Not every symptom, feeling or reaction is caused by peri/menopause

Same - it's actually a bit boring TBH and I sit wishing we could just shut up about it occasionally!!

I am all for increasing awareness and appreciation for everyone's different experiences and array of symptoms but IMO there is a danger that it actually ends up going so far that nobody then takes it seriously - a bit like crying wolf. It just gets very "oh yeah, that's bloody peri too is it - breathing??"

It's already making me eyeroll tbh

Apologies for making it personal. Wasn't supposed to 💐

I don't think this combative 'all or nothing' approach really helps the discussion. I'm not trying to 'symie' anything so I'm not sure why you're trying to make this personal.

I specifically said above that awareness of menopause is a positive thing. But that doesn't mean that every single thing that a woman experiences over two decades is down to menopause or to 'peri' which is so vague as to basically be meaningless.

Middle aged women face enough problems without it being assumed they're a hormonal mess. That is what is retrogade to me.

Can’t speak for others but I don’t think anyone is saying its a bad thing that women are able to talk openly about menopause. Its definitely not.

What I take issue with is the use of menopause as a blanket explanation for all the problems we face in life.

Being informed about it and being able to talk openly about the experiences we face is unequivocally good. But when it becomes the automatic solution to any problem its self defeating. Firstly because, as discussed, it leads people to overlook other more serious problems. But also it becomes yet another way to use biology as a tool to marginalise women’s experiences and downplay their genuine grievances.

There is a middle ground to this.

@NeverDropYourMooncup

"now it's peri - needing lots of money spent on special purple clothes, shampoos, face creams, books and all manner of shite."

No, that's capitalism.

Fuck no, it's not a backward step. We've had hundreds of years of 'put up and shut up'.

We have better care and treatment available for debilitating symptoms than ever before. Why wouldn't we want to share that and shout it from.the fucking rooftops to.make sure every woman gets the message.

I'm guessing that you've not suffered symptoms bad enough to seek help. Not sure why you'd want to stymie the conversations of other women. Scroll on, maybe?

Pre-peri I would have been able to able to deal with a mysoginistic twat with a few witty retorts and a well placed 'go fuck yourself,' to terminate the interaction.

During peri, out of control rage, possibly crying, followed by crushing anxiety afterwards.

I do wonder if that's how men feel all the time (without the crying, perhaps)

Totally agree.

The current obsession with menopause and 'peri' is the modern version of 'It's your hormones dear!'

While awareness of the genuine hardship experienced by some, but by no means all women at mid life is a positive thing, the needless pathologisation of a normal, indeed inevitable stage in every woman's life is a backwards step.

This with big brass bells on.

I got my formal diagnosis of Psoriatic Arthritis in the sweet spot between 'It's your hormones, dear' and 'It's your hormones, dear'. Still had to run the gamut of 'It's all in your head, dear' and I owe a lifetime of gratitude to the locum GP that spent four hours on the phone arguing with the Rheumatology department that she had personally seen me with Psoriatic plaques, not 'a bit of eczema' and there was no way somebody of that age with CRP and ESR at those levels with visible plaques and unequivocally swollen joints and tendons is merely needing a few sessions of counselling for depression/fibro - but what it means is that I have a massive shield with AUTOIMMUNE DISEASE stamped across it.

And, of course, it means I've had medication and treatments that deal with 90% of it - so I'm hugely less likely to follow my father and be dead within the next 12 months from a cardiac event (he dropped dead from cardiomyopathy at the age I am now) or be like my niece, who nearly died aged 42 from the severe heart damage she sustained from her equally undiagnosed case.

If I'd not seen that particular GP at that specific time and I'd been 37 instead of 33, had she not seen plaques, swollen hands and feet, a low mood (that completely resolved within an hour of a steroid depot) and advocated for me, my life - assuming I'd still have one - would have been indescribably awful by now.

All I can say to that, is that I know many women who say that prior to peri-menopause, they were capable of crushing their anger down and stifling it, whereas during peri-menopause it feels uncontrollable, like a creature that possesses them. So talking about an 'appropriate response' is missing the point.

I know from personal experience that moods affected by strong hormone dips or rises really do feel uncontrollable, irrational, and can be all-consuming. It seems a little silly to deny that hormones have a powerful influence over people, and so peri-menopause could affect many women to a noticeable extent.

Yanbu. I'm sick of it being the absolute first thing mentioned.

A pharmacist boredly asked me two weeks ago if I thought my thrush might be menopause related. Um no, mate...i'm 39 and it's antibiotics-related, like I told you five minutes ago and like is written on my self referral form.

At 36 I took three weeks off work due to work-related stress. With very clear internal proof of what had caused this. I was told by occ health 'so at your age, the way you're feeling is likely also due to menopause so I need to give you xyz resources'. Not the awful, well-documented working conditions which had caused 25% of staff to go off sick. Nope, it must be my aged hysterical-woman syndrome.

Fuck OFF.

I'm hyper aware of peri and menopause because it nearly wrecked my life.

