Fortunately I had a GP who immediately did full bloods for my symptoms.

Some over the counter supplements going forward, and I live to fight another day.

I was very anaemic but it turns out that was due to flooding and heavy bleeding due to peri so the two are often connected. I also did not realise that peri can affect your thyroid (due to low progesterone) so I also had to be treated for that when previously I never had any issues with my thyroid