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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask if you would report a friend…

103 replies

Catsfredwilma · 23/01/2026 21:54

….who regularly drives whilst under the influence of drink and drugs.
Not asking for all the reasons why reporting is the right thing to do. (Crime stoppers, anonymously).
Asking genuinely, would you honestly actually do it??
YABU….no, I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t get my friend in trouble.
YANBU….yes, absolutely, I would report.

OP posts:
Hiptothisjive · 24/01/2026 10:20

Catsfredwilma · 23/01/2026 22:47

Absolutely. I have done, twice.
When I mentioned it to colleagues at work I was surprised at how many people said they wouldn’t.
Although they agreed it was the right thing to do, there were mutterings of “…..would just stay out of it” and “….but not to a friend”.
It surprised me (although several of them were a bit younger so maybe not considering the impact as much), as I didn’t really find it a dilemma personally.
At the time the police advised to report through Crime stoppers, as a regular drink driver. That way they could pull her over, or observe the venue and vehicle where she regularly drinks etc and hopefully catch her at it.

Yeah I take a pretty hard line. To the colleagues saying to stay out of it - are they fine with potential fatal accidents of loved ones, family, children?

The worst cases of child abuse for example have a ‘stay out of it’ element.

If someone wants to do something at home and can only ever affect themselves thats one thing but when they get into a deadly weapon and use it while high/drunk thats where I draw the line.

TwattingDog · 24/01/2026 10:20

Morningclouds · 24/01/2026 10:10

I will have a read of this thank you. I suppose the issue is also how different people process the alcohol. For some 5 pints and they are under the current legal limit and for some 1 pint is too much. Having watched my neighbour drive 50 yards down the road, with a smashed up face because she fell out of a door drunk 6 houses up and still decided to drive home, with her 7 year old at the time in the back. I find the limit infuriating. She still hasn't been caught even though I see her stumble to the car and get in it the following morning. I have a clouded view.

At 5 pints anyone would still blow well over the limit, even if they seem fairly sober.

Drink drive limits are not the same as impaired driving, because someone can be below the limit but driving whilst unfit through drink or drugs. Separate offences for exactly that reason.

ThisIsAGlobalPlayerOriginalPodcast · 24/01/2026 10:13

Baffles me that someone like a head teacher would take the risk.

Risk of causing death aside, she’d be in the local papers for it. “Head teacher loses job after drink driving conviction”. Can you actually imagine the humiliation and embarrassment of that?! That puts me off more than anything!

Morningclouds · 24/01/2026 10:10

TwattingDog · 24/01/2026 09:59

The problem with zero as a limit is it doesn't allow for things like gastric reflux, use of alcohol-containing mouth wash and so on.

More importantly, non alcoholic drinks like fresh orange juice or ripe bananas and fermented foods have small quantities of alcohol which can be detected on a breathalyser but do not impact your driving.

https://www.abbeycarefoundation.com/alcohol/what-foods-contain-alcohol/

I will have a read of this thank you. I suppose the issue is also how different people process the alcohol. For some 5 pints and they are under the current legal limit and for some 1 pint is too much. Having watched my neighbour drive 50 yards down the road, with a smashed up face because she fell out of a door drunk 6 houses up and still decided to drive home, with her 7 year old at the time in the back. I find the limit infuriating. She still hasn't been caught even though I see her stumble to the car and get in it the following morning. I have a clouded view.

TwattingDog · 24/01/2026 10:09

Owly11 · 24/01/2026 09:35

Thanks that's helpful. Are there really enough resources though to follow up on all reports? What about malicious reports - can you spot those?

Resources - absolutely not but if they have no reports, there's no intelligence so less likelihood of a stop check to see what's going on.

It only takes one officer a few minutes to follow up if they can, and some are more proactive than others.

A malicious call will be evidenced by a negative breath test, but it's unlikely you'll be able to say it's malicious - could be a false call made with good intent (ie worried but not in possession of the full facts).

Itsmetheflamingo · 24/01/2026 10:02

Morningclouds · 24/01/2026 09:49

I would and have, friends and strangers. The real question is when will we except the limit should be zero? And not think people know when they've had too much. For me 1 drink is too many.

Driving laws and regulations in the uk are evidence based. Zero limit sounds like something sections of the public would love but its effectiveness isn’t evidence based

TwattingDog · 24/01/2026 09:59

Morningclouds · 24/01/2026 09:49

I would and have, friends and strangers. The real question is when will we except the limit should be zero? And not think people know when they've had too much. For me 1 drink is too many.

The problem with zero as a limit is it doesn't allow for things like gastric reflux, use of alcohol-containing mouth wash and so on.

More importantly, non alcoholic drinks like fresh orange juice or ripe bananas and fermented foods have small quantities of alcohol which can be detected on a breathalyser but do not impact your driving.

https://www.abbeycarefoundation.com/alcohol/what-foods-contain-alcohol/

whatfoodscontainalcohol2 abbeycare

What Foods Contain Alcohol? - Abbeycare

Foods that ferment contain a certain amount of alcohol [1]. This includes everyday food like rye bread, bananas and yoghurt [2]. Avoiding alcohol in food isn't as simple as...

https://www.abbeycarefoundation.com/alcohol/what-foods-contain-alcohol/

DogZoo · 24/01/2026 09:59

Yes, although my friends would never do it but if they did, I wouldn’t want to be friends with them anyway. I have reported 2 people I know.

