Can you work nights with no childcare?

Plenty of jobs don't mind if you have to look after a sick child.

Is your husband pressuring you to go back to work or being financially abusive? Looking after children is work, it allows your husband to work full time without paying for childcare! If you don't want to send your child to nursery yet for whatever reason and you have the financial means, it's perfectly okay in your position to not kill yourself by doing a minimum wage job on zero sleep, and wait to go to work until they either go to preschool or start reception.

If you don't need the money, then don't do it.
I get you want to pay your way financially, but you've got small kids who need looking after and you won't be able to do that well if you've done yourself in on nights.

I honestly can’t believe a decent husband and father would for a minute want this for his wife - the person in sole charge of his child all day having had no sleep.

Well you are contributing. You are looking after your Dc which enables your DH to earn well.

I guess you could do a Fri night and your DH take care of the kids while you sleep on Saturday.

But is this what you both want? What he wants? To ck e home in. Friday, do bed time alone while you disappear to work, spend Saturday looking after kids alone, the two of you not having time together?

How much is the toll on your marriage worth? For what?

This
When are you planning on sleeping?!
You'll be dead on your feet, especially with a 2 year old.

You’d rather work 2 night shifts a week an forgo two whole days of sleep than put your child in nursery? This is crazy!
I worked occasional nights as a single Mum and couldn’t have done it if I hadn’t had childcare during the day so I could sleep. Have you worked nights before? It’s incredibly hard and I would say dangerous to be left in charge of a two year old after literally not an ounce of sleep.

A couple I know used to share the childcare. One had a steady 9-5 job, the other worked nights as a nurse. They did it with good cooperation and communication.
(The father even had a hobby.)

They said it wasn't ideal and they needed to be very organised but they got through it. Lovely family - it helped that their kids only had a small age gap and were pretty immune to germs.

You are a team. It is best for your family right now, for you to be as refreshed as possible. Your main job is looking after the children so you can't be cranky, sleeping or sick too often.

Only work as many hours as it takes for you to keep your qualification up to date. Studying to upgrade might be possible now. Medium term, it might be best for your family situation if you could work during school hours and only during school term.

Once the youngest is in school you will have less need for childcare but you will still be the main care giver.
Your DH's work dynamics will make family holidays essential so you need a flexible job.

Lack of sleep will age you. It is the biggest single determinant of health. Don’t work night shifts unless you really have to.

I agree, I could never have not worked both to contribute and for my own sanity, (intellectual challenge and conversation) but also for my children's sake. When you say your little one was sickly, do you mean serious sickness or just prone to picking up bugs? I'd do everything to get my child in to some kind of communal setting (nursery or childminder), its much better for their development if they have at least some part of their early years amongst other children rather than being home alone with a single adult.

You don’t need the money! Yabu

I would prioritise being a great parent over being a martyr.

If you don't need the money, focus your time on where it will do your kids the most good, and I don't think one or two shifts a week on minimum wage should be the priority if it takes time away from them.

You working overnight without childcare is going to be far more disruptive to the household than a low wage job provides.

i do know someone who worked overnights a few days a week. Most days her husband would drop the children at nursery or school, she would get some sleep, then pick them up. It wasn’t a full 8 hours since she had to commute and get to the school run in time, but she did get an uninterrupted block of 4-6 hours because there were no children in the house. She also made insane amounts of money doing this working in a highly skilled healthcare field that pays especially well in my country if you are willing to take night shifts.

That was pre-kids and when you were in your 20s.
I could have done it then too.

You now have 2 children, one of them a toddler, a husband who works long hours and can’t do any drop offs/pick ups and who would not be able to help if either child was sick etc.

I did night shift for 10 years starting when my eldest was 14 weeks old. I was the queen of synchronised napping. Thirty years on, my body clock has never been right and I’m sure it’s responsible for some of my autoimmune immune issues. I didn’t really have a choice at the time but if you have a choice, then I’d say don’t do it.

i worked as a nurse in the 1980's when it was less common to hire help.
is it a 4-8-or 12 hour night?
i would work 12 hour nights on friday night knowing dh would manage the kids saturday and again another 12 hour on saturday night meaning no childcare needed (equally no weekend time as a family).
lots of colleagues worked nights and did childcare in the am surviving only on short naps with the kids or a few hours when dh's home before a shift.
but i had three back back so they absolutely needed supervision, and i needed to be on the ball (although 1 hour naps on night shift per staff was not unusual back in the day).
so what type of work you are doing does play into the equation.

You’d feel a hell of a lot worse if something happened to your child because you were sleep deprived.

Does your husband feel terrible for never ever being able to pick up or drop off his own kids or look after them if they’re ill?

Does he feel terrible that you lost your job partly due to you having to always cover for your unreliable nanny as he never will?

If he’s a decent person he wouldn’t want you to feel terrible about “not contributing.” You both would realise that sometimes you each have to do the best thing for your family as a whole, and sometimes that is one of you not going to work and looking after your kids instead.

Your contribution is allowing your husband to do the job he does and him not having to worry about the kids when he is at work.

I’m not saying that is what you HAVE to do, but if you want to or it works out best for you, then you should definitely not feel terrible about it.

Ah that’s a bit better then! I will say though that being able to stay up after nights pre kids is a whole different ball game to staying up after a night shift all day with a 2 year old and genuinely think you’ll quickly make yourself unwell

No definitely not

im a nurse that does permanent nights and I’m not sure why you’d do it if I’m honest if you don’t need the money?! I try sleep most of the day before a night shift and if I can get half an hour ish at least nap on night shift then I can be semi ok until lunch time when it hits me but otherwise I have to sleep as soon as I get in until at least lunch time to semi function and I have a nearly 10 year old not a toddler.

Have you ever done night shifts before? They’re better for my health due to other conditions but in the long term they’re not good for your body and if you’ve never done night shifts before I think you might be massively underestimating what you can do post night shift

I’ve tried that and really would not recommend. In my case it was a necessity, but it didn’t last long. If you don’t need to then don’t as you’ll be sacrificing your health for little reward. If you want to keep working (and there’s many reasons to other than finances) then your husband should be contributing to childcare costs as well. IMO you being well and rested enough to care for your child is going to be more valuable to your family than wages from a minimum wage job when the financial situation is already good.

Would your husband seriously watch you work a night shift for minimum wage then look after a toddler all day? When you don’t even need the money?
Is he controlling with money?
Do you have access to it?