Can you work nights with no childcare?

Does your dp feel terrible not contributing in any other way?

How is he contributing to childcare, parenting, household chores?

Why do you need to pay for childcare out of your minimum wage income when your dp is a high earner? Surely he pays for childcare in that case!

If you don’t need the money, don’t do it! You will mess up your body for no real gain! Spend some time doing a course and improving your prospects for the future. What is your passion or what you enjoy doing, is there some skill you can learn around that?

I wouldn’t fear nursery too much, they are highly beneficial and they come in all shapes and sizes! You can find smaller ones that suit your child. Some have structured lessons and are mostly indoors, my child’s is a child lead one where they encourage curiosity and have access to huge outdoor space and messy play all day. My daughter actually came along in leaps and bounds when she started nursery, we started her on a few mornings for 3 hours when she was 2 and half and after a few months switched to 2 days a week(9am-3.45pm), then 3 days and now she is over 4 she is on 4 days. It has been brilliant for her - it has really helped her socialise and she has learned so much from being around other kids - at that age they learn much more from watching and copying other children. She loves going in now and is excited, gives me hugs and tells me she will miss me but then bounces away to find her friends with a smile. The first year she did catch a million bugs and it was hard but this year she’s actually been much better, her immune system is so much stronger and hasn’t been off sick since October. The gp actually said to me that kids that go to nursery get sick less in reception year because they’ve been exposed to more stuff. It will also be an easier transition for school in terms of getting used to being away from you for short periods. Something to consider!

As someone who has to work ‘late’ shifts until 3am and then look after my kids 2 nights a week- don’t do it.

There must be more to it than you just feel bad for not financially contributing to your well paid husband’s wages?? It’s completely nonsensical. You will be contributing by caring for the children.

Either that or you drastically underestimate the impact it can have on your physical and emotional wellbeing. I’m saying that as someone who doesn’t even work the whole night. It’s so draining and you never catch up. I do it out of necessity because my job demands it, but I would never do it out of choice.

Exactly, OP. You're saving money not having the Nanny, and lifting the burden of stress is priceless. You already have a full time job. Wait a while, see what happens.

I agree with this.
I mean, OP says they don't need the money.
I get the need to want to contribute financially, but surely health is important too? Not to mention that kids won't benefit much from a parent with them that's been awake for over 24 hours straight (like a whole weekend)
Not everything's about money. Health is important too, if you can do without the extra money chill a bit. Nothing's worth doing yourself in for job wise, especially if you don't need to.

You are contributing financially. You are providing the 24 hour, 7 day a week childcare that allows your DH to work, travel etc as he does.

Why are you planning on going to an early grave? Night shifts are detrimental to your heath, lack of sleep knocks years off your life, as well as increases serious health issues, it's just not worth it and for what? Minimum wage?
You can't look after a toddler after having no sleep, it's not safe, and driving with no sleep is the same offence as drink driving, puts everyone at risk. Do yourself a favour and don't work night shifts ever.

Urgh. Honestly. Weary of shite like this.
You should do it 5 nights a week, OP, to properly contribute. Then you could have 2 nights of overtime. It'll be easy money.

I had my youngest at home without childcare working split nights but it was definitely a needs must situation for us and my DH was WFH so present in the house. Im also an insomniac who needs very little sleep but it left me feeling permanently hungover for a year or so until nursery was funded. Can absolutely manage it with kids in school 9-3 though.

Are you a nurse or HCSW? Reach out and see whats available locally. I've recently taken both on for 3 twilight's a week which I think would be absolutley perfect for a bit of cash and keeping your hand in and working around kids.

You need to flip the script on that.

He does 100% of the financial contribution and you do 100% of the childcare to facilitatethose hours.

If you want to contribute 20% then he needs to be home 20% of the time or paying half the childcare to facilitate you working.

If it doesn't work, it doesn't work.

In what world do you think you should match his working hours and then do more hours to bring home a tuppence?

He shares 50% of his salary or pays 50% of childcare.

Rubbish for the others on duty not to mention the patients!

Nurse tries to help single mum daughter with childcare - ended up with multi organ failure !

I did this for 6 months and it ruined me mentally and physically. Don’t do it OP, I know times are tough but don’t do this to yourself

I work twilight hours and finish my shifts at 1am, into bed by 2am so then I get 5ish hours sleep depending on when my two little ones wake up. That gives me enough sleep but I wouldn’t be able to work past that hour and still function the next day. I do that 4/5 days a week. That could work better for you especially if you don’t need the money so don’t necessarily need to do longer shifts.

Working nights like that will mess up your body clock badly. Really wouldn’t recommend it.

If you could afford to pay for a nanny, who is now gone, why on earth do you need to find a minimum wage night shift job? Don't be so bloody ridiculous

Work when your DH is at home instead.

You're being so ridiculous.
Pay yourself the nanny's salary and use the salary to 'contribute' to the household as you seem desperate to do.
After a month or two of moving money from one of your accounts to another, you'll realise how ridiculous what you're doing is.

ETA Its also insulting to those who are SAHMs whose chiildren benefit immensely from being with their parent all day every day. You're getting too caught up in the MN idea that those who don't work until they drop dead, aren't 'contributing' to the house or society. Its absolute nonsense that the gov. have brainwashed people into believing.

Whoa!

Pre kids you were younger and you weren't constantly thinking about the house and family.

There is no chance that you'll survive doing nights without sleeping now.

Yes I did it. Friday - Sunday into Monday finishing at 6am with a 18mth old and 2.5 year old. Both not at nursery. It was soo hard but I took them out on a Monday and slept well Monday night.

Nightduty is terrible for your health, especially if you're also running a home and looking after your children. You are more than contributing.

Sleep deprived people take bigger risks and have slower responses which is why it’s not advised to drive without sufficient sleep. You shouldn’t look after a two year old without having any sleep.

Have you mapped out your proposed week?

Monday- normal
Tuesday- normal
Wednesday- wake up 6.30, childcare all day work overnight starting at 8pm
Thursday- get in at 6am, maybe 2 hours sleep? Then up all day with childcare (maybe a short nap after lunch) and go to bed when husband gets back from
work. At this point you’ve been up for 36 hours with about 2-3 hours sleep.
Friday- normal
Saturday- maybe a lie in? Then work at 8, work overnight.
Sunday- get in at 6am, maybe 4 hours sleep then up with the kids. I guess if your Dh isn’t working you could get a nap in the afternoon and/ or an early night.

Personally I would find this incredibly challenging and I would only do it if we were about to be on the streets/ starve.

Could you not prepare yourself for when your youngest starts school- start planning and getting relevant experience and qualifications for something sustainable.

This doesn't make sense to me. It sounds like neither you or DH value work caring for children. Why would you feel terrible to be caring for your own child? Do you think other women who care for their children are worthless?

If you stay home you are saving the cost of childcare which is exactly the same from a financial perspective as working to pay childcare. So unless you earn more than childcare you can't contribute financially anyway.

I don't want to be rude but is your husband the reason you feel this way? i.e is he telling you that you have to get a job in order to contribute financially, despite him being a very high earner? Or is this just how YOU feel?

If you came into a large sum of money (let's say millions) which would make you set for life, would you feel your husband still had to go to work in order to "contribute financially"?

I'm pretty sure you wouldn't. Because you'd have enough money that he wouldn't need to do that.

Just like your current situation, only your husband is the one with enough money to cover everything