We lost a relative to a drink driver years ago but I’d think the same way even if that hadn’t happened. Drink/drug driving is such a selfish thing to do.

Morningclouds · 24/01/2026 09:49

I would and have, friends and strangers. The real question is when will we except the limit should be zero? And not think people know when they've had too much. For me 1 drink is too many.

Pepsi4Eva · 24/01/2026 09:40

I would- honestly.

Owly11 · 24/01/2026 09:35

TwattingDog · 24/01/2026 09:06

An officer can search for the reports of the types mentioned here. If the person provides information that gives a pattern it makes it easier to act and try to be proactive - if time allows you to.

Something like "John leaves the Star Inn on the High St in Bath every Friday between 7-8pm after drinking beers all afternoon. He drives a red Vauxhall Nova registration A123BCD and goes home to 12 New Road where he parks the car on the driveway" is MUCH easier to try to get a jump on than "my neighbour smokes weed all the time then drives his mum's car".

The more specific the information (times, places, cars), the better.

Thanks that's helpful. Are there really enough resources though to follow up on all reports? What about malicious reports - can you spot those?

LoveSandbanks · 24/01/2026 09:31

Yes, I’d definitely report them, and I’d tell them it was me. Fuck, I’d report my kids for doing this.

TwattingDog · 24/01/2026 09:31

SayIam · 24/01/2026 09:11

Yes, I would. Save lives, theirs and other peoples.

I have made a report when a mum picked her children up from school clearly drunk. We kept the DC’s and told her why, tried to stop her driving and when this didn’t work, called the police.

I also reported to the DVLA as the person was under treatment for alcohol issues. DVLA removed the driving licence.

Edited

I reported my elderly neighbour to DVLA last year. They finally took her licence 5 months later.

She was hitting kerbs, side swiping cars, had an argument with a tree one day, and the final straw was her coming at me on the wrong side of the road as she left the GP surgery. She barely missed me in my rather large and obvious car on the correct side of the road..... Her car was covered in marks and she rode the clutch so hard while revving at top revs that I was convinced she'd fly backwards one day and kill someone.

She'd had visits from police after two minor collisions but no revocation of her licence sadly. She still complains to anyone who'll listen about the whole thing but it turned out through chatting with neighbours that several of us reported her!

susiedaisy1912 · 24/01/2026 09:13

Yes absolutely I would

SayIam · 24/01/2026 09:11

Yes, I would. Save lives, theirs and other peoples.

I have made a report when a mum picked her children up from school clearly drunk. We kept the DC’s and told her why, tried to stop her driving and when this didn’t work, called the police.

I also reported to the DVLA as the person was under treatment for alcohol issues. DVLA removed the driving licence.

TwattingDog · 24/01/2026 09:06

Owly11 · 24/01/2026 06:55

How did you come to be doing that? I mean given that so many people do drink and drive how was it decided to allocate resources to this particular person?

An officer can search for the reports of the types mentioned here. If the person provides information that gives a pattern it makes it easier to act and try to be proactive - if time allows you to.

Something like "John leaves the Star Inn on the High St in Bath every Friday between 7-8pm after drinking beers all afternoon. He drives a red Vauxhall Nova registration A123BCD and goes home to 12 New Road where he parks the car on the driveway" is MUCH easier to try to get a jump on than "my neighbour smokes weed all the time then drives his mum's car".

The more specific the information (times, places, cars), the better.

UninitendedShark · 24/01/2026 09:05

I would but I’d like to think a friend wouldn’t put me in the position to have to report them.

Aldilidl · 24/01/2026 09:05

Yes I would and have.

TwattingDog · 24/01/2026 09:02

Itsmetheflamingo · 24/01/2026 08:59

But devils advocate to this oft repeated phrase is that they very likely won’t.

In the example above the headteacher would’ve been arrested and sacked if reported, yet having not been reported, drunk drove home without incident.

(also bit disturbed by the glee with which another poster described someone they know who lost their job family and home from a DD conviction)

Facts are not glee.

The woman made her terrible choices and reaped her own terrible consequences.

Itsmetheflamingo · 24/01/2026 08:59

Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 24/01/2026 08:27

Ok, how would you feel if next Friday they wipe out a young family of five.
There is your answer then

But devils advocate to this oft repeated phrase is that they very likely won’t.

In the example above the headteacher would’ve been arrested and sacked if reported, yet having not been reported, drunk drove home without incident.

(also bit disturbed by the glee with which another poster described someone they know who lost their job family and home from a DD conviction)

CinnamonBuns67 · 24/01/2026 08:55

Yes I would report straight to the police. They are acting in a way that puts themselves and others in danger.

cartagenagina · 24/01/2026 08:35

I would and I have.

Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 24/01/2026 08:27

Ok, how would you feel if next Friday they wipe out a young family of five.
There is your answer then

Katemax82 · 24/01/2026 08:24

Evaka · 23/01/2026 22:06

Yep and I really wouldn't be their friend. Only utter cunts drive drunk and on gack.

Agreed

Ooodelally · 24/01/2026 07:43

How could anyone knowingly be friends with such despicable scum? To answer the question, I’d report anyone I knew this to be true about!

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