Can you work nights with no childcare?

Sorry, a single night shift a week at minimum wage (assuming, as what other job would want someone one night a week?) would bring in what, £50? So a couple grand a year? Really doesn’t seem worth it when your household income is already over £100k.

The notion of you getting a minimum wage job and doing a couple of night shifts meaning no sleep just so you can ‘contribute’ when your DH is a high earner makes no sense. People do those jobs often through desperation, or because they’re unable to do much else due to education level.

You could use this time to a) spend with your children while they’re small and b) maybe retrain? Do an online or even evening course instead. When your youngest hits school age, then you can reconsider returning to work full time and hire a childminder before and after school or pay the school wraparound care.

Click bait this. Grow up.

@ProfessionalPirate But I assume you did this out of desperate financial necessity? It would be idiotic to do it just for the hell of it, and that’s the situation the OP is in. Apart from anything else, it would be irresponsible to drive the next day, so unless OP lives somewhere she can walk to everything, it will be pretty restrictive

No, not at all. Part of this was to save on childcare fee’s if we could but certainly nothing any sort of financial desperation, as I earnt very good money, he earnt okay money (he took a sideways non-growth path when we had kids to allow me to really get ahead and my shifts often bled over significantly into doubles etc as it was), more an opportunity to really get ahead professionally and financially with the bonus of the kids avoiding care. Nothing idiotic about it. As I said, I’d had many years during training where we worked 72hours straight, short breaks and repeat so you knew you could do it. They certainly didn’t provide taxi’s for us during training 🤣🤣🤣 so you just get by in that respect. I never had an issue driving to/from work during that period because you just got trained into going the distance really. I did know a few people die in vehicles during training, but frankly that seemed more to be self-induced as an extreme way to get out which was unrelated.

I think you can do it if it’s a couple of nights a week. Many parents are sleep deprived due to various reasons.
However don’t make childcare just your problem. Did you have a well paid career before to be able ro employ the nanny? If so, I would try and get back to that.

We don’t need the money but I feel terrible not contributing financially

OP you will be contributing. Up until now you’ve been paying for childcare but when you do it it has no value?

What does your husband think about you not working? If you don’t need the money right now then focus on being a well rested Mum, there is plenty of time for you to earn more money in the future.

Unless it’s a dream job or something you really want to do for yourself, I don’t know why you would be taking a minimum wage job with nights shifts when your husband earns £100K. It doesn’t make logical sense, unless you’re being pressured by your husband to work?

Also what if your 2 year old has a bad night and won’t settle? Then your husband will have to deal with that on his own and be tired for work etc himself. Not saying he shouldn’t be parenting during those times but it just doesn’t make sense for you to be out all night when you don’t need the money. Also one or two nights a week might sound doable in theory but you’re literally going to be awake for 24 hours like that’s dangerous to be honest! I hope you wouldn’t be driving…

Being in your 20s and childfree coping with little sleep is absolutely not the same as being in your 30s and caring for 2 children. I also think that you haven’t considered what your week might look like if you have poor sleep the other days due to 2 year old teething or having sleep regressions and dropping naps etc or either child being sick and up during the night meaning you could have a good few days of no sleep with night shifts on top. I really think it would be awful for your physical and mental health and ability to care for your children to do night shifts that you don’t need to do!

Husband had Saturday and Sunday off so I would work nights Friday and Saturday.
i could sleep while he looked after DC.
Built up a better relationship with them at this point which benefited all of us in the long term

Unless essential, just dont. Nights have such an impact on wellbeing, and the brain. You'll be exhausted and likely short tempered with a toddler to care for, It's just really not worth it unless you desperately need to.

But I assume you did this out of desperate financial necessity? It would be idiotic to do it just for the hell of it, and that’s the situation the OP is in. Apart from anything else, it would be irresponsible to drive the next day, so unless OP lives somewhere she can walk to everything, it will be pretty restrictive.

