Can you work nights with no childcare?

Last week I ended up having to work to a very urgent deadline and as a consequence had only 4 hours sleep, then had to do a completely normal further working day the next day plus pre / post school childcare. I was a wreck - felt so irritable and cranky. I was OK for a few hours in the morning but by mid afternoon my eyes felt sore, I looked like shit and I just didn't want anyone to speak to me or ask anything of me. I snapped at my DP and our daughter. The end of the day felt like an absolute slog to the finish line - just trying to get everything done before I could pass out at 8.45pm! I wouldn't have felt safe to drive if I had to on 4 hours sleep. No one would regularly and intentionally wish to feel like that!! It may ruin your relationships with those around you.

I think you would be sensible to trh to keep working, in spite of your husband's earnings, as you could end up in a rubbish situatiin if the marriage breaks down. However, working nights and not sleeping is not a good idea as you may not be safe to drive or look after a 2 year old. As someone else has suggested, training as childminder could be a great option as your husband is away a lot so having kids around would not be an issue. There is always a shortage too so you would be in demand.

I think I said this before up thread - but please please don't under estimate your value. You are enabling your husband to work in a high earning job without worrying about his child in the day. As a single mum - I paid a lot for this so I could work. YOu are making a priceless contribution to your marriage. Work at the right time for you because you want to for yourself and you can organise childcare x

Just to add to my earlier comments, I wouldn't rule out nursery now though. My daughters did two mornings a week from 18 months old. I moved it to two full days a week when they were 3 and three days a week the January before they went to school. I went back to work when they were in infant school!

It is nice to have your own money (I'd encourage it) but do something that you can switch your phone off for!!!

If your husband is free on a Friday evening or weekends to have your 2 year old then go for it. You could get some sleep and have money for you.

@Pixieknowle Well done for coming to your senses!!

Maybe treat yourself to some therapy to work on what you’ve identified.

All the best!

Contributions to a relationship are not only financial though.

You cannot work more than 3 nights per week because it's exhausting.
You will likely SLEEP FROM 11 am to 3:30. .....this is do - able. Daytime sleep is not so long because it's unnatural to sleep during the day.

You are contributing!! You are bringing up children and running the home! Why on earth would you feel guilty?

No need to be sorry to me. I think you misunderstood my post.

I wouldn't do it op, my husband is a high earner and I'm only just going back to work part time now my child is at full time school. There was absolutely no point in my doing it earlier because I will earn very little and we would have spent my entire wage on childcare

You are contributing, by being there for your kids.
I didn’t work (my choice) so that I could be there for the drop offs, the pick ups with the chats about their day, cooking meals, going to the playground.
Whilst I know some people don’t have a choice, or really need a career, I wanted to spend the time with the kids (I was late coming to motherhood due to miscarriages etc) and we could manage, with fewer luxuries, while I spent those years with them.

Could you become a Childminder as they are very in demand and that would enable you to be at home for your children . Look into the skills / training you would need .

No you can’t.
Just get a day job and put them in nursery. Or maybe a term time job so when the youngest starts school it won’t be an issue?

It’s very odd to not put a child in nursery in case they become sick.
Children being sick builds up immunity, it’s not a bad thing.

I worked nights for 7 years, never back to back just incase of childcare issues etc.
My family helped to look after the children and at times I was let down at last minute due to someone being poorly. I had to pull my socks up and muscle through looking after 2 children with no sleep. Then Covid happened and it became the new normal for me. I did 4 years of working a night shift and then looking after my children.

At times it was tough, but I managed.
My youngest hated it when I changed jobs and hated going back to being looked after. He missed that time with mum. I always felt like I wasn't the best version of me post night shift. I might have been irritable/cranky or sleepy or worried that i would fall asleep and not pick up my eldest.
I suppose it was nice in a way, that when I changed to days my youngest missed all of that one to one time. Even though I felt like I had let them down in that time, they proved that it was the best years of their life and close bonds were formed.

No one can tell you to work nights/not work nights. It is what fits best with your life and your families lives. As a person, they are not great for your health and wellbeing long term and my MH was shot to bits by the time I left. As a mum, they help to bring in an income whilst still being there for your family.

I will also add, have a look around, there are places that will offer more money. At the end of the day, you are sacrificing sleep and sanity. Im not sure what role you are looking for, but you could always try finding an NHS bank or agency which would pay better and you can choose when to work.

Good post, sensible suggestions.

Hi, would you be in a position to have the 30 hours when your child is three (I know it's term time only so actually equates as less) If so, I wonder if it's worth you looking at just taking the few months off until then.

Also, just flagging that if you are doing all of the pick ups, drop offs ets, you are contributing massively financially. I have an ex husband in what sounds like the same industry. There is no way he could achieve what he does at work if he had to drop a child at nursery at 8am and be back there to collect them at 5.30 then doing dinner, bath and bed.

I'm not sure what your skills are, but maybe look at a bit of freelance work on upwork or through connections. You could then do it when your husband is home or your child is asleep.

So your DH won't "help" with his own child, that alone is very telling. Him in his big important job, leaving you to work a night shift and not caring that you are considering missing a night's sleep. When you say "we don't need the money":do you have access to money or does your DH keep it all?

You are. If you weten't there he woukd have to pay for childcare and a housekeeper to cover you. You don't have to work outside the home as well unless you want to or need to. However, yes you can do one night a werk without sleeping - i did it for years. But i did it because i needed to to survive, i woukdn't recommend it just so you can not pay for chikdcare.

Would you hire a nanny who hadn’t slept for 36 hours to look after your children? Of course not, so you know it’s a terrible and dangerous idea.

If you don’t need the money don’t do it now. Relish this time to not need to worry about work if the DC are sick or childcare issues. Soon enough they’ll be in school and maybe a school hours, term time only job would work then.

Girl. Don’t do it.

This.

I'm wondering why your husband gets to continue his career as though he doesn't have children why you totally sacrifice yours and are considering sleep deprivation as a viable option?

There are surely other options here.

• Another nanny - sounds like you were pretty unlucky with the last one? You wouldn't necessarily have the same issues again.
• Childminder - smaller environment than nursery and usually cheaper than a nanny
• Or your husband could change job and work for an employer who understands that male employees have families too?
• What skills do you have? Would they lend themselves to freelancing? When my children were very small I did some freelance work - it was part time enough that I could fit it into nap time and maybe an hour or two after they went to bed.
• You could take a break from work for a while (but I'd say have a plan for when/how you're going to return and knock all this feeling terrible about not contributing on the head as well: if he's not going to take his share of the parenting load then he can't really complain if he's made it so difficult for you to work. Without your contribution at home he couldn't earn what he does)

Definitely not. I work 2 night shifts. Midnight until 7 twice a week. Midweek my mum has her the day after and weekend my husband is home. My daughter is 3 and I’ve been doing it just over a year. I get a really good wage though. No way could I stay awake, never mind take care of a toddler.

You could probably manage if you have to. But if you don’t need the money right now and aren’t worried about financial abuse I’d just take some time.