I work in female dominated environment and have seen women become shells of themselves between 40 and 50. Women who were confident, could multi task amazingly well suddenly forgetting everything, unable to cope with work through crippling anxiety. Unable to sleep then not being able to get out of bed.

I also found when I had been on hrt 6 months I was no longer borderline anemic for first time in years, my other vitamin deficiency balanced out

There is also growing awareness around the link between menopause and thyroid issues.

YANBU.

I remember an older friend at the gym telling later 30s me "when you get to 45, something happens ". Not much did happen, but when I hit 48, something happened!
I gained weight just by thinking about food and nothing that had previously worked -including exercise- now worked. I was overwhelmed with exhaustion, I suddenly started having falls- all the time. It seemed as though I tripped over my own feet! No explanation. I would get dizzy, I lost what little confidence I still had and I completely lost my self identity. I ached. All over, pain, fatigue, joint issues.... This didn't all happen as soon as I hit 48 but that was when it started.
So I think its definitely fair to say that menopause hits some of us hard.
Im 54 now, and although I suffered with hot flushes and night sweats, they're under control with HRT and I feel as though I'm coming through the other side.
I lost 4 stone on GLP-1 jabs last year and I'm starting to feel like me again so yes, all that that was very definitely perimenopause.
You don't say how old you are so I'd say if you're in your 30s and haven't been diagnosed as being in early menopause then no, every little thing certainly can't be blamed on perimenopause and the same for early 40s.
And some very lucky women sail through the menopause and never understand what all the fuss is about! Sadly many of don't though. And we have no idea about how it feels until it hits us.

Can only reflect on my personal experience. Have spent a small fortune on therapy over the last two years to try and sort my life and, for whatever stupid reason, resisted hrt. Everything came to a head over a Christmas and the fatigue, rage amd perceived lack of support got the better of me.

Bit the bullet and got hrt. Fuck me, life is easier.

EVERY woman goes through menopause. Your body changes how it works completely. Some suffer worse than others but I think it SHOULD be one lf the first considerations if in your 40s and 50s your life suddenly turns to shit.

Sometimes the discourse around peri-menopause feels a little like women who have no PMS symptoms dismissing them as 'all in your head', or women who have easy, light, cramp-free periods wondering why on earth some women make such a fuss.

If they don't experience symptoms/don't find them that bad/discovered they were caused by something else, then everyone else must have that same experience too.

I get you, OP. I also think that there’s a tendency to scare younger women into thinking their life will become pure hell once they reach the peri. This is not necessarily how it has to be. Some women sail through and others (myself included) get back to their old selves once they start HRT.

I actually cringe at these adverts - I don’t want people to assume I’m a dried up old old prune just because I’m middle aged!

YABU. If it's a symptom which is not a recognised symptom of peri/menopause, then people don't tend to suggest it. If ot is a recognised symptom of peri/menopause and you are of the right age, why wouldn't you consider the possibility that it's peri/menopause related? Tbh it just sounds like you get irritated by people banging on about menopause, in spite of your disclaimer.

All my symptoms were blamed on premature menopause.
Started HRT.
Increased HRT.
Changed HRT.

My mental health then was blamed.

Whole time, turns out I actually had Sjogrens Syndrome and Lupas, as well as premature menopause.

No one listened to me and everything was blamed on menopause.

Honestly, I think often that's because women are experiencing peri-menopause symptoms that mean they have less tolerance for their husband's bullshit - they begin to notice all these things about him that he's always done, but that are only now beginning to drive them mad.

And because they're now so aware of how peri-menopause can affect women, they wonder: Is it peri-menopause, or is he a shit DH?

And usually the correct answer is: Yes.

Anyway, if it wasn't peri-menopause, the question would just be, "Is DH being an arse, or am I just controlling?" Or, "Is DH being an arse, or am I just expecting too much?" etc. There will always be an, "or am I somehow at fault?"

Centuries spent trying to get the view of women changed from being simple creatures at the mercy of their defective uterus, all gone in under a decade.

Used to be called hysteria needing ECT and lobotomies, then it was 'nerves' needing tranquilisers, then it was 'depression' needing SSRIs, a brief period of blaming all physical pain on mental illness via fibro, now it's peri - needing lots of money spent on special purple clothes, shampoos, face creams, books and all manner of shite.

That doesn't mean that perimenopause symptoms do not exist and that HRT shouldn't be available - but always assuming it is means that precisely fuck all is done to address structural inequalities, the impact of living in modern society, employment & financial disadvantage, inequalities in medical care, the sheer weight of responsibilities, a lifetime of being female in a world of VAWG, the expectation to remain fuckable, the entitlement and threats from prepuberty onwards - all dismissed in favour of it being down to withering ovaries.

All those lives spent fighting to be seen as more than reproductive vessels and the chattels of men, to be used, abused and discarded. All cast aside.

This exactly. The accessibility of menopause groups in workplaces- when they are often full of women whose experience is dismissed/ threatened / underpaid and under respected has to be seen to be believed.
Like I'm glad the issue isn't taboo- but at that time of life I think women are also realising what a poor deal they have been dealt- with all the responsibilities and life stuff that crowds in- and it's easier for society to not see that.