I’m in a profession where working all night and then all the next day was a regular occurrence while I was training / newly qualified so I also know what it’s like. I survived it, but it’s not something I would recommend if it could be avoided. One of the women I graduated with was killed a year later after falling asleep at the wheel and hitting a tree.

I'm a real advocate for women working and keeping some finances of their own, but in this case, even I'd say stay home.

If you don't need the money, then why do a job for minimum wage that will rob you of sleep and isn't likely to make you much fun to be around (tired and grumpy)?

Have an honest discussion with your husband. If you're both on the same page, that will help. By staying home you're saving him childcare costs now and most likely doing more than your share of home tasks, making his life easier.

Then, make a plan for your eventual return to work, whether that's part time a couple of years from now or full time once both kids are at school. You could even think about upskilling now, doing an online course or something, so that you've got a better chance of a higher wage once you go back.

If you have the finances now, make sure your NI contributions are being kept up while you're not working.

Im a nurse and work long night shifts. Hand on heart they are the absolute pits, especially when you factor in caring for young children and just generally getting older yourself.

Those shifts where I finish my nights and have no childcare and no sleep are of course doable, but I'm walking around like a potato zombie.

So to round off, night shifts - would not recommend. Especially without sleep or any real need financially.

Does your husband feel terrible not contributing non financially?

Could you do a twilight shift such as 8pm-2am? If your DH would be back in time then youd still get enough sleep to function.

I don't think you should do this, the potential benefit hardly seems worth the impact of losing two nights of sleep a week. In your shoes, I'd find a job offering a couple of day shifts (if you really want to go to work, personally I think you're already contributing!) and put little one in nursery or with a local childminder. Or share childcare with a friend and arrange to work different days to them, and look after each others' kids while the other works. I do this with friends in the school holidays and it feels great to support each other. Any of these options would be infinitely better for you AND your child I think.

If your husband earns well as you say why do you have to work nights? Woek part time if you have to. You will collapse and be ill if you work all night and up all day with the kids sounds unrealistic

I’ll go against the grain here and say, yes, totally doable.

I used to do this. When ours were young we avoided care by DH and I working opposite days/shifts. I used to work mainly nights as higher pay and not popular and was easier to progress to higher level that way for the area I was in back in the day. We would often tag team in/out the door which resulted in me arriving home them looking after kids of a day until DH arrived home, grabbed 2 hours sleep then I was off. Then there would be other days when I arrive home, he was home for few days and I’d sleep 24 hours straight. We did that right through from having them to the end of primary school years (and school years are an absolute doddle as then you get a chunk of 5hrs in day straight to sleep).

For the smart arse who said ‘try staying up for 3 days straight and see how it works’ that’s exactly the conditions everyone worked under when I was in training. We were regularly on for 72hrs straight, and often lucky to go home for 12 hours before being back to do it again and again and again, so most people just slept on-site (we had rooms with beds you could crash on). And that was literally a life and death job. They don’t do this any longer but we all lived through it. So, many years later when I had kids staying up through and just looking after a few kids was a doddle in comparison and very doable.

Can I look after a 2 year old and after school and work a night shift too?

As a night shift worker of decades, no. There is no safe way to do that.

Being sleepless for 36 hours while caring for a toddler is a huge safety risk for that child. Your judgment will be impaired on that little sleep.

The only way I would consider this would be if it was essential for your safety and that of your children that you have money your husband can't touch.

I haven't read the fill thread, but don't.
I tried and it nearly killed me.

Please don’t do this to yourself. You are contributing to the household, you are raising your family.

Theres no need to actively affect your mental and physical health if you don’t have to.
I don’t work nights, but I watch my DH do it every few weeks for a 5 days and it absolutely wrecks him.

Was that 7 nights in a row and did you sleep during the day? I have done that ( ex-nurse) and by the time Monday morning came around after handover I’d be nearly delirious from tiredness!

This. You need to rethink everything here. This doesn't add up. But also u need to secure your financial future

If your night shifts are not consecutive then perfectly doable. I did it with my 3. It was hard, but the bonus was being available through the holidays or if they were poorly and unable to attend school.